Hi,
I suddenly remembered a short while ago that there was this section here on TP for afterwards. I had forgottton that and after a few threads on the main section I sort of felt I could not keep posting about dads death with so many looking for hope and guidence so I just got on with it.
Dad died back in July. He had had a good life for the most part and lived to 93 but the worst thing is the horibleness of his last year wont go away. So many sad and difficult times in that last year and we all doing our best to make him feel loved and cared for. SO heartbreaking. I am also tormented by the fact that he was not really able to communicate so well so I am not sure if I/we did all that he might have wanted, especially towards the end. The last thing he said to me that made sense was "Dont go" . He said it one morning a few days before he died, he had been getting weaker and weaker. It seemed to take a big effort on his part to say those two words. I had to leave for work that day but our lovely carer was with him so I said that to him, and that Id be back. I hope he understood. But it reminded me of all the other things he might have wanted to say but couldnt. He didnt say anything much after that, though I spent most of the next few days with him and was with him when he died. I talked to him and reassured him we loved him and held his hand and stroked him. But it was a very tough few days for him, and us. I immersed myself in work since then to blot out the torment and am now just finished a big job. I am better able to grieve now, to handle it and not fall apart. I try to remember all the great times he had - the great life he had before the last five years or so when the dementia crept in. Even through most of those he was able to communicate a good bit. But the last year was horrible. We couldnt manage him in his own home any more as it had become too stressful trying to ensure there was someone there all the time. and he was getting more agrressive and hard to manage. The care home looked after him very well but he still had a hard time letting others look after him and he was hard work for the staff. heartbreaking. But even so he had become such a big part in my daily life and I miss his daily presence in my life. I am happy his torment is over and I have to try to get the good memories to replace the bad. Its not easy.
Thanks for listening -
Helen
I suddenly remembered a short while ago that there was this section here on TP for afterwards. I had forgottton that and after a few threads on the main section I sort of felt I could not keep posting about dads death with so many looking for hope and guidence so I just got on with it.
Dad died back in July. He had had a good life for the most part and lived to 93 but the worst thing is the horibleness of his last year wont go away. So many sad and difficult times in that last year and we all doing our best to make him feel loved and cared for. SO heartbreaking. I am also tormented by the fact that he was not really able to communicate so well so I am not sure if I/we did all that he might have wanted, especially towards the end. The last thing he said to me that made sense was "Dont go" . He said it one morning a few days before he died, he had been getting weaker and weaker. It seemed to take a big effort on his part to say those two words. I had to leave for work that day but our lovely carer was with him so I said that to him, and that Id be back. I hope he understood. But it reminded me of all the other things he might have wanted to say but couldnt. He didnt say anything much after that, though I spent most of the next few days with him and was with him when he died. I talked to him and reassured him we loved him and held his hand and stroked him. But it was a very tough few days for him, and us. I immersed myself in work since then to blot out the torment and am now just finished a big job. I am better able to grieve now, to handle it and not fall apart. I try to remember all the great times he had - the great life he had before the last five years or so when the dementia crept in. Even through most of those he was able to communicate a good bit. But the last year was horrible. We couldnt manage him in his own home any more as it had become too stressful trying to ensure there was someone there all the time. and he was getting more agrressive and hard to manage. The care home looked after him very well but he still had a hard time letting others look after him and he was hard work for the staff. heartbreaking. But even so he had become such a big part in my daily life and I miss his daily presence in my life. I am happy his torment is over and I have to try to get the good memories to replace the bad. Its not easy.
Thanks for listening -
Helen
