Bel. I really liked your reply - you are spot on. I sometimes think if it wasn't so 'compulsory' to love my mum because she is my mum I might get to like her more. Sometimes nowadays I do like her more than I have for ages, because she's not in charge. She will sometimes will be quite simple and childlike, as I have never seen her, and I can imagine the girl she used to be. Then next thing, of course, she'll take a strop and start ordering me round again and being really hurtful - since I joined TP I realise that's not unusual - it's just that my mum always did it!bel said:how many times have we heard she is still your mum
With the the help of people her on the forum, I'm feeling a lot easier in my mind now about how I can relate to my Mum and look after her. I no longer feel that I have to/should get up close and personal; I'm sure that would do neither of us any good. But I'm going to do the best job I can of making sure she's well cared for, from a distance. I've dragged myself out of my self-pitying sloth and got her finances sorted out and got in touch with my local AS branch who have been wonderful and am working with them to put together a care package for mum. I visit her regularly, every other week and sometimes it's - well, not a pleasure, but more ok than I ever remember; sometimes it's dreadful, but you all know that.
It's not ideal, but what is in this business?
There's a long way to go too and it ain't going to get better, hard for her; hard for me and my sisters, so I'm glad I found this place.
Thanks everyone