At last I'm feeling positive about my decision.

[Echo]

It's been a month now since Dad went into an EMI Residential Home. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to deal with in my life. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. When he first went in for the first few days he seemed ok, then things changed, he was constantly packing his things to go home. Even when I removed any bags etc to stop him packing, he became rather inventive and used pillow cases! He demanded to go home at each visit and got very angry. I would leave him behind and spend many hours crying over what I was putting him through. However when I rationally thought of the options, there were none. Originally when he went in I was telling him he was there to 'build him self up' after his fall from which he was hospitalised. After talking it over with the care home manager she said they have found him easier to handle if they are firm with him and suggests I now be honest and say that 'this is it Dad you are unable to go back home'. I couldn't get him to change his dirty clothes, shave or shower very often, he just wouldn't listen to me. It was so hard to see my Dad who was always so meticulous about his appearance (would never leave the house without a shirt and tie on) resemble a tramp. Now at least when I go in now he looks more like his old self in that he is clean shaven and smartly dressed. For the first time today I left feeling the right choice was made. He looked cared for. He didn't when I looked after him, if you know what I mean.

 

[connie]

For the first time today I left feeling the right choice was made. He looked cared for. He didn't when I looked after him, if you know what I mean.

So good to read your words. Now be kind to yourself. I hope that you have many, many more pleasant visits.........and you know your dad is safe and well cared for.

 

[turbo]

Hello, thank you for your positive post. My Mum went into an EMI residential home a week ago (South Wales). It is such a diificult thing to do. I'm so pleased that your Dad has started to settle.

Turbo

 

[Echo]

Thank you Connie, 'be kind to yourself', I really need to as I must admit my own health has suffered after the stress of looking after Dad for so long. I think it will be a while though before it finally sinks in that I can put myself further up the priority ladder.

Turbo, I hope your Mum settles, it must be difficult for you not living close by.

 

[Margaret W]

I am so pleased to read this. Now you know you made the right decision, hard though it was. Good on you!

Love

Margaret

 

[hazytron]

It is so good to know you are now feeling comfortable with your decision, I hope you can begin to relax and take pleasure from knowing that your Dad is in the best place.
Now it is your time.
Regards Hazel

 

[gigi]

Dear Echo,

Thankyou for your post!

You've done so well to come this far and be able to reflect on how tough it has been to arrive at this point. Accepting that a loved one needs more care than you can give is not easy.

For the first time today I left feeling the right choice was made. He looked cared for. He didn't when I looked after him, if you know what I mean.

Hopefully now you can begin to have some time to sort yourself out knowing that dad is well looked after. And enjoy some good times with dad!

Love xx

 

[Nels]

I am going to get my husband to read your post. MIL went into a home just before Christmas and we have the same problem (not every visit but often enough) and hubby is so down and upset after visiting her when she gets upset and angry and says she hates it etc. This is the second home she has been in as we tried having her at home after the first but it did not work out, the final straw was when hubby was in the toilet and she was out of the front door, apart from the constant phone calls when we were at work and he was having to sleep there every night as she was wandering. I keep reassuring him that he is doing the right thing but it is hard when other relatives have left it too him and me and us and the girls are the only visitors she has. Hopefully hubby will come to the same conclusion as you soon. Thanks again for your post.

 

[Pescita]

Thanks for updating us, Echo. It's good to hear that you are feeling positive about your decision now.

My Mum has also looks much more like my "old" mum since she has been in residential care. She has regained lost weight, has her hair done & nails manicured, & needs no encouragement at all to have baths!

 

[Echo]

Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments, this forum has been such a comfort. It has made such a difference to know I'm not the only one going through these agonising decisions. I know if it hadn't been for reading how this illness has effected other peoples lives I don't think I would ever have felt that I have made the right choice.

Nels, I hope your husband can come to terms with his feelings too. I came close on a couple of occasions to bringing Dad home. One of the things that helped me was thinking of how the consequences of Dad's actions could effect other people. 'What if he wandered out into the road and got hit by a car - the car driver/passengers could also be seriously hurt/killed too if they swerved to avoid him. The neighbours that live next door to him, and me for that matter, have a young family, what if he caused a fire in the night, etc.' I don't think I could live with myself if that happened.

 

[Nels]

Thank you Echo, will try the 'going into the road scenario' with hubby, he visited last night and she was relatively ok apart from letting rip at 2 other residents whom she has taken a dislike to (no reason apart from the fact that I think she feels they get more attention than her as they are more mobile and wander a bit). As you say it is good that this forum enables people to 'talk' to others who they would not be able to otherwise.