Driving - cars or driving me mad

Callyann

Registered User
Nov 15, 2009
19
0
Nottinghamshire
He's lost his licence. I'm to blame - apparently - I've supported him in his driving all year but now he doesn't know where he is or where he's going and really isn't fit to drive. We're sending the licence back today. All I'm getting is he wants to reapply, now!

Thursday, for some reason known only to himself, he disconnected the incoming phone line, removed the box, cut the cable to the sky box and then wondered why we had no phones or internet connection. Luckily for my sanity our son came last night and fixed it for us. Today he's telling me he didn't do it and he instructed our son on how to put it back together. In his dreams!

It's a good job we can laugh, after a good cry sometimes.

Has anyone any experience of this, stopping driving when they don't want to, or wanton destruction of household objects?

Also we have a hole in the wall in the dining room he drilled two weeks ago. I haven't asked why....

Hope everyone is okay

Callyann
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello Callyann:

You do sound stressed and its hardly surprising. I wonder if you have any support at all - sitters, carers or carers groups locally.

I was lucky re driving as my husband eventually voluntarily gave up his license. A few years before that were hair raising.

My husband had a fettish with electrical items. Cut through hedge cutter leads about 5 times one summer - then I would find him trying to mend the wires :eek: I just kept saying lets buy a new one, so it was an expensive season.

I think if the wanton damage continues you really need advice from the Consultant or CPN.

TP cannot take your problems away but I hope you find it helpful.
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Callyann, hi
Oh I recognise this, my heart goes out to you as it is so frustrating.

Hubby is very similar, driving is a nightmare, I am just not a good enough driver for his car and he needs to point out all my faults and then sits with his eyes shut wincing when I change gear and parking, well just don't even think about what happens when I try to park :rolleyes:

As an electronics engineer he was very able but now he can't work anything, the TV handset is just too confusing most of the time and he cannot work out how to change to the CD and we've given up on the video player.

It was very expensive before I realised that it was him and not the gadgets that were the problem, the thing I dread most is the hot glue gun but nobody got badly hurt!!

Callyann, it is so very heartbreaking to see a loved one lose so many talents and their life change beyond recognition, I'm glad to hear that you two, as we do, laugh as much as possible and cry together, it's the only to survive I think.

Take care of yourself and keep posting, it does help :)
Best wishes, Jo
 

KenC

Registered User
Mar 24, 2006
913
0
Co Durham
Sadly this topic raises quite a few problems, with those who have the illness and those who care for them.

I was once in a car with someone who relied totally on the passenger next to him to tell him where to drive and where to stop. This apparently happened every day, and I felt unsafe and worried that his wife did not have the courage to say stop.


When I first became ill, I gave up my licence as I felt unsafe, and at that time I was not on medication, and people said that I was silly to do that. But I was terrified of killing someone else, something I could not live with.

However after being on the medication for a year I got my licence back, but only after I said that I would stick to the rules my wife and I had agreed to.
These included not driving on my own

Not driving when the Grand Children are in the car
Not driving unless I felt up to it and stopping when I felt unwell.

However even though I get reaccessed for my licence every year, it would not bother me if it was refused tomorrow, as I don't drive that much these days, and even though I drove quite a lot in my life since 1968, to me it is not important anymore.

Yet there are many who think it is their right to drive, and it is against their civil liberties for anyone to stop them, but I have to say that the doctors and consultants, should do more about this as they know what the person is capable of doing and what they are not.

Once you are diagnosed with any neurological disease I understand that you must notify the DVLA, yet few people ever do, as many think the doctors should do it and like wise.

Surely if the Doctor was to say that you are unfit to drive that should be the end of it, there by stopping all the heart ache and stress suffered by those caring for those with this illness.

I know myself just how stressed I can get when someone tells my to stop doing something on safety grounds, but then I can understand what they are saying and why they are saying it.Its not just our safety but also others.

That was the main reason I stopped driving in the first place, because I was terrified of running someone over and possibly killing them, and I know I could never live with that.

So perhaps that should be explained to those who refuse to stop driving, and it may help.
 

carrie99

Registered User
Apr 26, 2009
175
0
Yorkshire
Driving

I have had a couple of driving assessments but the lady who did the first and second times was really no good.
Yesterday I had a much better test, and he did what was, in effect, a whole driving test. The only bit I was pants on was reversing between cars into a marked space.
Hopefully I may get 3 years this time - fingers crossed!

Carrie
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,680
0
South West
Driving

Hi Well Done Carrie and congratulations on continuing to drive just go to show Carrie shouldn’t give up on first assessments, hope you get your licence for 3 years but 12 months is better than nothing :)

Tony
 

Feezee

Registered User
Oct 20, 2009
101
0
South West
Hi Callie
Yes, yes and YES!

My dad's DIY skills were always suspect but they became downright dangerous. He drilled holes in walls everywhere and seemed to lose the ability to understand how screws worked. It ended up with holes in most of the walls in his park home, and a strange set up of bits of wood screwed to the walls for no clear reason. When he couldn't work out how to lock or unlock the door or windows, he just took screwdrivers, chisels etc to them and basically wrecked the place. And when I finally saw the drill he'd been using (from the 1950s) I nearly had a heart attack it looked so dangerous.

For driving, he became very dangerous because he would get lost going from Cheltenham to Birmingham on the motorway - lost for days at a time, sleeping in the car, not able to work out where he was, but unable to "stop" and get help in his confusion. In the end I got my husband to write a letter to the DVLA as the police said they couldn't do anything.

It was very traumatic and upsetting for everyone, and my father blamed most of it on me (when he wasn't blaming the neighbour for stitching him up). He said he was going to "fight back" and reapply but he didn't know how to and couldn't articulate what he wanted to do. However, I think after that he forgot about the lack of car problem and forgot that he blamed some of it on me.

So hopefully it will pass for you - sympathies with your predicament, though - it's a difficult time.

Take care
Feezee
 

WLL

Registered User
Dec 28, 2009
20
0
Leicestershire
Callieann,
Its great to hear you have your sense of humour, your post about such a sad subject made me laugh, which is a real change for me.
I had to insist that my other half gave up driving. He does not seem to have that internal 'policeman' these days that tells him to stop. He had several minor bumps, one whilst actually moving, the rest while parking, so I just had to put my foot down. To this day I have car keys hidden. If he found a key he would just drive - no question, license or not. Wouldn't think twice.

I took his car key off him two years ago now, and did not renew his license when the request came, I admit I destroyed the reminder, as I know that anything that makes him think he has no license would likely trigger violence. So now its expired. License or not he would drive, if he had access to a key, so I just take them evrywhere with me.

I was also surprised to see about cutting cables. My husband has done that too, its amazing what you pick up that you thought you were alone with when you read TP. Nothing really drastic yet, but he still sees himself as a minor electrician, something he was never any good at before!:)
Thanks for your post, I can't offer anything more than to say, I know exactly how you feel, and this is what I did.

I just had to take the keys away. Prevent him from ever driving
Walk away from any discussion that I knew would lead to an argument about the driving issue and literally stop any conversations around driving in their tracks. That way we didn't escalate into sreaming matches and in his case violence
Spoke to my doctor, who decided in view of the possible consequences for us both, our best action was to prevent my husband from driving, rather than pursue the issue of sending back his license as this would have no effect on him anyway but to anger him.
This may not help, I know every situation is different. But it is what worked for me. I could not reason with him as his perception was that he was a good driver, despite evidence to the contrary.
Good luck.
WLL
 

CarrieH

Registered User
Dec 31, 2010
182
0
Isle of Wight
I'm still awaiting a diagnosis for my dad, but once that happens one of my biggest fears is that he'll have to give up driving. I've already spoken to my uncle about that possibility, but not to my mum because my dad is her fulltime carer and I know she'll be distraught if my dad has to give up driving because it'll leave her virtually housebound. I do have concerns about my dad's driving, but in his mind he's still a very good driver (he was in the Institute of Advanced Motorists and used to win everything in their competitions). I dread how he'll react if he has to give up driving.
One of the big problems I have at the moment is I can try to ring my parents and the phone just rings and rings. A while ago my dad cut the extension and bell ringer that goes into their lounge. They spend most of their time in the lounge, so no longer hear the phone when it's ringing in the dining room.
 

Ever green

Registered User
Dec 31, 2010
27
0
West Yorkshire
Driving or driving me mad.

How things drop into place when you're least expecting it.
I had to tell Hubby's Doctor how worried I was when I had to go somewhere with his daughter, and asked Hubby to drive the car home and park it up. It was only five miles. On the way home he managed to do the clutch in, leave the car in a dangerous place, have the presence of mind to leave a note on the dashboard to the effect that he'd broken down but A.A were aware, and walk home up a very steep hill. I rang him a few times to check on him, but no answer. Eventually got an answer. I asked him where he'd been. He said he hadn't been anywhere. I said did you manage to get home ok with the car. He said he hadn't been out in the car. I asked him where the car was, he said he didn't know but it wasn't outside.He said he'd been asleep on the settee. I rang a neighbor to go check on him.
He rang back later to say he'd found the car at the bottom of the hill, about 2 miles away. He rang the A.A and they took it to a garage. He'd made a right job of it, in fact the mechanic said it was really awkward to get a new clutch in as it was damaged so bad. He also said the damage had been done within the last ten minutes of being driven so I knew it hadn't been on it's way out.This was only last year, The Doctor told him he must not drive until he's sent his licence in to be assessed for renewal. I sent it in for him as he was arguing with me about it, what right did anyone have to just take his licence away.
I sent a letter with his licence to say he wasn't fit to drive and not to send a renewal form. Fast forward to now and he is in a Home, telling me he's not going to drive anymore as he doesn't feel able to do it. After, I don't know how many arguments and blaming me, the Doctor, the DVLA. I hated having to lie and hide the letters they sent back.