My husband is only 51 and has had alzhiemers for a least a couple of years. I have to work full time and things have been 'OK' but now when I get to work I get a phone call where he is crying as he cannot face the day on his own at home. He doesn't go out as he has no confidence and struggles with short term memory but is fully aware of what is happening to him and what is going to happen. It is heartbreaking. He is on Aricept and Trazodone but I don't know where to go for help. He is so loney. We don't have any children and his sister calls in occasionally. All our friends have busy lives and don't call in very often. Does anyone know of anywhere just offer companionship during the day when I am at work?
Advice for day time care
- Thread starter Vivienne3
- Start date
Hi Vivienne. I am so sorry for your situation. How terribly sad. My husband is much older than yours but I do work full time. We have someone from a befrienders service who comes in for one afternoon a week to keep him company. This was organised through Alzheimers Scotland and I think it is Crossroads but can't be 100% sure. Alz Sot also organises a mens' group for people who have early to moderate dementia. The go out once a week - one week for a meeting, one week for 10 pin bowling, one week for a mini bus trip and one week to an allotment. Have you contacted your local Alzheimer's Society to see if they have anything which might help? It must be heartbreaking for you. Good luck. Izzy x
Hi Vivienne. Sorry to hear of your husband's and your plight.
I don't know if it helps as it probably depends upon your local authority and their coffers, but my wife and I were in a similar situation two years ago. My wife, who is now 56, was struggling on her own while I worked during the day, although I did manage the occasional work-from-home day.
Eventually, with the help of the cpn and social worker, we managed to get direct payments giving us 30 hours of support a week. This means that she has a personal assistant for most of the time that I am away from home. They (I employ three currently sharing the hours) take her out, help with toileting now that it is becoming a problem, feed her and generally keep her entertained. This was all achieved because they are keen to keep me working rather than give my job up (can't afford that anyway!). The social worker says that I have a right to work and my wife has a right to be cared for. He is also concerned that she is being discriminated against because she isn't physically disabled. He says that if she was then she'd get more help.
As my wife has only dla and incapacity benefit as income and very little savings, she isn't penalised for the payments. My income has no bearing on the direct payments.
In fact, we have just been granted an increase to 47.5 hours per week to cover all the hours that I am away from home, including travelling to and from work. All I have to do is find another carer to cover these hours.
It has made an enormous difference to both of us. Diane isn't on her own in front of the tv all day, and I'm not left 40 miles away worrying about her. She can no longer answer the phone, so even this contact wasn't available.
Using direct payments also means that Diane doesn't have different people to deal with - a big problem for her as she is very anxious around people she doesn't know. We interview the applicants for the job and choose who we want. They're employed by me and paid from the direct payments. It all works quite well at the moment.
I hope this has been of some help. Sorry to have made such a long post, I get carried away sometimes.
I don't know if it helps as it probably depends upon your local authority and their coffers, but my wife and I were in a similar situation two years ago. My wife, who is now 56, was struggling on her own while I worked during the day, although I did manage the occasional work-from-home day.
Eventually, with the help of the cpn and social worker, we managed to get direct payments giving us 30 hours of support a week. This means that she has a personal assistant for most of the time that I am away from home. They (I employ three currently sharing the hours) take her out, help with toileting now that it is becoming a problem, feed her and generally keep her entertained. This was all achieved because they are keen to keep me working rather than give my job up (can't afford that anyway!). The social worker says that I have a right to work and my wife has a right to be cared for. He is also concerned that she is being discriminated against because she isn't physically disabled. He says that if she was then she'd get more help.
As my wife has only dla and incapacity benefit as income and very little savings, she isn't penalised for the payments. My income has no bearing on the direct payments.
In fact, we have just been granted an increase to 47.5 hours per week to cover all the hours that I am away from home, including travelling to and from work. All I have to do is find another carer to cover these hours.
It has made an enormous difference to both of us. Diane isn't on her own in front of the tv all day, and I'm not left 40 miles away worrying about her. She can no longer answer the phone, so even this contact wasn't available.
Using direct payments also means that Diane doesn't have different people to deal with - a big problem for her as she is very anxious around people she doesn't know. We interview the applicants for the job and choose who we want. They're employed by me and paid from the direct payments. It all works quite well at the moment.
I hope this has been of some help. Sorry to have made such a long post, I get carried away sometimes.
Hi Steve, your post is really good to show people what help there is out there especially for people who still want to work.
Glad the system is working well for you and your wife.
Best wishes,Angela.
Glad the system is working well for you and your wife.
Best wishes,Angela.
I fear its a post code lottery ask your CPN (if you havent already) for any day centres which he could go to. In our situation we have a dementia day care centre 30 mins away the day centre bus comes to pick mum up at say 9am ish and drops her off at 4pm ish 5 days a week. There is a fee to cover transport and and her lunch but its not excessive and gets her out of the house.
I understand some local must provide free day care (except for the bus and meals) if its idntified as a need.
I understand some local must provide free day care (except for the bus and meals) if its idntified as a need.
Hi Vivienne
I have just arranged (via social services) a 3 hour per week sitting service through Age Concern for my wife who is 56. There was a waiting list but there is no charge for the service and you can get extra hours on an ad hoc basis.
all the best
Stewart
I have just arranged (via social services) a 3 hour per week sitting service through Age Concern for my wife who is 56. There was a waiting list but there is no charge for the service and you can get extra hours on an ad hoc basis.
all the best
Stewart
Translation needed!
We have read all the info and chat about help with daytime care - we are currently in USA but coming back to UK as my husband's (Don, 63) Alzheimers is worsening so its useful to hear what others have managed to work out. But we don't know what CPN stands for - is it something via your GP or .....??
Thanks for any info!!
Sally - and Don!!
We have read all the info and chat about help with daytime care - we are currently in USA but coming back to UK as my husband's (Don, 63) Alzheimers is worsening so its useful to hear what others have managed to work out. But we don't know what CPN stands for - is it something via your GP or .....??
Thanks for any info!!
Sally - and Don!!
HI i am 58 with AD and VD . i started to except i would have to be with elderly people using s serveses but by chance i found a day center who catters for all ages with this illness, yes some ars old,but a few are more my age , its privote but i get funding with it. i have tryed meney places ,but i am very happy ther, hope you are as lucky... love Miss Cool xxx
Hi Sally - and Don
CPN is Community Psychiatric Nurse and they are often based in a Memory Clinic or something similar. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Psychiatric_Nurse
CPN is Community Psychiatric Nurse and they are often based in a Memory Clinic or something similar. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Psychiatric_Nurse
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