all stopped
- Thread starter trakand01
- Start date
Hello my friend, I was just thinking about you today and wondering how things were going. But I guess, from your post, not too well.It seems that Grandad might be suffering from depression and is not coping too well, which might be cause or effect. I can only suggest that for your and your Mum and Dad's sanity they tell the SW, Consultant and GP what the state of play is and hope that the Professionals can shed a bit of light on it all. Grandad and Nannan are rubbing each other up the wrong way and someone more qualified is going to have to step in before there is a major battle. You need to look after yourself too, Keep warm and keep well, your Friend Maureen.x.
Oh my love, you must take action. Contact the GP. Grandad is not able to cope. It might be temporary, he might recover with some TLC and a good care package, but please seek help.
Please accept my love, I think you could do with a bit,
Margaret
Please accept my love, I think you could do with a bit,
Margaret
Hello
So so sorry to hear your grandpa has reached crisis point .
I cant begin to imagine how worried you are
If your reading this tonight they do have emergency ss , do phone them.
But definately contact ss and or gp tomorrow
Your grandpa needs rest , time to recover , and tho grandpa may not want to do this he does need respite care urgently for your nan and himself .
Love and hugs to you
So so sorry to hear your grandpa has reached crisis point .
I cant begin to imagine how worried you are
If your reading this tonight they do have emergency ss , do phone them.
But definately contact ss and or gp tomorrow
Your grandpa needs rest , time to recover , and tho grandpa may not want to do this he does need respite care urgently for your nan and himself .
Love and hugs to you
The rapid response team (I have no idea who these are but they are affiliated with the memory clinic, I believe) have had a meeting and the nurse called my Mum yesterday (they are not able to call my granpda) and advised that if she comes off the arisept that's fine, but she has to have the psychosis drug. The nurse is writing to my Grandpa, sending the letter to my Mum to give to him (if it goes directly to their house there's a chance that either Nannan will destroy it if she opens the post, or Grandpa will pretend he's never received it) and make sure he reads it. If he refuses, the rapid response team will consider 'the legal route', whatever that is.
It sounds like the right things are happening. I would think that from a legal viewpoint, your grandpa (though nearest relative) does not actually have any authority over your nannan's medication. That is always strictly between the patient and the physician, unless the patient is incapable by virtue of incapacity (mental or otherwise) at which point the nearest relative is consulted but does not always have the "final say"
Strictly speaking depriving your nannan of medications or visits to the doctor etc could even be construed as abuse.
It does sound as though your grandpa is very depressed. A feeling of not wanting to wake up is typical.
Strictly speaking depriving your nannan of medications or visits to the doctor etc could even be construed as abuse.
It does sound as though your grandpa is very depressed. A feeling of not wanting to wake up is typical.
hi, thanks for the replies.
No one has PoA, Sylvia, my Grandpa didnt want to do it at first (either take it himself or let anyone else have it), but before his heart surgery he obviously changed his mind. He wouldnt talk about it though, just thrust a hand-written letter into my Mum's hand one day that basically said words to the effect of 'my daughter can make decisions in my absence' but it wasnt in any way legal. Then all this happened, and at the point where he's refusing all external input at all, asking him to sign a formal, legal document re' PoA is something that just isnt going to happen. Nannan is probably already classed as unable to comprehend what she would be signing.
He keeps saying he just wants to go 'back to normal', 'back to how things used to be' but of course that will never happen.
Even if Nannan went to the doctor (which she wouldnt, because she's highly suspicious of everyone and everything and doesnt want to take the tablets to start with) I dont think she'd agree to take them herself - she denies there's even anythign wrong with her, or that she had dementia or problems with her memory, let alone willingly takes tablets. Either she does understand, but doesnt want to own up to it, or she doesnt understand and therefore doesnt think she needs any medication anyway. She thinks Mum's trying to get her committed. That's one of the reasons she refuses to have anyone come to the house and throws a complete tantrum if they do (like the nurse/doctor that went from the rapid response team) - she expects they're going to turn up with a white coat and put her in the back of the van.
Of course, the reality is that she's a danger to herself and others, and my Grandpa's mental state is suffering as a result. Which in turn means my Mum's mental state is suffering, as is mine. He is depressed, but he would no sooner go to the doctors himself than he would put her back on the tablets and invite social workers into their house.
It's a catch22 because the last thing he wants is to have decisions taken away from him - he's exerting his authority now - but in doing just that, he may very well end up having no say whatsoever and the worst thing imaginable (in his head) may happen - Nannan may be taken into care, or respite at least, or social care may be thrust upon them. I guess that is what the 'legal route' is - I would imagine (although I am purely guessing) that the 'legal route' she's talking about is for the rapid response team to get PoA on the grounds that she is being deprived of medication that she gravely needs...?
Personally I can barely believe it's all happening - i mean, who actively refuses medication when it's needed? Who sits there with a headache when there's painkillers on the desk, let alone deprives a mentally ill and often violent woman of psychosis drugs? It just defies logic. I read all these posts of people saying 'My [insert relative here] has just been diagnosed, we've got the social worker coming next week to see us' and i just think, why can't we be like that? Why do WE have to be the difficult ones.
I'm upset because Mum is not feeling good - I think she's getting depressed again (she admits she feels bad) and says i'm not helping her, that i never offer to help. This is what happened last time, before she was first diagnosed. Of course i'll help however I can but there's no reasoning - her opinion may as well be carved into the concrete on her drive.
Boiler packed in on tuesday night, and just when we'd got that working again, we noticed water dripping through the living room ceiling from the water tank in the upstairs bedroom.
I just want it all to be over, now. I want to go 12 months in the future and see what life's like.
I love my grandparents, I really, really do - they're the only ones i've got left and I've had a wonderful lifetime with them, lots of beautiful childhood memories, but sometimes... I just hate how this disease - or diseases, we're talking AD, VaD and psychosis - change people from someone who used to be lovely (to me), to someone completely different.
No one has PoA, Sylvia, my Grandpa didnt want to do it at first (either take it himself or let anyone else have it), but before his heart surgery he obviously changed his mind. He wouldnt talk about it though, just thrust a hand-written letter into my Mum's hand one day that basically said words to the effect of 'my daughter can make decisions in my absence' but it wasnt in any way legal. Then all this happened, and at the point where he's refusing all external input at all, asking him to sign a formal, legal document re' PoA is something that just isnt going to happen. Nannan is probably already classed as unable to comprehend what she would be signing.
He keeps saying he just wants to go 'back to normal', 'back to how things used to be' but of course that will never happen.
Even if Nannan went to the doctor (which she wouldnt, because she's highly suspicious of everyone and everything and doesnt want to take the tablets to start with) I dont think she'd agree to take them herself - she denies there's even anythign wrong with her, or that she had dementia or problems with her memory, let alone willingly takes tablets. Either she does understand, but doesnt want to own up to it, or she doesnt understand and therefore doesnt think she needs any medication anyway. She thinks Mum's trying to get her committed. That's one of the reasons she refuses to have anyone come to the house and throws a complete tantrum if they do (like the nurse/doctor that went from the rapid response team) - she expects they're going to turn up with a white coat and put her in the back of the van.
Of course, the reality is that she's a danger to herself and others, and my Grandpa's mental state is suffering as a result. Which in turn means my Mum's mental state is suffering, as is mine. He is depressed, but he would no sooner go to the doctors himself than he would put her back on the tablets and invite social workers into their house.
It's a catch22 because the last thing he wants is to have decisions taken away from him - he's exerting his authority now - but in doing just that, he may very well end up having no say whatsoever and the worst thing imaginable (in his head) may happen - Nannan may be taken into care, or respite at least, or social care may be thrust upon them. I guess that is what the 'legal route' is - I would imagine (although I am purely guessing) that the 'legal route' she's talking about is for the rapid response team to get PoA on the grounds that she is being deprived of medication that she gravely needs...?
Personally I can barely believe it's all happening - i mean, who actively refuses medication when it's needed? Who sits there with a headache when there's painkillers on the desk, let alone deprives a mentally ill and often violent woman of psychosis drugs? It just defies logic. I read all these posts of people saying 'My [insert relative here] has just been diagnosed, we've got the social worker coming next week to see us' and i just think, why can't we be like that? Why do WE have to be the difficult ones.
I'm upset because Mum is not feeling good - I think she's getting depressed again (she admits she feels bad) and says i'm not helping her, that i never offer to help. This is what happened last time, before she was first diagnosed. Of course i'll help however I can but there's no reasoning - her opinion may as well be carved into the concrete on her drive.
Boiler packed in on tuesday night, and just when we'd got that working again, we noticed water dripping through the living room ceiling from the water tank in the upstairs bedroom.
I just want it all to be over, now. I want to go 12 months in the future and see what life's like.
I love my grandparents, I really, really do - they're the only ones i've got left and I've had a wonderful lifetime with them, lots of beautiful childhood memories, but sometimes... I just hate how this disease - or diseases, we're talking AD, VaD and psychosis - change people from someone who used to be lovely (to me), to someone completely different.
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It`s a dreadful state of affairs and I wish more could be done to help you.
With regard to medication, there are many people with or without dementia , who feel the side effects show some medication does more harm than good.
Not even doctors can force people to take medication against their wishes unless a person has been shown to lack capacity to make a decision in the best interests of themselves and others.
Even this is open to question.
With regard to medication, there are many people with or without dementia , who feel the side effects show some medication does more harm than good.
Not even doctors can force people to take medication against their wishes unless a person has been shown to lack capacity to make a decision in the best interests of themselves and others.
Even this is open to question.
Oh Trakand01,
My heart goes out to you. Your situation is so sad and I completely understand your feeling of wanting to jump forward 12 months. I have felt that so many times. The desire to wish time away is so strong when the present is so hard to live.
I wish there was more I could say or do, and I wish that you weren't faced with all this sadness on top of what is already sad in that your Nannan has dementia. Isn't that difficult enough to comprehend on its own.
You will get through it, I promise. I have been at my darkest moments, wishing I could transport myself into the future, and here I am. In the future, only now it's the present, and I'm still here to tell the tale and look back.
You'll be there in no time, and the problems will get sorted. It won't ever be easy but life just happens and the days just pass.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping life's a little easier for all of you soon,
Lots of love,
My heart goes out to you. Your situation is so sad and I completely understand your feeling of wanting to jump forward 12 months. I have felt that so many times. The desire to wish time away is so strong when the present is so hard to live.
I wish there was more I could say or do, and I wish that you weren't faced with all this sadness on top of what is already sad in that your Nannan has dementia. Isn't that difficult enough to comprehend on its own.
You will get through it, I promise. I have been at my darkest moments, wishing I could transport myself into the future, and here I am. In the future, only now it's the present, and I'm still here to tell the tale and look back.
You'll be there in no time, and the problems will get sorted. It won't ever be easy but life just happens and the days just pass.
I'll be thinking of you and hoping life's a little easier for all of you soon,
Lots of love,
Thank you all for your replies. I've spoken to Mum again and apparently the 'legal route' that the nurse was talking about IS the rapid response team going down the routes of getting PoA granted (to them) for Nannan's health because a) she's incapable of deciding what is appropriate for herself and b) she's potentially being deprived of an essential medication to control a violent illness. I guess depriving her of the psychosis meds could, technically be classed as willful neglect.
