mother with dementia
- Thread starter tania
- Start date
Hello Tania, I am so sorry to read your thread. We went through a long stage of FIL wanting to die and being so depressed. Now it does seem to have passed and he just sits although he does still have outbursts of anger, verbal only thank goodness but usually directed at me. He can be very disapproving if we're not doing what he wants us to do. He has never had any medication, we have always been told that there is nothing that will help. I have learnt to just walk away, I have cried often, sometimes my heart beats so fast I feel sick. Of course, there are also good days.
FIL has a very good social worker, who has sorted regular weekly sitters for us, and direct payments to help us find some respite, no magic wand of course. I have a brilliant carers' support worker who is there for me. If you don't have any help then please phone social services and stress that you really need some.
I am sending you a hug and my heart goes out to you. Be strong. x
FIL has a very good social worker, who has sorted regular weekly sitters for us, and direct payments to help us find some respite, no magic wand of course. I have a brilliant carers' support worker who is there for me. If you don't have any help then please phone social services and stress that you really need some.
I am sending you a hug and my heart goes out to you. Be strong. x
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mums no better
My mum is no better she is crying nearly all day says I keep hitting her, went away for five days my sister looked after her,and she had a hard time with my mum ,,kept going out in the rain my sister walking with her then she said my sister was hitting her I thought when I come back that she would be happy but she still is convinced that I hit her I cuddle her and say I wouldnt hit you dont cry then she says well stop hitting me I have a real job trying to get her up she cries and then she gets dressed she has lost all interest in her reading and television does not want to do anything .I have a lady come on a friday from crossroads who sits with her for three hours that is my sanity ,the memory clinic dont really know what to give her now I have an appointment 2nd november to take her there but I dont have much hope there .
My mum is no better she is crying nearly all day says I keep hitting her, went away for five days my sister looked after her,and she had a hard time with my mum ,,kept going out in the rain my sister walking with her then she said my sister was hitting her I thought when I come back that she would be happy but she still is convinced that I hit her I cuddle her and say I wouldnt hit you dont cry then she says well stop hitting me I have a real job trying to get her up she cries and then she gets dressed she has lost all interest in her reading and television does not want to do anything .I have a lady come on a friday from crossroads who sits with her for three hours that is my sanity ,the memory clinic dont really know what to give her now I have an appointment 2nd november to take her there but I dont have much hope there .
mums getting worse
Hi managed to get mums appointment brought forward at memory clinic going today dont hold out much hope there as last time the doctor said she was running out of ideas what to give mum, this last week she has been crying constantly saying everyone hits her it is so upsetting because she really believes it yesterday she got in such a state I give her a diaziapan my doctor prescribed for when she really gets stressed calmed her down quite a bit I have been ill myself so have found it quite difficult this week some days feel you cant cope but I haveto be well to look after mum .
Hi managed to get mums appointment brought forward at memory clinic going today dont hold out much hope there as last time the doctor said she was running out of ideas what to give mum, this last week she has been crying constantly saying everyone hits her it is so upsetting because she really believes it yesterday she got in such a state I give her a diaziapan my doctor prescribed for when she really gets stressed calmed her down quite a bit I have been ill myself so have found it quite difficult this week some days feel you cant cope but I haveto be well to look after mum .
Hi Tania
I am sure it is just a stage that your Mum is going through, although I know that doesn't make it any easier for you at the moment
This time last year I was at my wits end with my Mum and her accusations, I was devastated by the things my Mum accused me of, and I really could not understand how she could think such things. It was a very, very hard period of time.
If it is any help things are easier now...I still have to tread on eggshells but the wild accusations seemed to have stopped.
I know how 'chewed up' inside you must be feeling by it all and how hurt you must be feeling, but hopefully this will also be just a stage for your Mum too.
Thinking of you. X
I am sure it is just a stage that your Mum is going through, although I know that doesn't make it any easier for you at the moment
This time last year I was at my wits end with my Mum and her accusations, I was devastated by the things my Mum accused me of, and I really could not understand how she could think such things. It was a very, very hard period of time.
If it is any help things are easier now...I still have to tread on eggshells but the wild accusations seemed to have stopped.
I know how 'chewed up' inside you must be feeling by it all and how hurt you must be feeling, but hopefully this will also be just a stage for your Mum too.
Thinking of you. X
Hi Tania
I'm sorry things are so hard for you just now.
My mum has vascular dementia, anxiety and depression and she lives with me and my husband (has done for the past 13 years).
She constantly picks at me and calls me names that I didn't know she knew the words for! She has one constant story that she tells everyone and that's that I've tried to drown her. Fortunately (she says) the priest was passing by and jumped in and saved her. She also says I hit her and that I've stolen everything from her.
I used to find it very hurtful but it's gone on for so long, I suppose I've just got used to it. I do find it harder to cope with when I'm tired or unwell.
Mum's been prescribed many drugs to help with the aggression and violence but they have all had unwanted side-effects that made a difficult situation even worse. At the moment the only antidepressant she takes is Mirtazapine and she has taken this for years. Recently we were told to double the dosage but she was zonked out with it so we're back to the minimum dose.
I hope you feel better soon and that you get some help from the memory clinic.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you just now.
My mum has vascular dementia, anxiety and depression and she lives with me and my husband (has done for the past 13 years).
She constantly picks at me and calls me names that I didn't know she knew the words for! She has one constant story that she tells everyone and that's that I've tried to drown her. Fortunately (she says) the priest was passing by and jumped in and saved her. She also says I hit her and that I've stolen everything from her.
I used to find it very hurtful but it's gone on for so long, I suppose I've just got used to it. I do find it harder to cope with when I'm tired or unwell.
Mum's been prescribed many drugs to help with the aggression and violence but they have all had unwanted side-effects that made a difficult situation even worse. At the moment the only antidepressant she takes is Mirtazapine and she has taken this for years. Recently we were told to double the dosage but she was zonked out with it so we're back to the minimum dose.
I hope you feel better soon and that you get some help from the memory clinic.
mothers tablets
I took my mother to memory clinic again the doctor has increased mums dosage of citalopram given her clonazepen and abilify aripiprazole she has been like a zombie still crying not as much what is worse being sedated like this and still with bad thoughts or bad thoughts and with it just been in and given mum her normal tablets and she doesnt want to get up and says she wants to die and says she knows she is going to, my heart is breaking to see her like this .what to do next i dont know
I took my mother to memory clinic again the doctor has increased mums dosage of citalopram given her clonazepen and abilify aripiprazole she has been like a zombie still crying not as much what is worse being sedated like this and still with bad thoughts or bad thoughts and with it just been in and given mum her normal tablets and she doesnt want to get up and says she wants to die and says she knows she is going to, my heart is breaking to see her like this .what to do next i dont know
Hi Tania,
sorry I have missed your posts, just caught up.
This is a lonely disease, there are so many problems with it and no drugs to cure the problems, it seems. Seeing your mum suffer like this is terrible for you, and for the many people who care for loved ones with Alzheimers.
I can't think what to say other than that you are doing your best and you must believe that. It is very wearing, but it seems there is little you or anyone can do to get it into your mum's head that she is loved and cared for.
Many of us know what this is like, I think you need to get all the support you can for yourself, your feeling bad and unable to cope will not be helpful for either of you, see if other people have suggestions, mine is to see your doctor first off, if you havent already, and to arrange for another day when the sitter comes.
love
sorry I have missed your posts, just caught up.
This is a lonely disease, there are so many problems with it and no drugs to cure the problems, it seems. Seeing your mum suffer like this is terrible for you, and for the many people who care for loved ones with Alzheimers.
I can't think what to say other than that you are doing your best and you must believe that. It is very wearing, but it seems there is little you or anyone can do to get it into your mum's head that she is loved and cared for.
Many of us know what this is like, I think you need to get all the support you can for yourself, your feeling bad and unable to cope will not be helpful for either of you, see if other people have suggestions, mine is to see your doctor first off, if you havent already, and to arrange for another day when the sitter comes.
love
My lovely mum
My mum passed away on thursday last week she suffered terrible in the last week she was so strong and would not give up after all these months but her body could not hold out any longer missing my mum terribly the funeral is on monday dreading it I know she is no longer suffering but all I can hear is her saying oh please dont let me die and all I kept saying to her your not I am getting you better my head feels so confused at the moment
tania
My mum passed away on thursday last week she suffered terrible in the last week she was so strong and would not give up after all these months but her body could not hold out any longer missing my mum terribly the funeral is on monday dreading it I know she is no longer suffering but all I can hear is her saying oh please dont let me die and all I kept saying to her your not I am getting you better my head feels so confused at the moment
tania
Tania, I am so sorry that you have lost your Mum, however at least she is no longer suffering. Yes I know that sounds like a platitude, but it is sincerely meant. I hope that you can have the strength to carry you over these next few particularly sad times and that you find some happy memories to hang onto. Take Care, love Maureen.x.
Tania, I am so sorry to read your sad news.
To suggest that you think of your dear Mum now being at peace may sound unhelpful. I can only hope that in time your sorrow will ease and that you will gain comfort in knowing that her suffering is over.
I am sending you my kindest regards and strength to see you through this difficult time.
Hazel
To suggest that you think of your dear Mum now being at peace may sound unhelpful. I can only hope that in time your sorrow will ease and that you will gain comfort in knowing that her suffering is over.
I am sending you my kindest regards and strength to see you through this difficult time.
Hazel
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