Thrown in the Towel-

kittypurry

Registered User
Aug 8, 2010
24
0
I haven't logged in for a while but I read all the amazing stories about how many of you have not just been carers but actually care soo much and I felt bad for reading and not replying:(

MIL has been with us 7 months,

We have a have a 1 year old, 6 year old and baby due next month.

After deterioration ( oh the stories we all have)but final straw small children need to locked in at night-- we have decided that best thing is to sell her house and move on---we can't sustain a family life anyome ( we moved into her house when she went into a dementia home- after a year and not being happy with her care we wanted to try to care for her in her home with our family so brought her back)

Am wracked with guilt cos we failed after just 7 months.:(
Also we are homeless as we have no savings/income as husband gave up civil engineer job to care for her.

Council put on onlist--8/10 month wait. House completes in 3 weeks.

House is sold and ready for her to move into fabulous place in her original village with friends she knew ( in respite she remembered them so really hoping she does when she moves in)

Tried to do the best thingxx Now homelessx
Glad we tried.
Just at a loss to what to do now.
 

larivy

Registered User
Apr 19, 2009
5,225
0
70
essex
You did your best I struggle some times and there's just the two of us to worry about sounds like you have found a good home for her now you must get rid of that nasty mr guilt and Consentrate on trying to find you and your family a home and spend time with them you can still be there for your mil even though she's in a home good luck keep on at the council hope something turns up soon love larivy
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Am so sorry your in such a difficult situation .

Have you informed your council you will be homelessness in a few weeks, they maybe able to provide temp accomodation.

You tried your best to look after mil, but you children must come first ,it is not easy caring for someone with this illness and when you all live together and have young children well ...

Will you Please let us know how you all get on
 

Mo_N

Registered User
Oct 29, 2009
1,007
0
73
South East Essex
There is nothing to feel guilty about. You did what you thought was best for your MIL, had the courage to try & even more courage to admit it hasn't worked.

If there is any justice left in this world you will get decent accommodation very soon.

Just wish there was something constructive I could do to help your situation.

I hope your MIL settles well this time & that you & your family find a happy home in which to welcome your new addition next month.

Take care & let us know how you are getting on.

Mo
x
 

izzie

Registered User
Jul 4, 2007
28
0
Hertfordshire
Be proud, be proud. See inside yourself it takes a special person to try>>>> but an even more special one to admit it didnt work.
\Hang on tight and take care x
 

sallyc

Registered User
Aug 20, 2008
1,674
0
47
suffolk
You did an amazing thing, to even try. I know you feel guilty, but you really have no need to. Your children must come first. I really hope you can sort something out really soon. Keep on, and on, and on at the council. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
I didn't try to look after mum myself and I tell myself I can't give up my job with 2kids to support - at least you tried so don't feel guilty! You have done way more than me. As long as you've done your best...
Your children need you now so put them first for a bit if you can, and don't forget you need a break too! Put your feet up when you can. Don't stand when you can sit and don't sit when you can lie, that's what the midwife told me. X
 

CaPattinson

Registered User
May 19, 2010
11,730
0
West Yorks
REmember

I remember someone asking advice about whether to become full-time carers with young childre and one on the way. I'm sorry if I have you mixed up with someone else but the general opinion was not to. As i say if it wasn'tyou, i apologise. The point is youve tried your level best and it hasn't worked out. Well done for trying but you must make sure you have place to live.

Do Councils not have an obligtion to find accommodation if you are going to be homeless, especially with children? Perhaps you cd contact the Citizens Advice Bureau. The should be able to help you with your options.

Don't leave it till the last minute, talk to CAB and let them help.
I wish you the very best outcome possible. You don't deserve to become homeless.

Do let ue know how you get on. xX
 

Bronwen

Registered User
Jan 8, 2010
602
0
85
Bristol
Never forget you all tried and at such a cost to your family..no one can ask more. I do hope things improve for you now. Your MIL is a very lucky lady to have such a caring family.


love
Bronwen x
 

sussexsue

Registered User
Jun 10, 2009
1,527
0
West Sussex
This is one of the saddest posts I have read. What wonderful people you are to try and do the best for your MIL, and even now you are putting her needs ahead of your own.

Your focus must really be on your young family. You should be enjoying these early days with them. I reall hope your local council can find you somewhere to live and that your husband can get back into work.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

Sue
 

Goingitalone

Registered User
Feb 11, 2010
1,684
0
What an amazing family you are to have tried so hard.

My heart goes out to you and I am full of admiration for the way you have tried so hard to do what's best for your MIL.

Don't beat yourself up-you've done more than most of us could.

You haven't failed.

You deserve the very best of accommodation. With another baby on the way you won't have time to rest for a while.

If it was in my power you would be in 1st class accommodation with a maid to wait on you for the next year. You deserve nothing less.

Hope something turns up for you soon.

Maggie
 

keeper

Registered User
Oct 9, 2010
2
0
thrown the towel in

sweetheart, you have to go immediately to social services and declare yourself homeless, you may have to go into a hostel of some sort initially but will soon be rehoused, through no fault of your own, I am at the beginning of a similar situation that you have just finished, what advice would you give me? I am terrified, two young kids, about to take a big step into looking after a virtual stranger, who is ill through no fault of her own, I don't know where to start and can't see the finish, completely inexperienced, its hopeless.its all too big to comprehend and I really believe we are expected to do all we can before they crumble and we crack up.you have done your stint, try and find some peace, you deserve it, enjoy your family and that new baby, I wish you lots of luck and love for a very happy future.xx
 

elliedan93

Registered User
Sep 21, 2010
30
0
please dont feel guilty at all at some point you have to remember your own family we cared for my dad for two years and we too have 2 children aged 6 and 12 and there whole life become about there grandad and seeing there mum tired and tearful most days they too were affected and they have there whole lives ahead of them. After LA deciding the best thing was if dad went into a residental home for his own safety I was devastated and cried night after night and day!! Now he has been in there two weeks and yes we have good and bad days still but generally he really happy and we still get to seem him everyday you have done your very best keep strong xxx
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
138,109
Messages
1,993,071
Members
89,775
Latest member
Andrew Fargher