Hello all, really glad I found this forum!
The situation is:
My mum had a brain haemorrhage 7 years ago which left her with no short term memory and she needs 24 hour supervision, which is provided by my dad. She is mobile but needs prompting with everything. However, at the beginning of August my dad had a mini stroke. They both came to recuperate with us for 3 weeks after he left hospital (I had to go down to stay with mum while he was in to look after her - we are 5 hours away). They went home at the beginning of September and Dad seemed okay, he wasn't affected physically by the stroke, just mentally. He was a bit confused about dates etc but apart from that he seemed fine.
A few weeks on and he is getting much worse in his memory and behaviour. Before the stroke his memory was going a bit but now it seems absolutely awful. They live in a retirement flat and the managers are really good and let me know if there are any problems but I am worried about them - I think due to dad's problems that their standard of personal care is probably slipping. My mum is not quite incontinent but needs to go "right away" and whereas dad used to make sure she went to the toilet before they went out, I think he isn't doing that now which leds to obvious problems when they are out.
Some of his behaviour has been:
- He doesn't remember his parents have died (between 30 and 40 years ago) - he thinks his dad was having dinner with them the other night and then went missing, he said that he needed to go out and look for him in the evening.
- He thinks that there was also a 3rd daughter at the same dinner (there are only 2 daughters)
- He has problems remembering where he lives, doesn't remember moving there or how long they've lived there
- he thought they were on holiday in the flat they own, not living there
- he didn't remember his wedding anniversary
- the other morning told me that the previous day they had gone to stay somewhere (he couldn't remember where) and then had to get up at 4.00am to pack and come home again. I don't think they actually went anywhere
- he is very stubborn. He does seem to know his memory is bad, but when I tell him his parents have died/no 3rd daughter etc he won't believe me.
- cant remember his PIN number for card - keeps getting numbers muddled up - problem when trying to get money out/paying for shopping
I am not sure what to do next. I could try and arrange some help for them a few hours a day but they have financial assets so would have to pay for it themselves, which I am not sure dad would agree to (either having the help, or having to pay for it). The other option is going into a home - which they would also have to pay for, with the same problem as above.
Not really sure of the next step .... can anyone help please?
Thank you.
The situation is:
My mum had a brain haemorrhage 7 years ago which left her with no short term memory and she needs 24 hour supervision, which is provided by my dad. She is mobile but needs prompting with everything. However, at the beginning of August my dad had a mini stroke. They both came to recuperate with us for 3 weeks after he left hospital (I had to go down to stay with mum while he was in to look after her - we are 5 hours away). They went home at the beginning of September and Dad seemed okay, he wasn't affected physically by the stroke, just mentally. He was a bit confused about dates etc but apart from that he seemed fine.
A few weeks on and he is getting much worse in his memory and behaviour. Before the stroke his memory was going a bit but now it seems absolutely awful. They live in a retirement flat and the managers are really good and let me know if there are any problems but I am worried about them - I think due to dad's problems that their standard of personal care is probably slipping. My mum is not quite incontinent but needs to go "right away" and whereas dad used to make sure she went to the toilet before they went out, I think he isn't doing that now which leds to obvious problems when they are out.
Some of his behaviour has been:
- He doesn't remember his parents have died (between 30 and 40 years ago) - he thinks his dad was having dinner with them the other night and then went missing, he said that he needed to go out and look for him in the evening.
- He thinks that there was also a 3rd daughter at the same dinner (there are only 2 daughters)
- He has problems remembering where he lives, doesn't remember moving there or how long they've lived there
- he thought they were on holiday in the flat they own, not living there
- he didn't remember his wedding anniversary
- the other morning told me that the previous day they had gone to stay somewhere (he couldn't remember where) and then had to get up at 4.00am to pack and come home again. I don't think they actually went anywhere
- he is very stubborn. He does seem to know his memory is bad, but when I tell him his parents have died/no 3rd daughter etc he won't believe me.
- cant remember his PIN number for card - keeps getting numbers muddled up - problem when trying to get money out/paying for shopping
I am not sure what to do next. I could try and arrange some help for them a few hours a day but they have financial assets so would have to pay for it themselves, which I am not sure dad would agree to (either having the help, or having to pay for it). The other option is going into a home - which they would also have to pay for, with the same problem as above.
Not really sure of the next step .... can anyone help please?
Thank you.