Opinions Please

[cymro1]

I have been told that the carers mood and attitude rubs off on the sufferer and I am noticing this myself although I am a new carer as my wife has only recently been diagnosed with early stages.

Has anyone else had this experience ?

I am giving my wife reasonably easy arithmatic so that she exercises her brain on a daily basis and this too I think is helping to make her more alert as to what is going on around her. She is also encouraged to do work outs with light weights in order to keep her body reasonably fit.

Probably the inevitable deterioration will occur over time but whatever delay can be achieved must be a good thing surely. Are there any thoughts and/or opinions on this please.

 

[CaPattinson]

Delay

Hello Cymro1, I would have thought delaying the progres of this disease can only be a good thing. Keeping the mind and body fit is good for anybody. Just my lay opinion, I am not sure of the practicalities or success of this with this disease. Sorry I can't be more helpful. i wish you well Cymro1. Take care XX

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Cymro

I think you are correct about carer`s moods and attitudes rubbing off on the sufferer most of the time. But , depending on the sufferer, they can have mood swings which are unexplainable.

I know if ever I was impatient my husband would react badly ,but often I was calm and pleasant and he would have outbursts too.

It`s a question of knowing the person you are caring for and behaving to the best of your ability.

I also tried to keep my husband`s mind and body as active as possible. WE exercised every day, we read the papers and I too gave him simple mathematical problems to solve, usually mental arithmetic test from the daily papers.

I do not know whether or not it helped to slow the progression but at least I know I tried. xx

 

[sonia owen]

Yes

Hi,

I am a fairly new carer for my Mum,I think I am also learning from other people, of the best ways I can deal with things. If I am not sure, I ask here for any advice that folks can give me.
I think my mood could rub off on Mum,if I let it. I find if Mum doesnot like something, or we suggest that maybe we try things and she doesnot want to do it. She can get nasty,I may have answered her back in the past, but I now just think it's the illness that makes her like this,and I try to walk away, which seem's to work at the moment. She has forgotten anything ever happened that she did'nt like 20 mins later. I used to feel hurt and sad that she could become like that, just have to say its the illness not her. The other day she said to me I am never ever going to speak to you again, this was as I was going home, I felt so hurt, but the next day she rang me as if nothing had happened. So its can be hard not to let your mood effect them, most of the time, I don't think they can always tell what mood you are in.

My youngest Son lives in Sydney, he just loves it.
I hope you have a good support network out there where you are.
Sorry for rambling take care of yourself. Love Sonia xxx

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Cymro:
I think you and your wife are doing well to keep brain and physical activities going.

I am sure the mood of the carer matters massively, even more so as the disease progresses.

Patience and tolerance are essential; I also worked on keeping up the trust we had; that became increasingly important as my husband's abilities were lost. Even when he went beyond understanding I would always discuss money matters and similar things with him.

Whenever I became too frustrated to handle a situation, I walked away - either a cuppa in another room or outside in the garden. A few deep breaths and usually all was well again

 

[Helen33]

Dear Cymro,

I do know that Alan, my late husband, was affected by my mood and attitude or other people's moods and attitudes. Personally I think it must be a very frightening place for the person with the disease to find themselves becoming dependant upon another person. I imagine people's moods and attitudes would highly contribute towards whether the person getting accustomed to their changing world would feel safe or unsafe with regard to becoming dependant.

I think it is good to try to keep healthy for as long as possible. I decided that it was more important for my husband to have the 'feel good factor' surrounding him as much as possible. We found things that Alan could feel good about. I made sure the sitters showed proper attention to him (even though he was losing intelligible speech and language) and that they actively showed an interest in what he was trying to tell them. I bought puzzles and simple maths books for Alan and soon found out which of these things helped him to feel good about himself. There were some things that made him feel worse because it highlighted his inability but there were plenty of things that we found he could still do and things that brought pleasure and enjoyment and a sense of achievement and satisfaction. As the disease progressed these things were adjusted until, at the end, one of the last things that remained was Alan cutting up bread for the birds and him doing it well and feeling good about doing it.



Love and best wishes and looking forward to hearing how you get on.

 

[desperado]

I just think of how I was affected when my Mum and Dad argued in front of me. Yes the carer's mood can dfinitely affect the person you are caring for. I've also tried the arithmetic tests but these sometimes work and other times Mum just can't think stright at all. We have a laugh though.

 

[lin1]

My moods ddefinatley affected mum and her moods me.

mum always seemed to know if I was in a hurry even when in late stages, thats when mum took even longer eating, on the loo ect.

I learned to walk away when necessary to give us both a chance to calm down.

I think so long as the person enjoys the activity its good for them. mum used to love folding things

 

[Onlyme]

I seem to be the odd one out. I go in with the best intentions, happy, smilie and wanting to help but Mum shoots me down at every turn. She tells me I have it wrong and I am always right and SHE knows etc. The list of what I have or haven't done is endless. I end up wanting to be mean back to her.

 

[Grannie G]

You are not the odd one out Lemony.

I will qualify it by saying my less than good moods affected my husband but if he was having a mood swing, nothing in the world could be done to make him feel better.
Like Jan and her husband, I had to walk away and leave him to come out of it in his own time. It has taken up to 3 days.

 

[Lonestray]

Valued and loved

Knowing that your valued and loved makes any of us feel safe and secure. Once I removed my wife from a NH to care for her at home she improved. Though she cold no longer speak we both knew that we were dependent on each other. Knowing there was but one end, each day was special and five years flew by. I feel privileged to have been able to devote loving care 24/7 to the first person to show me love.
All animals, even human animals know when someone truly cares.

 

[sunny]

I think the only thing I would say is going to be needed in abundance is patience and although I think you mean well by setting your wife some fairly easy arithmetic, I am wondering how you will approach this when she is not able to do this arithmetic and also how she will feel when she is not able to do it, will she think she has failed you in some way? I think it seems like a test for her. I always thing its better to really encourage people to do things they know they can do well (on that particular day, because each day is different) because that keeps their morale up and confidence which is so important. And also do things together that are of mutual enjoyment to you both. Also to encourage exercise as you are doing and particularly walking, both together outside and meeting others and also just enjoying each other's company (let her take her time, dont rush).

You will notice changes of moods in her (sometimes for no apparent reasons)but you will have to try and remain cool, because if you become agitated it will have an effect on her.

 

[Christin]

I have heard the term use it or lose it and I always find it a bit harsh. I can see that you are well intentioned and are setting the sums for the best reasons but my first thought was it is a bit like being back at school and for me that was not a good time of my life. Please don't be offended, I am outspoken and I never mean to upset anyone, but could you perhaps do crosswords or jigsaw puzzles together? Sums don't sound like much fun.

 

[miss cool]

Hi Cymro just from my point of veiw i have AD and VD for a long time now and moods of other people do effect me i seen to be able to pick up on peoples moods very easly espesally when they are in a mood becouse of me wether they are angry or just frustrated with me, so the anser to your question is i suspect yes it dose effect the person.

love miss cool.xxxxxxxx

 

[Lucille]

Whilst I agree up to a point that in some sufferers they will be affected by their carer's mood, I don't think it applies to all. I can remember once, hanging up clean curtains in mum's bedroom, balancing on a chair with aching arms, but being in a good mood. Mum appeared at the door and was very nasty. Saying she was capable, had changed the curtains "last week", why was I interfering, why was I taking over, that I was an awful daughter and that her life wasn't her own. I can tell you it was a good job the window couldn't have been fully opened, otherwise I would have jumped out of it

Vile illness. Just do what you can. And endeavour to keep a sense of humour ... not always easy, I know.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Hello Cyrmo

I have been told that the carers mood and attitude rubs off on the sufferer and I am noticing this myself although I am a new carer as my wife has only recently been diagnosed with early stages. Quote: Cymro


Hello
I would say the opposite.
The mood and attitude of anyone with dementia, rubs off on us the carer.
We are the ones in charge of our brains, they, our loved ones , who knows ~.
We are the ones who respond, with sound minds, they cannot.
Who is right, and who is wrong.

What is dementia anyway ??
We all have a different output.
Do not underestimate a person with a brain condition.
I know they, the person can still understand that something is wrong.
They, the person, do not understand what it is.
Still self aware. But all muddled up kind of way.
Just my oppinion.
And, you know, if you listen, they will talk to you, but you have to listen Learn to talk the talk, learn to walk the walk, in other words, hear what they say.

Barb X

 

[Jancis]

Hi,
I liked Helen's contribution to this thread as she obviously feels quite passionate that her husband's efforts in helping feed the birds was good for him. As your wife is in the early stage I wondered if you could encourage a revisit to an old hobby. Nothing too challenging. I wondered why you chose arithmetic - was she naturally good with numbers?

 

[cymro1]

Thanks A lot

Thankyou friends for your opinions and helpful advice, It is appreciated as I learn to deal with this terrible disease of a loved one. By the way Sylvia, That is my wife's name also.

Yes Sonia, We have very good health care facilities out here. and there is an Alzheimers society here.

My wife and I were recently in Weston Super Mare visiting a cousin of mine during our trip back "Home" Pleased to see the pier is back operating again which is such a wonderful attraction to the sea front at Weston. My memories of the place goes back over 65 years as my Gran had a house in York st. for years.( Opposite the New Pier, next to the picture hall there. ) It was lovely to be back there again and Sylvia my wife absolutely loves going back. I only hope she can hang on to the memories for some time to come. Ledbury in Herefordshire was also visited for a week. We spent 3 months running around from May to August. Nice weather too.

Thanks again everyone. Love and best wishes to you all.

 

[Goingitalone]

Hi there, and well done for all the love and work you are putting in.

I know that when I laugh Mum laughs, whether she has understood or not.

So I try to laugh as much as I can. I love to see her smiling and happy. She always had a wonderful sense of humour.

They say that laughter is good therapy. I'm determined that Mum will have lots of laughter.