Carol B said:
I would like some advice about when a car has been taken away from someone assessed as not being able to drive but still thinks they can drive very well. does anyone know if the person finds it easier to accept after a period of time or any suggestions as to what you can say to the person
Dear Carol
We had this problem with my father who was driving up until a couple of months ago. He's 86 now, so thankfully he realised he couldn't go on for ever.
It must be tough because I know - being a keen driver myself - that if you have petrol running through your veins (and in my case a diesel mix!) rather than blood that I think I would feel the end of the world had arrived. It symbolises a true lack of independence, doesn't it, when you are no longer able to travel at your own will, but must wait for others to take you.
My mother was a different kettle of poissons. She was 80 and perfectly epitomised the saying 'Keep death off the roads; drive on the pavement' when she got an electric wheelchair to replace her Mini. But she was physically disabled, and didn't suffer from Alzheimer's.
I think the only thing you can do is to deeply sympathize with them, and to say to them that other people have made the decision for them rather than wait until they kill someone. It's a hard decision that probably wasn't taken lightly, and ask them if that decision hadn't been made for them, how would they feel if they did cause an accident which resulted in loss of life, disfigurement, or disability for someone else....it would be very hard for most conscientious people to live with, I think.
You ask whether a person adapts after a period of time. My father took up things to keep himself busy. His AD isn't too bad at the moment, but after he increasingly couldn't remember where he'd left the car in car parks - or the car parks themselves for that matter, he went back to concentrating on the Stock Market, which keeps his interest sharp. He also does crossword puzzles and jigsaw puzzles. He reads a lot, so I made sure he has loads of short stories to read - the Reader's Digest is good for this (although once they know where you live it's like trying to escape from the Mafia with regard to junk mail!). He enjoys a good laugh as well, so we bought him a cheap and easy to operate DVD player and take some of our funnier films down for him, and DVDs of shows like Ronnie Barker's 'Clarence', 'Yes, Minister', etc.
He doesn't miss driving as much as he thought he would do, he says, and I think this is mainly because he is kept busy. It's like anything - nature abhors a vacuum, so it's a question of filling that vacuum with something enjoyable - perhaps not so much what you say, but what you do.
Hilary