A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

I hope your day is going well, Sylvia. When do you think you might get that new computer chair? How is your back?
x

My back is fine now thanks Deborah, sadly since I stopped my physical caring of Dhiren, helping him in and out of bed, on and off the toilet. Now the bending has stopped and the pulling, tugging and lifting I have no back pain in less than a week.

I`ll wait for Paul to go for a chair. It`s not as necessary as it was.

My day has been OK thank you.
I did some errands and then went to see Julie and took some chocolate brownie cheesecake for lunch.

But I feel I should be visiting Dhiren

I`m going out for a coffee with Dhiren`s main carer tomorrow. She has suggested she visits Dhiren but we will have a coffee together first.

 

[living in hope]

Hi Sylvia,
Have just caught up with your thread and am sorry you have reached the point of Dhiran needing full time care, I think you did well to keep him at home as long as you did. I hope he settles well into the home, it is not easy but is necessary sometimes for the safety of both partners. I send my love and best wishes to you both.
Lorraine

 

[Mameeskye]

THose feelings that you should be visiting last a long time. I remember after Mum had been in care about 6 months I was on a course in P and staying in Mum's empty house, without children, who were 2.5 yrs at the time. I visited Mum the night I arrived, but after my day at the course I went back via Tesco for some food and spent an evening to myself, the first on my own in a long time, because the NH staff told me to. I felt guilty because I felt I should be with Mum, but sometimes you have to do what is right for you to, and a rest is needed until you are stronger and rested too.

Though, you'll need to do some walking with a chocolate brownie cheesecake on the go, particularly with less back breaking exercise!

Enjoy your coffee with the carer tomorrow. It is so nice that she wants to go and see Dhiren too.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[DeborahBlythe]

My day has been OK thank you.
I did some errands and then went to see Julie and took some chocolate brownie cheesecake for lunch.

Hello, Sylvia, I'm glad to hear that your back is better. Will you be doing yoga this week?
How is Julie now? I bet the chocolate bownie cheesecake went down a treat. I'm planning to make lemon fairy cakes today to impress my work colleagues with tomorrow. Well, not so much 'impress', more 'confuse'. Unlike you, I'm not known for my baking skills.

Enjoy your coffee with the carer. I'm waiting in again for another Visit From Ye Gasman.

xx

 

[janlyn]

hello sylvia just want to say i hope you are well and that im thinking of you and dhiran

 

[Grannie G]

Julie`s much better thanks Deborah, although it`s probably due to the epidural. As far as I know she still has a slipped disc.

She is also being weaned off some of her painkillers and off Diazepan so it remains to be seen. She still cannot drive.

Is there something special about tomorrow Deborah, that you want to impress your colleagues with lemon fairy cakes or are you just feeling like baking.

 

[Helen33]

Is there something special about tomorrow Deborah, that you want to impress your colleagues with lemon fairy cakes or are you just feeling like baking.

This is very nicely put Sylvia - Most tactful. Now I want to know Deborah

I am glad you are sharing some of your experience of this new phase of your lives in your thread Sylvia because what you are experiencing now could be so helpful to others. Hopefully, it will help you too to know there is a place where you can share what you are going through

I keep having Barry's "Two Perspectives" running through my head and realising more and more just how important each one of those perspectives are.

I hope today is kind to you and say a big 'hello' to L from me.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

I don`t know about `two perspectives` Helen. I think I`m leading two lives at the moment.

One life is solo , where I have relative freedom, peace and a clean and tidy house.

The other life thinks I shouldn`t be here enjoying the peace and tidiness, but at the home, giving Dhiren comfort and support.
But I don`t really want to go because I know it will involve upset.

 

[Helen33]

You will find your way Sylvia to incorporate both of you. Things very rarely start off perfectly balanced - there'll need to be a lot of toing and froing and events (good and bad) over the weeks/months in order to find some happy balance.

I hope you have a good time with L.

Love

 

[TinaT]

Helen says:

Things very rarely start off perfectly balanced - there'll need to be a lot of toing and froing and events (good and bad) over the weeks/months in order to find some happy balance.

It's two years now for me Sylvia as you know and I still feel just like you are doing right now.

xxTinaT

 

[DeborahBlythe]

The other life thinks I shouldn`t be here enjoying the peace and tidiness, but at the home, giving Dhiren comfort and support.
But I don`t really want to go because I know it will involve upset.

You can do both, Sylvia, but it will take time. I never managed the tidiness bit. I'm trying to clean up after 12 years. I could do with less peace.
I hope your morning went well. Thinking of you.
xx

 

[milly123]

hello sylvia dont feel bad about not seeing dhrien every day when harold first went in the nh they told me it was better not to visit every day but to give him time to settle in only just got the house in order as you know harold had lots of accidents as he was getting incontinent so had to have some new carpets and the others cleaned .you need a little time sylvia to wined down you dont realise how bad things had got till you start to relaxe hope you are feeling better milly

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Deborah and Milly.

I know it will take time to adjust.
I`ve had bad news from two friends today which puts mine into perspective.

I cried because I had no shoes etc.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Hello Silvia

But I don`t really want to go because I know it will involve upset. Quote: Silvia

For both of you ?
Bite the bullet, go on, you are a brave lady.
You have to go sometime XXXX

With love
Barb X

 

[Grannie G]

I`m going Barb, I`m going.

 

[milly123]

sorry to hear you have had bad news sylvia i have friends who are going through realy bad times through illness and sometimes i think im better of than them milly

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I am sorry to hear about your friends, Sylvia. I hope their luck changes very soon.
x

 

[sad nell]

Sylvia i sort of understand, i find it easier if i do not visit Trev, because i come away so distressed at leaving him there, The care is excellent, probably better than i can do, but it does not stop me feeling this way. Today i visited and do you know it was a very enjoyable few hours, the home is very sociable, we had cakes and trifle well Trev ate mine, and i found myself laughing and chatting with other residents and trev seemed pleased i was there, so totally different from last visit. sorry to talk about our situation on your thread but wanted to let you know that once Dirhen settles and you become part of the extended family that is taking care of him, which i know you will, you can have some happy times with Dirhen again, I realise respite is different, but i thought of you both today when i was there and hoped that you both can experience this type of shared caring. love to you both, hope tomorrow goes well

 

[Grannie G]

The second visit

The dor was opened to me by the deputy manager. I had spoken to her on the phone but this was our first meeting.
She was so enthusiastic when I asked her about Dhiren. He has settled completely, was eating well and sleeping well and was contented and happy.

He greeted me with much pleasure and said he couldn`t tell me how happy it made him to see me.
He didn`t mention going home for ages, and even then, readily accepted he was not well enough to come home with me, so instead I would visit him.

The sitting room was full. There was a buzz about the place.

Someone from EVIDEM , David Lowery was visiting.

http://www.evidem.org.uk/index.htm

Central & North West London NHS Foundation Trust
David Lowery (Senior Research Manager & Fellow)

Dhiren had agrred to be photographed and interviewed for David`s presentation and and once again was able to pull out all the stops. David was convinced he was middle stage dementia rather than severe stage. There was nothing I could say to convince him otherwise so I allowed it to pass.
So I passed a very pleasant couple of hours with chatty residents, staff coming in and out of the sitting room and then was invited to a meet the owner.
He is from Mauritus and had been chatting to Dhiren about India, and Indian music and films. He too was delighted how quickly Dhiren had settled.

And then it was time for lunch.
I walked with Dhiren into towards the dining room. A lady who I think has Parkinson`s was blocking our way and seemed unable to move to let us pass. With a wicked glint in his eyes, Dhiren began to imitate the tremor , so got a telling off from me. Even that was taken in good part.
In the dining room, all plates had stainless steel plate separators which were numbered with the residents` room number, to ensure everyone got the right meal. I don`t know if this is what is done in all homes but I was impressed.
Dhiren was helped to the table to a good dinner . I said I`d leave him to eat in peace, gave him a kiss and went. He was hardly aware I`d left.

I feel the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

 

[Lynne]

Dear Sylvia, it sounds like a good time was had by all today, I'm pleased to say! Everything you report sounds very efficient, but friendly.
I can feel your relief jumping off the screen, and thank goodness for it.

Love xxx