Hello, I'm Claudia

TrustmeMum

Registered User
Aug 19, 2010
12
0
Poole, Dorset
In times of desperation over a period of time I've googled for advice on how to care for my mother. I've picked up a few caring strategies from this site, felt less lonely when I've seen others experiencing the problems I have, liked reading your support for each other - and finally plucked the courage to join.

The problem is that Mum has vascular dementia and not Alzheimers (though she's never had a scan to prove it). I hope that doesn't mean I'll be blackballed!

Mum's 86 (going on 3 at times) and has lived with us (my husband and me) for the past 16 years, had a series of strokes 12 years ago and started behaving noticeably oddly about 6 years ago, just after my only sister died. I played the Ostrich for a long time, but finally asked our GP for help and she was officially diagnosed with dementia in February.

Friends and family know and understand the situation, but I'd dearly love not to burden them with what's happening, and to have somewhere to explode if I need to (with people who'd know that it's a passing feeling) and to laugh at things that others may find inappopriate - e.g. Mum's most recent addiction to having rides in police cars!

My husband has been physically disabled for years (I married him for his body but broke it) and we have a gorgeous little Jack Russell (Rosie) who, unfortunately, is very affected by Mum's moods. I work 4 days a week (Wednesdays and week-ends off) and desperately want to continue working.
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,584
0
Telford
Hi Claudia, and welcome to Talking Point (TP)

If you need a place to explode, or laugh, then you've found it! It's a great place for offloading, we've all been through the dementia mill one way or another and it's been my lifeline since I joined.

If you have any questions there is usually someone around who will have an answer, or if you just need a rant or a virtual hug, there will be lots of support xx
 

danny

Registered User
Sep 9, 2009
3,342
0
cornwall/real name is Angela
Just saying hi Claudia. Glad you have decided to join in:)

You will be made to feel most welcome and any questions you may have along the way there is usually someone here to help.

Sorry you have had to find this forum but at least you now have somewhere to come for support/help when you need it.

Best wishes, Angela.
 

Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,979
0
64
Brisbane Australia
Hi Claudia
Talking Point will be your saviour :D. There is always someone to listen or offer sound advice.
Welcome!!!
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello Claudia:
Hello and welcome to TP.

You seem to have a full load of caring at present. Your work must be very important to you and a form of release.

I hope you are getting support from either SS or a Mental Health Team. Have you thought of contacting the local Alzheimer's Society - they could be a source of local information to help you through this. Details for your area below:

Alzheimer's Society
The Lodge
Alderney Hospital
Ringwood Road
Poole
BH12 4NB
Tel: 01202-716393
Email: alzheimerspoole@btconnect.com
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Hello Claudia

There are many dementias and Talking Point is here for them all, not just Alzheimers.

You certainly have a lot on, a disabled husband, a mum with dementia, a job and a sensitive dog . I do hope you will be glad you found Talking Point for it really is the place to come for the support you need.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
Hi Claudia and welcome. My mum is almost 93 and lives with us. She has vascular dementia. My husband has alzheimers. This site will provide you with tons of support and some fun when you need it. Take care.
 

Willowgill

Registered User
Mar 29, 2008
91
0
South Yorkshire
Hello Claudia - welcome to TP - no one is blackballed on here! I don't post very often but know a lot about odd behaviour - both my parents have dementia and over the years we have had some hilarious moments as well as some very sad times as I'm sure everyone else on here has too so you are in good company. It sounds as though you have been through more than your fair share of tragedy and stress coping with the loss of your sister and caring for your husband as well as having your mum live with you so I hope you continue to visit and post on here.

Gill
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
0
The Sweet North
Hello, Claudia,
Welcome from me too.
I know what you mean about wanting to unburden 'passing feelings' -- I think only fellow-carers can understand that.
My Mum had vascular dementia and now my Dad has it. My husband has Alzheimers -- there are similarities and differences, but all are discussed and helped on here.
Hope to hear from you as and when,
sleepless.
 

Souffle

Registered User
Feb 12, 2009
80
0
Bournemouth, Dorset
Hi Claudia and welcome.

I can identify with your desire to carry on working, I work full time at the moment although that is a struggle, I have every Tuesday and Sunday off but work the rest of the week. Mum has AZ and lives next door, and my husband helps me with caring we also have morning carers and Day Centre four days a week. I find work my lifeline - everything is normal there and you know what will happen at each hour of the day, unlike caring when you never know what will happen next! I have approached my manager though about reducing my hours as I can't see it working much longer and she has a proposal for me to tell me about next week.

It must be extra hard for you as you have Mum living with you and your husband has a disability as well. We also have two little dogs, they are Patterdale Terriers quite similar to Jack Russells, one of them is as brave as a lion (the little girl called Lucy) but Jack the boy is a very nervous dog very sensitive to moods etc. If I get upset (which I often do) he will either go and hide under the settee or come up to me with a very worried look on his face! I love them very much they are my babies.
My other baby is my son, nearly 18!

I don't post that often due to being so busy but I find the site very helpful particularly if you have a question that you won't get the answer to anywhere else! Everyone if very helpful, kind and considerate, you won't regret joining.
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
Hi Claudia

Welcome to TP!

I have to say I think my kids have the same problem as your Rosie! Come to think if it I think I do too?!

I do sympathise as I also work full time and with the other demands on me could do with chopping myself in three sometimes.

You will find loads of support on here, I know I have xx
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,852
0
Hello Claudia, welcome to Talking Point from me too. It sounds like you have a very busy life. You will find lots of help and support on here.

Turbo
 

sussexsue

Registered User
Jun 10, 2009
1,527
0
West Sussex
Hi Claudia

and welcome. Personally I find exploding about the little things on here keeps me sane and able to deal with the bigger issues. I strangely find other peoples' "explosions" help as well as I can often either relate to them, or think that goodness things arent as bad here.

sue
 

Dogdaft3

Registered User
Apr 18, 2010
47
0
Hi Claudia,

Welcome to TP, my mum has vascular dementia too and after caring for her at home for 6 years she has gone into a care home a year ago. I too took a long time to join in on TP and wish I'd discovered it sooner, but have found it very supportive and valuable in helping me cope. You sound as though you have a lot on your plate at the moment, use all the support you can get!!

Dogdaft.
 

TrustmeMum

Registered User
Aug 19, 2010
12
0
Poole, Dorset
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome. I hope I didn't make my life sound sadder than it is, I was just trying to supply an honest background and mentioned my sister for the effect it had on Mum rather than on me (though I miss her like mad!)

One thing I've learned from reading through the posts on here is that it's not what happens, it's how you react to it that counts. It seems that no matter how many times I repeat the mantra "it's the illness, not Mum" I still feel hurt and indignant at some of the accusations. I've always been very (too?) laid back, so goodness knows how quick tempered people cope.

The days of hearing people I love consigned over and over again to the Hell my mother believes in and not arguing (e.g. 30 years after his death my father came back to tell Mum that if she has any more children she's not to name them after him. If I tell her it was a nightmare - my description of her hallucinations - then I'm calling her a liar) can be followed by a wonderful sweet day when we can laugh together again.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Hello Claudia,

a warm welcome to Talking Point from me too. I am sure you will find this place to be supportive, informative and friendly.

Love