How do you cope?

[trakand01]

Hi Sunflower10,

I am so sorry you're feeling so low, I have only just read the thread fully.

I very much hope that you don't mind me asking on the forum, but have you been to the doctor to check on your own health? Depression is a common affliction amongst carers and with two very small children to cope with as well, I dont think that anyone would be surprised if it was affecting you in some way.

I have experience of depression in a loved one and please, please, go to the doctors just to be sure because your own health is always (always) going to be the top priority.

Regards your mum in respite - she's in the best place, and 'respite' means just that - a break, getting away, a rest. Don't feel that you have to be there 24/7 for her and remember - you have 2 brothers too! Are they visiting / checking up on her? Don't shoulder the load all by yourself.

 

[Christin]

Dear Sunflower, I am so sorry to read this. I really do feel for you.

All I can say to you is that if you are confident that the home will take care of your mum then you have done your best. You need this time but I know how difficult it is to 'switch off'. You have become so used to caring for your mum it is hard to think of anything else.

We don't visit FIL will he is in respite. We go away to visit our grown up children who we don't visit at other times. This is my special time. If the care home needed you to go they would contact you. No news is good news in this case I'm sure. At first I felt very guilty about this but I have told myself over and over again that I am a mum too

If you can, try to do something positive with your children this week. Do you go toddlers groups or anything similar where you can mix with other young mums like yourself? Maybe this could be something to look into? When my children were small we had a health visitor, I'm not sure if they still exsit but they might be able to introduce you to other young mums. Do the things that you have often wished you had time to. Do you have a swimming pool near you? Do you have friends to visit?

I am sure so many people would be pleased to see you, do they know you have some time this week to fill? If I was nearer I would meet you for coffee

Sending you a great big hug. xxx

 

[Sunflower10]

Evening all

I have just got back from visiting mum in respite and from what I have seen I am glad I went, and wish I went earlier. Mum seemed very confused and vacant (only to be expected from a strange environment I guess) anyway she indicated that she needed the loo. This doesn't always happen as she is more or less incontinent. I took her to the toilet but she didn't quite make it and it was obvious her pull up was already wet from a previous accident. Not sure how often she is being toileted but obviously not enough. Wasn't too concerned as I know that it is a bit of a guessing game as to when she needs the toilet.

I then took mum back to her room to get her dressed in clean clothes only to find her wardrobe completely empty. I questioned this with the staff who said that there was a problem with the laundry and that her clothes were not yet clean and dry. I then had to go back to mums house to pick up further clothes for the next couple of days. Considering she has been in since last week and all items of clothes had been used I would of thought someone might have contacted me to bring in further items. Whilst I left to collect clothes they dressed her in someone elses skirt!

After this I then sat with mum whilst she had her tea and she seemed to be a little more settled. Only for me to be a little horified that my mum who has been a vegetarian for as long as I can remember was being given a ham sandwich! Not sure if she has been eating meat in my absence.

Sorry to rant, I was hoping that visiting mum would put my mind at rest but it hasn't. The home is very cosy and clean and is only 18 months old, and appears a palace in comparison to some I have seen. I was just hoping that these sort of teething problems wouldn't occur - or is this to be expected and I am being overly critical?

I think I will have an early night and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. (I could kill for a glass of wine and that is out of the question as I am on anti-biotics for an infection in my stitches from a gall bladder removal op I had 10 days ago. Life just gets better & better!)

 

[Sunflower10]

Feeling more positive today, the sun is shining and I am going to have a play day with my 2 precious boys.

Thank you all for being there and your positive comments. It is so reasuring to know that people who 'really' know what it is like are there for a shoulder to cry on.

Sunflower

 

[cragmaid]

Take it easy

Having had the gall bladder op myself please take it easy. I ended up with a hernia from doing to much too soon. Admittedly it's not painful but it sits there like a third boob ( I had keyhole and it's where the drain was) and spoils the shape of my sylph like figure (NOT). I did have to be reminded that although it was keyhole it's still classed as major surgery.