i cant do this anymore

[donkey]

im so depressed at the moment i feel like i want to run away and cant stop crying. my children are suffering the loss of there dad and he hasnt gone anywhere , they shut themselves away in there rooms so they dont have to talk to dave . it is so painful to watch him struggle getting any words out. hes become confused, he struggles to say anything and struggles to walk any distance,he walks into things spills his food down himself. the detereation is so obvious. how can i cope with it. this morning i went to say goodbye and it took 5 times before it registered .how can i get threw this and get my children threw this we are all stressed and distressed. sorry im feeling sorry for myself but i no ican come here and bare my soul

 

[Goingitalone]

Oh you poor thing!

I do feel for you. Are you getting any help with Dave from Social Services? Could your gp help you with counselling for the kids?

I wonder if you have access to the 'Caring with Confidence' free courses (you can do them online if you can't leave Dave for too long)? I did one in South Birmingham recently and they are wonderful.

I learned of so much that is out there for carers and it was a starting point to getting help from Social Services for me.

I hope things improve soon and I know there will be someone along in a minute who can help.

Hugs,

Maggie
(not a million miles away)

 

[Skye]

Hi Lyn

I remember many moons ago posting a thread with the identical title!

Though I have to say it's much worse for you, I didn't have children to worry about.

Lyn, you have to get help. Ring SS first thing in the morning and say you're at breaking point and need someone to come and talk to you. If you don't get anywhere with that, ring your local AS, and/or Princess Royal Trust amd tell them the same.

Talk to as many people as you can, soy you can't go on, you're at breaking point and your children are suffering.

Please do it. No-one should have to get to that stage.

In the meantime, I'm sending you love and a huge hug.

XXX

 

[kittypurry]

Do you have a local mental health team as well- we have the number of a district psychiatric nurse from them who are under the umbrella of SS for just this type of thing.

Sorry I can't offer any more advice--just thoughts to you and your darlingsxx

 

[elaine n]

Oh Lin, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. Watching this awful disease progress is heart breaking isn't it? I don't have children at home to worry about and I'm sure that doubles your stress - worrying about your chidren as well as dave must be awful. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't I'm afraid, I really hope you feel stronger soon. with love xxxxxxxxxxxelaine

 

[danny]

Lyn,from when I first joined TP last sept til now I have seen you posting less and less and can really sense the huge pressure you are facing and the pain you must be going through.

I can`t offer you any words of wisdom Lyn.I hope you can get some practical and emotional support for all of your family.

Your whole world is being turned upside down, I wish I could make it all go away and life be like it was before but I can`t.

I just pray that you all find the strengh to carry on.

 

[CaPattinson]

Dear lin

How dreadful for your family. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you. Just to let you know that I am here for you. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and willing you to get through this. can't add anything else to whats been said.

Hope things improve for you. You must try be strong for all your sakes, especially your children.

Thinking of you and your family Lin, take care XXXXXX sending you a

 

[Sam Iam]

Lyn, I feel so sorry for you and your family.

Hazel advised SS please call in the morning.

Hugs xxxx

 

[sallyc]

Hi Lin. I'm so sorry you're struggling. It must be really tough, with the children. Please, please seek out some help tomorrow. Sending you a big hug.

 

[donkey]

you are all so nice and are suffering too. dave has his monthly visit to consaltant on friday at the working age dementia unit in birmingham. working alongside him are two lovely pycologists who visited last week, they came to see me and were very good. also working with the unit are two carers that are going to come 1 day aweek for a few hours one on one week the other the following week. so thats a start. if i phone ss what do i ask for and what should i say. the unit is also contacting our speach therapist and helen33 s speach therapist that she had for allan, so they can all work together. i feel guilty that i work and i wouldnt if i didnt think dave was at any risk. he honestly seems better when im not here as he isnt under any pressure to talk or do anything. when im here i cant bear to see him suffering and hes said more than once my life isnt worth living his i mean, i dont no how he keeps going as he is still very aware of what is happening. he wont write very often as he struggles with that too so comunication is the main problem its got to the stage where we all avoid any conversation with dave how alfull is that its just too stressfull for him and us x

 

[Skye]

Lyn, it's true that it's hard, but please try to keep talking to Dave. Otherwise he'll feel more and more excluded, and may become challenging.

Don't give up your job unless you absolutely have to, you need it, and will need it in the future as things deteriorate.

Tell SS that you are at the end of your tether and can't cope any more. Cry too. Say unless you get more help you won't be able to carry on. Don't whatever you do put on a brave face, or you'll be left to get on with it. Let them see just how worn down you are.

No lies, it's absolutely true, but we do all try to make people think we;re coping, and it's the wrong thing to do.

Love and hugs,

 

[jenniferpa]

I agree with Hazel - you can be too strong when dealing with social services (or other professionals). You need to lay it on the line just how this is affecting not only you, but your children. As adults we may just about manage, and I'm not saying that childhood has to be a bed of roses, but your children are entitled to their childhood as well.

 

[Izzy]

I can only agree with Hazel and the others. Take care. X

 

[turbo]

Hello Lyn, just sending my support to you. This must be so difficult for you and your family. Please, as has been said, get more help.

Turbo

 

[donkey]

i promise i will phone tomorrow hazel and jennifer.if dave hadnt got dementia and no speach it would be easy as he would be getting on with things but the dementia has kicked in now and all he does is walk in and out of rooms sit watching the tele and stands looking down the garden. dave has never had any real friends and never had any hobbies and i hate to say it but hes always been pretty boring . it makes it very difficult to no what to talk about and what to do with him, i cant take him anywear as he is always in the loo[ prostate problems] on friday before we go to the dementia clinic he will spend most of the time in loo and when we get there its straight to the loo. so unless we are going to someones house we cant go anywhere. i will let you no tomorrow how i get on with ss, thanks for all your help xxx

 

[larivy]

hi Lyn i think everyone has given you great advice so im just sending you a big hug love larivy

 

[bigtom]

Hi Lyn, please take hazels advice you do need some help with dave you also have to thing about your children, if you are ill with all of this, sending love and a(((HUG))) and hope things are better tomorrow tom

 

[donkey]

thankyou larivy and tom hope tomorrow brings better things for us all nite nite xx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Lyn,

One of the ways I got through it Lyn was by using the support that Talking Point was able to offer me. I know access to the computer has been difficult for you and you have time restrictions because of work.

Hopefully, once the Speech and Language Therapists have got together you and the children will be able to learn how to best communicate with Dave. At the end of the day with Alan it wasn't about him understanding or being understood but more about finding ways of enabling him to feel good about himself. I do hope that you get some help Lyn. I couldn't have managed without help.

Love

 

[thatwoman]

Hi Lyn,
I'm so sorry you're obviously at the end of your tether. How old are your children? I was just wondering if you have a Young Carers group near you. I work in a school, and some of my kids are in our local group. It gives them the chance to meet up with others in the same situation, and they can say the things they are feeling that they may not want to share with other friends. Our group have transport so the kids can be picked up from home, and returned later in the evening. They get to go out and do things that their families can't do anymore because of illness. There is counselling available, and a worker who can come into school and help the young person explain what help they may need to cope with school work. One of my students was looking after an alcoholic mother, and desperately needed somewhere to do homework and keep her books in school because her mum would rip things up when she was drunk. I'm not sure if it's a service that operates everywhere, or if your kids are of an age where they'd welcome it, but I hope it might be of help to you.
I hope you get the help you need soon.
Love and hugs,
Sue xxx