Confused

[jsettle1806]

My Grandad has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and my mum who has pretty much looked after him all of her life, is now pretty much on the edge of a break down, as she feelsas though this is all of her responsibility and she really cant cope at all. Her brothers and sisters really don't understand the seriousness of this disease and are just taking a back seat on the matter, i wandered if anyone here could give me some advice which i could give my mum or other family members to help support them.

Thank you

J

 

[Polly H]

Hello Isettle,

I see you are up late into the night also.

I'm afraid I'm not able to give you any advice.... just the benefit of my experience which is much the same as yours (I fear).

My understanding is that people deal with shock/grief differently (that the best way I can explain it). I have, for many years tried to understand the actions of other members of my family. All I can say is that their actions (it seem to me) is to be bound up with "baggage" associated with their relationship with their relative suffering from this aweful desease and their ability to accept the reality of the situation.

Me, I like to think I want to deal with the "here and now" and help my Dad as far as I can. When he leaves this Earth, I will know I have done the best I can irrespective of what he did or did not do earlier in my life. My suggestion is that you focus on doing the best you can and disregard the rest (baggage or not!).

Hope this is helpful.

Polly H

 

[Grannie G]

Hello J

There is no advice available to help make family do their share. Either they have a conscience or they don`t.
But if your mother is finding the responsibility overwhelming she should seek help from Social Services.
She needs to ask for a Carers Assessment for herself and an assessment for your Granddad , which will lead to some professional help and support.

 

[loggerman]

Hi jsettle

I agree with what has previously been said about contacting social services. Your grandad needs a care assessment. Also your mum needs a carers assessment.

You could also contact yout local branch of the Alzheimers Society. http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200121 They should be able to tell you what other help may be available in your area. There may be a support group that your mum could go to where she could meet other carers who are in a similar situation. There may also be dementia day centres that your grandad could go to.

best wishes
loggerman

 

[sistermillicent]

I seem to be landed with taking responsibility for seeing that my parents manage with my mums dementia, my sisters tell me that I make them cry when I tell them what is happening. I felt very guilty, and even wrong about what was happening at first. I felt I had been warned off. So for a while I stopped ringing them, and then things deteriorated to a level where my sisters could not pretend it wasn't happening any more.

Now they tell me how grateful they are, that I am wondeful, all the rest of it, but sod that, I need someone giving a bit of time to my parents.

My daughter has been fantastic, I think you are great for caring about your mum, it will make a lot of difference to her. My family here have made adjustments for me, without them I would be more of a wreck than I feel now.

I found some of the best suggestions for practical help (and someone I could really talk to) came from a local branch of the Alzheimers Society.

 

[sallyc]

Hi jsettle. My grandad has Alzheimers and still lives on his own. I am one of his main carers, along with my Dad. Everyone else has told you all about the local Alzheimers Society, and social services and there's not much i can add to that. I don't know what stage your Grandad's at with this vile illness. As for families - don't get me started. Whilst i juggle 2 young children etc on top of looking after Grandad, i have a sister who left her job in March, and hasn't even told my parents, in case they ask her to help with Grandad (she's not going to be going back to work, as she has since found out she's pregnant). We all live in the same small town. My sister doesn't see Grandad unless we're all together and she can't avoid it. Sorry i can't offer more practical advice, but at least you know you're not alone. Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk more. Love Sal xx