Please help

[widget]

I have just got off the phone to my aunt. My uncle is now ringing me a couple of times a day since they went home last Saturday after spending a week with us. She's vfery agitated and upset and is constantly begging him to bring her back to our house as she hates her house and everything about it. She just wants to be back with us and the kids. On Monday it got so bad that my uncle called out the CPN who got the doctor to prescribe some mild sedatives to calm her down. My uncle says it works for a short while but makes her very drowsy and when it wears off she's at him with both barrels again.

My uncle sounds very worn down and is close to tears every time i talk to him and the only way he can cope is to ring me and get me to tell my aunt that she can't come back until a week on monday when they're going to be with us for another week.

Do any of you have any suggestions? I've told him to write down on a big piece of paper that 'we can't go to Bev's until Monday 17TH' but she says he's lying and wants to come sooner and gets very upset with him and won't take no for an answer.. I really don't know what to do...

 

[Amy]

Hiya Widget,
Keep on doing what you have been doing - you are giving your uncle a safe haven when he phones you, and you are reassuring your aunt of when she can visit again. It must be wearing for you, but you can only do so much. They are fortunate to have a niece who cares.
Amy

 

[Sandy]

Hi widget,

I'm sorry that your aunt and uncle are going through such a bad patch after their return home. Its good that your uncle is using the CPN's help - that, at least, is a step forward from where he was a few month's ago. I don't know what else can be done in the intervening week. Would she listen to you if you rung her up? Has she tried to ring you herself?

I guess the longer term question is how is your uncle is going to cope when they return again from their next trip? I guess you (collectively) have to try and work out what is it in the environment at your house that your aunt hankers after? It could be the closeness that she feels to you and your children. It could also an attempt to get away from the place where she feels her pronblems are.

Has she ever been obsessed with going anywhere else? Has she ever asked to go 'home' even in her own home?

I'm sure you and your family will be thinking about all of the possible options in the coming weeks (aunt and uncle moving closer, carers to help uncle at home, scheduling some respite, etc.).

In the meantime, just continue to support your aunt and uncle to get through the week.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[rummy]

Hi Sandy,
You might consider a little reverse psychology on your aunt. Remember that she is actting like a small child wanting her way, when she wants it. You can't reason with a two year old and you can't reason with AD. Just "try" and say you can come back to my house on the 17th ( or whenever) if you will behave and not give uncle a bad time about it. If your bad we will put it off another week.
I've had to do something similar with my Mom a time or two. She huffs up a bit, crosses those little arms but she does come around.
I keep reminding my Dad that it is right and proper to agree with her, not argue with her and do all the things that the alzheimers society list says to do BUT, I draw the line when her behavior becomes abusive. It truly is like a kid pushing to see if they can get their way by being obstinate!
All I know to do with AD is to try this and try that until you find what works for you.
Good luck!
Debbie

 

[widget]

Would she listen to you if you rung her up? Has she tried to ring you herself? Yes, when she can figure out how to use the phone, but most times it's my uncle who has dialled because he's getting to the end of his tether

I guess you (collectively) have to try and work out what is it in the environment at your house that your aunt hankers after? It could be the closeness that she feels to you and your children. It could also an attempt to get away from the place where she feels her pronblems are. She's always been very very close to me, and loves my 6 yr old and 4 yr old to bits, i suppose she feels like her own home is a bit of a prison nowadays even though my uncle has given up work to be with her.

Has she ever been obsessed with going anywhere else? Has she ever asked to go 'home' even in her own home? No, not to my knowledge but when she's here on a visit if we take her out for the day while the kids are at school she's constantly saying she wants to go back to the house and worries about being late for picking the kids up from school even when it's only 10am!

(aunt and uncle moving closer, This isn't really an option at the moment as my hubby is in the RAF and we could have to move again in the next couple of years. Even though we live in our own home he will be leaving the RAF in 5 years and who knows where we will have to move to at that time? If this wasn't the case I would be asking my uncle if they could move to our village. It just might be the case that in 5 years we'll be moving closer to them!!

I must admit that i find my 4 year old is much easier to handle than my aunt nowadays! But i have tried the 'look, stop moaning at uncle j or you won't be able to come back for a while.....' but that was at the end of the first phone call yesterday - by mid afternoon she'd forgotten that i'd spoken to her that morning One good thing though is that my uncle got out a huge suitcase full of old photos yesterday and she seemed to have some recollections of outings we had as kids etc whereas last week she was amazed when I told her that my brother and i had lived with her for 15 years ( 20 in my brother's case!) - that made me really sad..

I just think this is the most awful disease that affects everyone around the sufferer but the sufferer seems quite at home in their own little world. I'm on quite a downer about it today and wish the tv, radio and newspapers would stop talking about Mike Baldwin - I feel like sticking my head in the sand today....! I'm off to give our aquarium a vigorous cleaning!

 

[Amy]

Hiya Widget,
OK. Sand is good some days!
Amy