I have searched many threads & cannot see anyone dealing with nasty aggressive, accusing comments & behaviour from a sufferer. I'm sure there must be, I just havent found it. My dad was only diagnosed April 2010 with the vascular type & has rapidly declined. My mother is caring for him & I worry so much about her. Even a person from social services was shocked by his behaviour. I have to say this was not encouraging that they dont have any idea how to deal with this, you look to them for help. My mum has said she is fine, just wishes that side of his behaviour was not there or understood why & what fuels it.
aggressive nasty verbal behaviour
- Thread starter mollypolly
- Start date
Hi mollypolly and welcome to Talking Point (TP)
Whilst I haven't experienced this myself as a result of dementia, I have read many posts of this ilk and I hope the members who have to endure this kind of behaviour will be along soon to help you.
Whilst not an advocate of over-medicating, I have to condone use of certain drugs to help in situations like these. Your dad's consultant needs to be made aware of this deterioration.
Good luck xx
Whilst I haven't experienced this myself as a result of dementia, I have read many posts of this ilk and I hope the members who have to endure this kind of behaviour will be along soon to help you.
Whilst not an advocate of over-medicating, I have to condone use of certain drugs to help in situations like these. Your dad's consultant needs to be made aware of this deterioration.
Good luck xx
It's the disease fueling the behaviour. My mother was very aggressive both verbally and physically during several phases of her disease (Alzheimer's). In her case, we had to resort to antipsychotics to try and calm her. We would have months of calmness then, as her disease progressed, flare-ups of violence and aggression, so we would have to try something else.
If your father is only verbally aggressive, I would try to keep things as they are. Is he on any dementia drugs at all? Sometimes they do prescribe dementia drugs for vascular dementia.
If it is determined than antipsychotics are the best route, just make sure you monitor them carefully. My mother has been on various antipsychotics for years and we have been lucky in that she hasn't had any side effects. However, I know some people have severe side effects. It's important to weigh all the advantages against disadvantages - it may be necessary to give your mother some sort of relief.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
If your father is only verbally aggressive, I would try to keep things as they are. Is he on any dementia drugs at all? Sometimes they do prescribe dementia drugs for vascular dementia.
If it is determined than antipsychotics are the best route, just make sure you monitor them carefully. My mother has been on various antipsychotics for years and we have been lucky in that she hasn't had any side effects. However, I know some people have severe side effects. It's important to weigh all the advantages against disadvantages - it may be necessary to give your mother some sort of relief.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
Hi Molly Polly
I know exactly what you are going through. My FIL has been verbally and psychically agressive for 2 years he has said some horribe things to his Son. He is 92 and was until August still living at home along with only us as carers. We have been unable to get him assessed as although he was doing a lot of dementia stuff he still retained a fair bit of memory and would not go to his doctor or to a memory clinc that the doctor on our insistence arranged for him. He suddenly began to get bad hallucinations of a threatening kind and called the police out one day who called an ambulance. Luckily for us he presented his behaviour and violence to the hospital staff and doctors. To summarise after 7 weeks they eventually diagnosed Lewy Body Dementia. I should add that from reading symptoms etc on this wonderful site I had diagnosed him with this some six weeks earlier.
My FIL has now been prescribed Quetapine which has we thought calmed him down as for 3 weeks he has been relatively calm. No so tonight he kicked of in the Care Home threatening the other residents with his walking stick. My husband is once again on the hate list so we will have to see what tomorrow brings.
I feel for your mum as I know what she must be going through. We were told by Social Service that they would be unable to place him thankfully at the moment we have but if his behaviour continues I fear that will not be the case.
You are not alone.
I know exactly what you are going through. My FIL has been verbally and psychically agressive for 2 years he has said some horribe things to his Son. He is 92 and was until August still living at home along with only us as carers. We have been unable to get him assessed as although he was doing a lot of dementia stuff he still retained a fair bit of memory and would not go to his doctor or to a memory clinc that the doctor on our insistence arranged for him. He suddenly began to get bad hallucinations of a threatening kind and called the police out one day who called an ambulance. Luckily for us he presented his behaviour and violence to the hospital staff and doctors. To summarise after 7 weeks they eventually diagnosed Lewy Body Dementia. I should add that from reading symptoms etc on this wonderful site I had diagnosed him with this some six weeks earlier.
My FIL has now been prescribed Quetapine which has we thought calmed him down as for 3 weeks he has been relatively calm. No so tonight he kicked of in the Care Home threatening the other residents with his walking stick. My husband is once again on the hate list so we will have to see what tomorrow brings.
I feel for your mum as I know what she must be going through. We were told by Social Service that they would be unable to place him thankfully at the moment we have but if his behaviour continues I fear that will not be the case.
You are not alone.
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Hi Molly Polly,
Welcome to Talking Point (TP) from me also.
For some people with dementia, this can be a very difficult aspect of their disease. For many people this can just be a phase, but it's incredibly stressful while it's happening.
The Alzheimer's Society has a factsheet on it (which shows that it's not unusual):
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/509
Take care,
Welcome to Talking Point (TP) from me also.
For some people with dementia, this can be a very difficult aspect of their disease. For many people this can just be a phase, but it's incredibly stressful while it's happening.
The Alzheimer's Society has a factsheet on it (which shows that it's not unusual):
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/509
Take care,
Dear Molly Polly,
Your problem is very common here on TP. I found it very hard to explain what I felt about my uncle's aggression towards his family, thankfully it has helped to reinforce our bonds but could easily have torn us apart. Horrible beyond belief.
I do empathise with what you must be going through. I hope you are able to give your mum the support she needs but the advice you have already been given tonight is very good and I can't offer anything else i am afraid.
Best wishes.
Your problem is very common here on TP. I found it very hard to explain what I felt about my uncle's aggression towards his family, thankfully it has helped to reinforce our bonds but could easily have torn us apart. Horrible beyond belief.
I do empathise with what you must be going through. I hope you are able to give your mum the support she needs but the advice you have already been given tonight is very good and I can't offer anything else i am afraid.
Best wishes.
Hi Mollypolly,
Although your dad is being cared for at home, it would be worthwhile insisting that the Community Mental Health Team become involved in his case, if they aren't already. As part of the team, there will be a mental health nurse who can visit your mum and dad and support his care, and the psychiatrist will be able to assess any medication that your dad needs.
My mum has VD (for around 18 months now), and she too declined rapidly from its first obvious onset. She had a flare up of particularly aggressive and destructive behaviour last week and trashed her nursing home, amongst other things. Unfortunately, following more mayhem in A&E (where I took her to get her checked out), she was sectioned and admitted to the psychiatric hospital. It's not as bad as it all sounds - everything was kicked off by an underlying urinary tract infection. This is now being effectively treated with antibiotics and she will be back to her nursing home in a week or so. It's always worth checking for a UTI as it can cause dramatic flare ups of aggressive behaviour but is relatively easy to treat.
Good luck,
vivien
Although your dad is being cared for at home, it would be worthwhile insisting that the Community Mental Health Team become involved in his case, if they aren't already. As part of the team, there will be a mental health nurse who can visit your mum and dad and support his care, and the psychiatrist will be able to assess any medication that your dad needs.
My mum has VD (for around 18 months now), and she too declined rapidly from its first obvious onset. She had a flare up of particularly aggressive and destructive behaviour last week and trashed her nursing home, amongst other things. Unfortunately, following more mayhem in A&E (where I took her to get her checked out), she was sectioned and admitted to the psychiatric hospital. It's not as bad as it all sounds - everything was kicked off by an underlying urinary tract infection. This is now being effectively treated with antibiotics and she will be back to her nursing home in a week or so. It's always worth checking for a UTI as it can cause dramatic flare ups of aggressive behaviour but is relatively easy to treat.
Good luck,
vivien
Hi Mollypolly
Sorry to hear about the behaviour you are experiencing. Maybe you have already checked but sometimes there can be medical reasons as well for behaviour. Could your dad have a UTI or be feeling sore or unwell?
Possibly it is part of the progression of the dementia but sometimes it is worth just checking as it can be difficult to tell if someone is feeling ill.
Take care
EmJ
Sorry to hear about the behaviour you are experiencing. Maybe you have already checked but sometimes there can be medical reasons as well for behaviour. Could your dad have a UTI or be feeling sore or unwell?
Possibly it is part of the progression of the dementia but sometimes it is worth just checking as it can be difficult to tell if someone is feeling ill.
Take care
EmJ
Hello, Mollypolly, and welcome to TP from me as well.
My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in February 2009 and he too can be aggressive, quarrelsome, just plain nasty and has been known to swipe out at me and also put up his fists and invite me to "Come and get it".
It is, of course, very distressing for your mum (and for me, but I am perhaps now more used to it than your mum), and the only good thing I can say about it is that within minutes Brian has forgotten all that was said. If I am upset by it and remain a bit tearful, he often asks for the reason. When I tell him he apologises profusely and cannot understand why/believe he could have behaved so badly. There are quite a few of us who live with this.
I would suggest your mum asks the GP to arrange contact with the CPN (community psychiatric nurse) who will give her lots of support. If your mum feels she needs a break now and then, the Social Worker will arrange for your dad to go into a local care home for a week. And if she chooses to, this can become "rolling respite" in that she could have a week "off" every two months. (That is how it works down here in Dorset, anyway.) Do not let her run herself into the ground in her caring role. It is very difficult to ask for help/respite/support the first time round.
Love, Nan XXX
My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in February 2009 and he too can be aggressive, quarrelsome, just plain nasty and has been known to swipe out at me and also put up his fists and invite me to "Come and get it".
It is, of course, very distressing for your mum (and for me, but I am perhaps now more used to it than your mum), and the only good thing I can say about it is that within minutes Brian has forgotten all that was said. If I am upset by it and remain a bit tearful, he often asks for the reason. When I tell him he apologises profusely and cannot understand why/believe he could have behaved so badly. There are quite a few of us who live with this.
I would suggest your mum asks the GP to arrange contact with the CPN (community psychiatric nurse) who will give her lots of support. If your mum feels she needs a break now and then, the Social Worker will arrange for your dad to go into a local care home for a week. And if she chooses to, this can become "rolling respite" in that she could have a week "off" every two months. (That is how it works down here in Dorset, anyway.) Do not let her run herself into the ground in her caring role. It is very difficult to ask for help/respite/support the first time round.
Love, Nan XXX
Mum has VaD and has been in hospital recently where she was taken off some of her meds.
I have asked for a medication review as I believe that the withdrawal of one tablet is causing anxiety and aggression, including towards the carers who come.
I have asked for a medication review as I believe that the withdrawal of one tablet is causing anxiety and aggression, including towards the carers who come.
Hi mollypolly
My Mum has Alzheimers Dementia and until recently was very accusing and aggressive.
I was lucky in that she didn't live with me and therefore I could visit and come away again, but I have no idea how anyone copes in a husband/wife situation where it is 24/7, I had a hard enough time coping with it as it was.
With my Mum it appeared to be a phase and culminated in her being sectioned in July which was followed by a Care Home.
From the day she was admitted into the hospital she became a different person even though they gave her no extra medication!
I can only guess that three good meals a day and a proper sleep pattern made all the difference, along with not having to battle the daily stresses and strains of life. My Mum was unable to cope with running her own life but would not allow anyone else to help (she always was a very independant person).
She was obviously constantly frustrated and angry at not being able to make sense of things and as she didn't remember moving things accused everyone (usually me!) of hiding / stealing things from her.
Now that my Mum is in a home, she no longer has to worry about things to have to do and where things are.
She appears to be much more relaxed although I guess a certain amount of that is also down to the progression of the illness.
I have read on here so many times that a Care Home is not always a bad thing and allows the loved ones quality time together rather than the daily struggle of life together and that certainly seems to have been true in my Mums case.
Your Mum needs all the support and help she can get and as someone else has said the Community Mental Health Team are usually best as they understand the illness and are best placed to support your Mum through any situation that occurs.
XXX
My Mum has Alzheimers Dementia and until recently was very accusing and aggressive.
I was lucky in that she didn't live with me and therefore I could visit and come away again, but I have no idea how anyone copes in a husband/wife situation where it is 24/7, I had a hard enough time coping with it as it was.
With my Mum it appeared to be a phase and culminated in her being sectioned in July which was followed by a Care Home.
From the day she was admitted into the hospital she became a different person even though they gave her no extra medication!
I can only guess that three good meals a day and a proper sleep pattern made all the difference, along with not having to battle the daily stresses and strains of life. My Mum was unable to cope with running her own life but would not allow anyone else to help (she always was a very independant person).
She was obviously constantly frustrated and angry at not being able to make sense of things and as she didn't remember moving things accused everyone (usually me!) of hiding / stealing things from her.
Now that my Mum is in a home, she no longer has to worry about things to have to do and where things are.
She appears to be much more relaxed although I guess a certain amount of that is also down to the progression of the illness.
I have read on here so many times that a Care Home is not always a bad thing and allows the loved ones quality time together rather than the daily struggle of life together and that certainly seems to have been true in my Mums case.
Your Mum needs all the support and help she can get and as someone else has said the Community Mental Health Team are usually best as they understand the illness and are best placed to support your Mum through any situation that occurs.
XXX
My Mum has exhibits quarrelsome and accusing behaviours quite regularly and it is very difficult to deal with., as a result none of her grandchildren can relate to her. She can also be quite nasty when she talks about other people - people who have done nothing to warrant it but whom she just takes a dislike to..
This aggresive behaviour is something that worries me, because I have been there on a few occassions, I don't know what the trigger is, but I find that once I have started I can not stop it.
I feel very sad because it is other people who bare the brunt of this behaviour and not those like me who have the illness.
I have found some calming music which is on my MP3 player, and when I get into situations like this, I try to go the bedroom and listen to the music. It usually works and calms me down.
I am not sure it will work for others but it is worth a try.
I feel very sad because it is other people who bare the brunt of this behaviour and not those like me who have the illness.
I have found some calming music which is on my MP3 player, and when I get into situations like this, I try to go the bedroom and listen to the music. It usually works and calms me down.
I am not sure it will work for others but it is worth a try.
Molly polly have dealt with this stage for a couple of years and can only describe it as horrendous, to see my once kind caring loving husband turn in to this violent, aggressive person , now i do not know how i survived that time, but I am posting to reassure you that that stage usually does pass and that there is hope for a more peaceful existance, My Trev is very docile these days, to be honest dont know which is worse sometimes and would love to see a spark of life, life must become so terrifing for AD sufferes that they respond in this way , totally not previous nature, but dont put yourself at risk, have a safe room with a lock and use it if needed. if Ican help in any way just ask. love Pam
Hi Molly Polly, i can quite sympathise with you. My husband bryan does get verbally aggressive also clinches his fist in rage at times.That is when i back off and have told my support worker to do the same as he might hit out. I hope it never happens but you never know do you. It is such a horrible thing to happen to anyone. A living HELL . Take care, we are all thinking of you Muriel
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