My darling Ken

[cathyb]

So Sorry

So sorry to hear your news, I shall be thinking of you both I know how you must be feeling, my poor mum was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday.

Lots of love and hugs

Cathyb

 

[connie]

Dearest Tina, I don't log on very often so you can imagine my shock at your news.

I remember the Bank Holiday and Ken's visit to A & E, neither imagined that this would be the ultimate outcome.

If I can do anything or be of comfort you know where I am.
Love 'n hugs to you both.

 

[Nan2seven]

Dear Tina,

I have only just now found your thread and am so sorry to learn how unwell your dear Ken is. Thankfully he is not in any pain.

It must have been a devastating blow for you yesterday and so very difficult to come to terms with. Do look after yourself through these dark days.

Thinking of you and sending love, Nan XXX

 

[geum123]

Dear Tina
I am so very sorry.
You are both in my thoughts.
Love Geum xx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Tina

From reading everyone`s posts I can only see how much we all wish we could do more to help you both.
It is terrifying how things can change virtually overnight.
Love xx

 

[TinaT]

I had the afternoon from hell today and because of car problems have not been able to see Ken. I set off in the car at my usual time but the noise when I braked had been worrying me for a few days and today it was really bad.

I called into the garage on my way to Ken expecting that it needed some oil somewhere on the wheels. After inspection I was told the back brakes and disks had completely worn through and had to be done immediately as the car was unsafe to drive. So I've spent the whole afternoon wandering around waiting for the repair to be completed, worrying about Ken and not able to phone as I had left my moble at home.

At 5pm I got the car back, paid out my £280 and felt so ill with tiredness and worry I had to set off home. The four mile car journey took an hour because of the traffic.

I've phoned the Care Home and Ken has had a good evening and is very settled. Thank God for that. There was also a message from the GP's surgery asking me to ring them. By the time I had got this mkessage the surgery was closed so I will have to ring again in the morning. I expect it will be about the emergency appointment. I hope so.

My boys are being very supportive which is a great blessing to me. Even though they both live at each end of the country they have offered to come with me when we see the consultant. Unfortunately they have both booked a holiday for two weeks: one starting next week and the other boy's holiday starting in in two weeks. Thank God for text messages and I know they will keep in touch daily. Both holidays are abroad. They need their holiday as they have been working through a lot of things themselves and I do want them to go.

I am so grateful for all your kind thoughts and best wishes. Thank you all of you who have taken the trouble to let me know how much you care about us both. I'm very humbled.

xxTinaT

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi Tina, I am glad your sons are being so supportive, it's at times like you realise the quality of your family.
You must be in shock Tina and I hope you are being kind to yourself. Bless you and Ken. Xxxx

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Tina:
Car problems are the last straw at such difficult times. Thankfully your Ken was comfortable and it does seem the Home are wonderful with him.

From this Thread it is obvious how much love and respect you have here; I think we all want this next phase in your lives to run as smoothly and as comfortably as it can. Thanks for updating us.

 

[Skye]

Tina, it never rains but it pours. What a day to have car trouble.

I'm glad at least that Ken has been comfortable, but I hope you're feeling more relaxed and can have a reasonable night.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Love,

 

[Helen33]

Dear Tina,

Trust me to see things differently but I think if ever there was a time to get your car fixed and safety ensured it is NOW. You did not need this further down the line. It is now done - YOU are safe and you will have far more likelihood of being there for Ken when you really need to be rather than being involved in an accident or stuck with a car that needs repairing

I do, however, know how stressful this will have all been as it was through incidents like this that I developed the saying that "life gives no concessions whatsoever for any dementia or any illness - it just carries on as it would anyway"!! We have to deal with EVEN MORE THAN USUAL and you did it Tina even though you are suffering with your own health problems!!

My hope for you is that life throws little extra in your path as you deal directly with the situation with Ken and yourself.

Lots of love x

 

[sue38]

Well said Helen.

I developed the saying that "life gives no concessions whatsoever for any dementia or any illness - it just carries on as it would anyway"!!

How many of us have said to ourselves 'today of all days life could have given me a break'? Life just aint like that.

Tina, I hope the messages you have received show how much you are valued on TP, and how much you have been missed.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Tina

It sounds as if, so far for Ken, life is as usual. You are the one with the pain.

I`m sorry you had such a rotten afternoon but at least the car is good now and reliable and Ken was unaware of your troubles.

Love xx

 

[sad nell]

Tina what a day you have had, thank goodness you got those brakes sorted, glad ken is not in pain. hope you manage some sleep so you can face whatever tomorrow brings. love to all your family Pam

 

[TinaT]

Tomorrow is a new day for us all. We keep our spirits up and our hope that we can do our best for our loved ones. Good night all.

xxTinaT

 

[florence43]

It sounds as if, so far for Ken, life is as usual. You are the one with the pain.

So true. Tina, when my dad was diagnosed last year he seemed very accepting, and he didn't have AD. It was my mum we were more worried about because we didn't know what her dementia would allow her to understand. We too, it turned out, were always in more "pain" than dad, and he lived longer than the doctors imagined, came to my daughter's Christening and towards the end had ice-cream for lunch then feel asleep in the evening...

He never appeared in any particular pain and didn't have any relief or oxygen. He lived and left with dignity.

I hope that whatever treatment Ken may or may not have, that he is comfortable and peaceful.

My thoughts have been with you both since you shared the difficult news.

Take care, and feel free to PM.

e,Lov

 

[TinaT]

Well Ken and I had the visit to the consultant this morning and the news is pretty much as I described it after the scan. He has lung cancer which has spread into his bones. It is inoperable and Ken will be given palliative care as his condition dictates.

The consultant was absolutely sure of the diagnosis and would not be putting Ken through the stress of a biopsy because the cancer was too advanced for the biopsy to be of use. This would just be an academic exercise which was not of benefit to Ken. The cancer is at a stage where no cure is possible.

He hasn't any pain or lung problems at all at the moment. Should this change then it is possible to give him a light anasthetic and some intensive radiation therapy to temporarily shrink the tumour in his lungs but this would not be a cure and would not alieviate any bone pain from the secondaries.

All I can do now is to ensure that what is left of the rest of his life is as pain free as possible. The Care Home have assured me that Ken can stay there throughout this time and that they will get in the nursing care he will be needing.

The consultant said that Ken's suffering would not be of too long a period as the cancer is so advanced. I just am so thankful that at the moment he is in no pain or discomfort. I hope and pray that he will not suffer. He has already suffered so much. He was in his mid 50's when dementia reared its ugly head and now at the age of 68, he has the cancer to cope with on top of this. Enough is enough for one man to bear.

xxTinaT

 

[Helen33]

Dear Tina,

Thank you or the update Tina after you've had such a momentous day. It is so good to hear that Ken will receive the utmost care from the home and that they will bring in nursing support as and when necessary. My heart goes out to you Tina.

Love

 

[scarletpauline]

I'm sorry to hear things have got this bad, but isn't it great that Ken isn't in pain or having problems with his breathing. The care home are being so kind to you both, I am sure that Ken's last days will be as comfortable as you would wish, love and hugs Pauline xxx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Thank you for the update Tina. Even though it sounds as if everything is under control for Ken as far as can be humanly managed, it must neverthelss be a harrowing time for you and I send you my love,sympathy and hugs today and for the future. Deborah x

 

[JPG1]

Tina,

I do know that you will understand when I say that we are also thinking of you and Ken still.

Your words 'enough is enough for one man to bear' echo the same words we also had to use. Doesn't make it any easier for you, I know, but it may help to know that we were where you are now, and that we share your pain, albeit from a distance.

My thoughts will remain with you, for as long as they may provide comfort to you, or even to me in my own life.

~