My mother has been away from her care home for Xmas for four days staying with youngest sister, giving my middle sister and I four days off with NO phone calls and freedom from her. Complete bliss...the silence was more heavenly than I could ever imagine.
She is now back and the constant and what seem like insistent calls started within 20 mins and have been ongoing since then to us both. I have been building up to doing a post about this, as I feel guilty feeling so irritated by it.
Having discussed this together with my sister, we are now both ensuring we have phones where you can see who is phoning and then trying to be strong and not always picking it up. We both find this horribly difficult and feel constantly at our mothers beck and call and pulled into her emotional turmoil that some days I am afraid I just resent hugely (and feel bad even typing this...). My partner is also fantastic and on days when I am down won't let me pick it up and takes the calls instead.
I am feeling bad about feeling so resentful as she is now back in the care home and although she is of course fantastically well cared for there, I never feel free of her. Although on a rational level I realise this is also about our relationship as my mother was not an easy woman pre Alzheimers...! I am finding it much more difficult to handle on an emotional level. I am also seeing my mother far more now she has Alzheimers and my stepfather has died than I have done for over 30 years which I find really wearing and often dispiriting.
When she is crying and miserable on the phone as she very often is (her husband did just 7 months ago and she is also grieving for him) I feel even more guilty for being fed up with her. But I am. Even though I am also miserable hearing her distress and trying to help her deal with it which I cant really.
I popped in to see her this morning and she was being really grumpy, bad-tempered and generally offish. I just wanted to walk away and not bother to come back. OK rant over. Thanks.
She is now back and the constant and what seem like insistent calls started within 20 mins and have been ongoing since then to us both. I have been building up to doing a post about this, as I feel guilty feeling so irritated by it.
Having discussed this together with my sister, we are now both ensuring we have phones where you can see who is phoning and then trying to be strong and not always picking it up. We both find this horribly difficult and feel constantly at our mothers beck and call and pulled into her emotional turmoil that some days I am afraid I just resent hugely (and feel bad even typing this...). My partner is also fantastic and on days when I am down won't let me pick it up and takes the calls instead.
I am feeling bad about feeling so resentful as she is now back in the care home and although she is of course fantastically well cared for there, I never feel free of her. Although on a rational level I realise this is also about our relationship as my mother was not an easy woman pre Alzheimers...! I am finding it much more difficult to handle on an emotional level. I am also seeing my mother far more now she has Alzheimers and my stepfather has died than I have done for over 30 years which I find really wearing and often dispiriting.
When she is crying and miserable on the phone as she very often is (her husband did just 7 months ago and she is also grieving for him) I feel even more guilty for being fed up with her. But I am. Even though I am also miserable hearing her distress and trying to help her deal with it which I cant really.
I popped in to see her this morning and she was being really grumpy, bad-tempered and generally offish. I just wanted to walk away and not bother to come back. OK rant over. Thanks.
