Things that help in some way
- Thread starter Brucie
- Start date
Pot plants! Got loads for my Mum, she had a little balcony so I was able to grow all sorts there. My MinL has a complete herb garden on her window ledge in the kitchen, but there are lots of floral plants in the sitting room. Even in a home, if she has a room of her own, she can have some plants. You can vary them with the season too. This may help soften the blow. When my Mum got too poorly for plants, I got her a beautiful silk cyclamen. It was so life like, she had loads of compliments on her growing skills!! Love She. XX 
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Of course it is her own garden, and plants she's loved for many years (and which remind her of time spent with my father in that garden) that she's so reluctant to leave. But in the end she will have to make some compromises, and get used to pot plants or a balcony or window-sill.
Before my Mum moved out, I dug up bits of, or took cuttings of as many as she wanted. Some we put in pots and she had them on her balcony, others we put into my garden and I made a point of showing her them when they were in flower etc. It is hard for you as well as her I know Lila, thinking of you, love She. XX
The transition is hard for me but as far as I am concerned it'd be such a relief never to have to go back to THAT PLACE.
I wish I could think of a way of moving her so that it will only be one move not two. My brother could do it but I don't know if he wants to. I suppose I could imitate him and just phone or visit unpredictably and erratically. I don't know what would happen to her then.
I wish I could think of a way of moving her so that it will only be one move not two. My brother could do it but I don't know if he wants to. I suppose I could imitate him and just phone or visit unpredictably and erratically. I don't know what would happen to her then.
Dear Lila, one thing I did learn with my Mum, was that I worried so much about how she might react, then found that she actually often took things easier than I'd expected. When she moved from her house to sheltered accomodation, she was so busy "sorting" for ages. So much so, that she didn't seem to think too much about having moved from her home of 40 years. I made sure I kept her well occupied, I visited every other day and rang in between my visits too. You can only do your best Lila, and your doing that now. Take care of yourself too. Love She. XX
I just hope we can find somewhere for her where she'll be safe and independent and near enough to me ... and then that she'll stay sane enough to live there and not get moved on as people do if they have violent attacks.
I think she does know now that the move is going to happen. But moving can be quite enough hassle even if all the parties involved are physically and mentally healthy.
I think she does know now that the move is going to happen. But moving can be quite enough hassle even if all the parties involved are physically and mentally healthy.
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Catch 22 situation. But if she was really unsafe, the powers that be would be able to give you that authority. I take it you do have an POA/EPA in place? If things got much worse, you would need to register that with the Court of protection. As far as I know, this then gives you that authority I think. You can check it out in our fact sheets to be sure. Love She. XX
We have a POA. My mother is not at all happy about it, I think she now cannot remember the solicitor's visit. As I understand it, it gives us the right to sell her house but not to remove her from it ...
As for safety, anything can happen to anyone at any time. At least with carers coming in daily and nurses visiting occasionally she can't starve herself as she was doing before she went to hospital.
She could still go out after dark and fall somewhere too far from the house for the alarm button to work. Nothing we can do to stop her. I can only keep reminding her not to.
Also to visit neighbours to say hello and be friendly, not to rely on them too much to do things for her, as they were and are getting fed up with it.
As for safety, anything can happen to anyone at any time. At least with carers coming in daily and nurses visiting occasionally she can't starve herself as she was doing before she went to hospital.
She could still go out after dark and fall somewhere too far from the house for the alarm button to work. Nothing we can do to stop her. I can only keep reminding her not to.
Also to visit neighbours to say hello and be friendly, not to rely on them too much to do things for her, as they were and are getting fed up with it.
She's had another fall. Not badly hurt by the sound of it but enough to get taken to A & E.
(Well, I know, some people have many such incidents.)
It was while gardening that she fell.
I am afraid with each fall, it is not so much the actual physical harm of falling (so far she's managed to fall without causing much damage), but people will use it as an excuse for restricting her independence. I wonder if they will let her go home or if she will be "put" elsewhere?
Lila
(Well, I know, some people have many such incidents.)
It was while gardening that she fell.
I am afraid with each fall, it is not so much the actual physical harm of falling (so far she's managed to fall without causing much damage), but people will use it as an excuse for restricting her independence. I wonder if they will let her go home or if she will be "put" elsewhere?
Lila
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My mum also loved pottering in the garden until she moved into a home. She still enjoyed walking round the home's garden and being taken to garden centres until the past year. She now complains of backache and tiredness after just a few minutes of walking and seems to have lost interest in gardens. However she always admires flowers on a table etc. I've just bought her some (very good) artificial roses for her room which she appreciates.
How trivial those falls seem now. We walked round the respite home garden when I visited her there. She was delighted to be back in her own garden from the 19th-26th April and went round pulling up dandelions and I went round after her taking "movies". In the last hospital I don't think she was even aware of the fact that there was a garden. I sent flowers on the 4th May, don't know if she received them.
Lila
Lila
things that help
Hi all
Music and children's colouring in books seem to help my Mum calm down, But we have noticed, that within a couple of months, from using many colours on a page she now uses only one, so I don't know how much longer, "colouring in" will work. She also needs to talk all of the time, it doesn't matter to whom, or the subject, just as long as she is talking.
My Dad also has AD, but has always been a very quiet person and is becoming quieter, it is diffcult to say what works for him except, time out, from Mum and the company of other males. Male company is hard to provide on a regular basis, because there are only myself and my 2 daughters and a cousin (all female) who have daily contact. Unfortunately our husbands work in other countries and are not always at home to keep Dad company and that is when he has an episode, as I call it. Asking, who is that woman? (my Mum) and telling her to leave, or he says, he is leaving.
If we can manage to get Dad time on his own and a sleep, without Mum constantly going on about "HIM" wanting to leave her and throwing her out etc. or shaking him awake to see if he is sleeping, he will wake up his normal placid self, or as normal as it gets with AD, worrying about Mum.
It must be hard for both of them, each not understanding that the other can't help what they do, because to them, at the time it is for real.
Sorry for rambling on a bit, I only meant to let others know what works for this family
Alfjess
Hi all
Music and children's colouring in books seem to help my Mum calm down, But we have noticed, that within a couple of months, from using many colours on a page she now uses only one, so I don't know how much longer, "colouring in" will work. She also needs to talk all of the time, it doesn't matter to whom, or the subject, just as long as she is talking.
My Dad also has AD, but has always been a very quiet person and is becoming quieter, it is diffcult to say what works for him except, time out, from Mum and the company of other males. Male company is hard to provide on a regular basis, because there are only myself and my 2 daughters and a cousin (all female) who have daily contact. Unfortunately our husbands work in other countries and are not always at home to keep Dad company and that is when he has an episode, as I call it. Asking, who is that woman? (my Mum) and telling her to leave, or he says, he is leaving.
If we can manage to get Dad time on his own and a sleep, without Mum constantly going on about "HIM" wanting to leave her and throwing her out etc. or shaking him awake to see if he is sleeping, he will wake up his normal placid self, or as normal as it gets with AD, worrying about Mum.
It must be hard for both of them, each not understanding that the other can't help what they do, because to them, at the time it is for real.
Sorry for rambling on a bit, I only meant to let others know what works for this family
Alfjess
Mum constantly asks what can she do to help.
She is happy when she feels that she is being useful, and not sitting wasting time.
She will spend hours weeding, and sweeping in the garden.
The kids never wash up since she moved in, and I only put plates in dishwasher if its a particularly large load, otherwise I leave the washing up for her to do. (mind you its pot luck which cupboard and draws everything ends up in, and I get constant questions about the whereabout of dishcloth and washing up liquid ).
She even starts to sweep the carpet, then I get the dyson out, but apparently has never seen or used a vacuum cleaner in her life so doesn't know how to operate one...
She is happy when she feels that she is being useful, and not sitting wasting time.
She will spend hours weeding, and sweeping in the garden.
The kids never wash up since she moved in, and I only put plates in dishwasher if its a particularly large load, otherwise I leave the washing up for her to do. (mind you its pot luck which cupboard and draws everything ends up in, and I get constant questions about the whereabout of dishcloth and washing up liquid ).
She even starts to sweep the carpet, then I get the dyson out, but apparently has never seen or used a vacuum cleaner in her life so doesn't know how to operate one...
Feeling useful.
Since mum moved in she will constantlyask me what can she do to help.
She spends hours weeding, and sweeping the garden.
The kids haven't washed up since she moved in as she is always at the kitchen sink ready to take over, and the dishwasher is only used for a particularly large load, as mum washes up after the evening meal, ( although which cupboards and draws everything ends up in is anyones guess, and I usually have to find the dishcloth and washing up liquid for her, which she is normally staring at, and only used a few minutes earlier but apparently not.....
whilst I am cooking she will ask every few minutes if there is anything she can do to help, somethimes my reply is "the best help is for you to sit down and not speak for a few minutes", luckily she had a sense of humour and laughs, a few minutes later she will be behind me asking "can I help", so this evening I told her to keep an eye on the sausages, so that kept her occupied for 20 minutes whilst she constantly turned them...
she just wants to be usefull....
Since mum moved in she will constantlyask me what can she do to help.
She spends hours weeding, and sweeping the garden.
The kids haven't washed up since she moved in as she is always at the kitchen sink ready to take over, and the dishwasher is only used for a particularly large load, as mum washes up after the evening meal, ( although which cupboards and draws everything ends up in is anyones guess, and I usually have to find the dishcloth and washing up liquid for her, which she is normally staring at, and only used a few minutes earlier but apparently not.....
whilst I am cooking she will ask every few minutes if there is anything she can do to help, somethimes my reply is "the best help is for you to sit down and not speak for a few minutes", luckily she had a sense of humour and laughs, a few minutes later she will be behind me asking "can I help", so this evening I told her to keep an eye on the sausages, so that kept her occupied for 20 minutes whilst she constantly turned them...
she just wants to be usefull....
My wife has almost no short memory hence no conversation she admired and cuddled a soft toy dog in a friends houseBrucie said:
they arrived with a toy dog and she just fell hook line and sinker for it
she was always fond of dogs and cats and this has opened a new world of conversation she talks to it sings to it asks it did it miss her she asked it what age it was did it miss her
this in in the middle of not being able to get any sentence put together it is just amazing I find it hard to cope with but to stand back and listen is just unbelivable
to hear her recall these phrases and questions is stunning
If you have someone who had a pet or a fondness for what ever beads pens etc introduce them this was so simple you could not believe the window it has opened so simply a new world or a link to an old worlddepending how you look at it but boy is it something to watch
pit your wits and try just some simple thing
thinking caps on full speed
Thanks for looking in
Tunnytb
Hi tunnytb and welcome to Talking Point
It's interesting you should raise the subject of soft toys: lots of forum member have reported that their loved ones get a lot of pleasure from a stuffed animal, or in some cases a doll. It can be a bit odd to get used from the outside looking in, but for some people these objects can give them real comfort.
It's interesting you should raise the subject of soft toys: lots of forum member have reported that their loved ones get a lot of pleasure from a stuffed animal, or in some cases a doll. It can be a bit odd to get used from the outside looking in, but for some people these objects can give them real comfort.
HI
My MUm now has a Polar Bear which she religiously takes to bed every night now. He is looking a bit soiled and I would love to bring him back for a wash but I am terrified that she may not sleep as peacefully without him.
Mum's home staff also found that a baby doll worked wonders with some of the female residents for calming them when agitated.
Mum was also a great needleworker and in the moderate days we would look for hours at books about needlecrafts with all the pictures and she would say what she liked and what she planned to do. It was bittersweet as I knew that she would not be able to do the things that she was talking about, she had already lostnthe ability to knit.
Other times we have looked at books of photographs of places she has known. She could not remeber them but knew which ones she liked.
Mameeskye
My MUm now has a Polar Bear which she religiously takes to bed every night now. He is looking a bit soiled and I would love to bring him back for a wash but I am terrified that she may not sleep as peacefully without him.
Mum's home staff also found that a baby doll worked wonders with some of the female residents for calming them when agitated.
Mum was also a great needleworker and in the moderate days we would look for hours at books about needlecrafts with all the pictures and she would say what she liked and what she planned to do. It was bittersweet as I knew that she would not be able to do the things that she was talking about, she had already lostnthe ability to knit.
Other times we have looked at books of photographs of places she has known. She could not remeber them but knew which ones she liked.
Mameeskye
Well here's one we discovered yesterday that doesn't fit any of the voting options.
I was ploughing through a mountain of ironing yesterday when mum shooed me out of the way and started ironing like a demon. She didn't want me to take over from her and finished the lot!
After every item she came and showed it to me and I told her how good it was and how much help she was to me and she smiled - something we don't see a lot of anymore.
Once she'd finished she gave me a big hug and a kiss and tootled off back home to dad.
To be honest I was feeling guilty about it as though I was taking advantage but that's the longest I've been able to keep her calmly occupied in ages. Admitedly she did burn one pair of pants but who cares - I'm a general scruff bag at the best of times.
Should I be feeling bad about it?
I was ploughing through a mountain of ironing yesterday when mum shooed me out of the way and started ironing like a demon. She didn't want me to take over from her and finished the lot!
After every item she came and showed it to me and I told her how good it was and how much help she was to me and she smiled - something we don't see a lot of anymore.
Once she'd finished she gave me a big hug and a kiss and tootled off back home to dad.
To be honest I was feeling guilty about it as though I was taking advantage but that's the longest I've been able to keep her calmly occupied in ages. Admitedly she did burn one pair of pants but who cares - I'm a general scruff bag at the best of times.
Should I be feeling bad about it?
