Any advice please?

[NI_21]

My mum and sister seem to believe my dad is alot worse than he is...they talk to him like he is "slow" (excuse the ignorance in language) but he is not at all...he takes time to get things done but he does not need to be spoken to like a 5year old

Its very upsetting and they tell me I'm in denial, but, I was up town with him and he recognised everyone (old friends chatting away about their families) he goes to the shop (across the road) alone to get the morning papers and he can do normal tasks, getting dressed, emptying the dishwasher etc...

I know the diagnosis is hard to come to terms with, but how do I convince my mum and sister they are not going the right way about his care? we should be spending time together, instead its constant "meetings" about how ill dad is...

any advice on how to handle this?

 

[Sandy]

Hi NI_21,

I know the diagnosis is hard to come to terms with, but how do I convince my mum and sister they are not going the right way about his care?

I think the short answer is that you can't 'convince' them in the sense of having discussions/debates. You can only 'show' them by the way that you choose to interact with your dad.

If I recall rightly, you're away at university in England and have just been back for the Christmas holidays?

It's not unusual for there to be differences of perception/approach between the people care for the person with dementia day in and day out and people who step into the caring role on a more episodic basis. Each view of the person has it's own strengths and weaknesses.

Hopefully you can learn from each other, or at least respect that you have different ways of caring for your dad and coping with any changes in his behaviour.

Your father is a younger person with dementia (YPWD), I think. It might be worth looking at the Alzheimer's Society's factsheet on YPWD:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/440

I see from an earlier thread that Helen and Granny G (Sylvia) picked up on your comment about you father's changes in speech. Have you looked into Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD)? Helen gave a great link, and here is the link to the Alzheimer's Society's factsheet:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/404

I mention FTD because the symptoms are not like Alzheimer's and people who aren't familiar with the changes it can bring in terms of language and personality might find it difficult to work out how much their loved one is able to do/understand.

Take care,

 

[NI_21]

Thanks so much for the advice, know what you mean with me only being home for the holidays, my sister is only back at hols aswell so I thought we would be on the same boat, but I guess ur right, everyone is different xo

 

[Lauren]

Hi

Hey
I can understand how frustrating it is when people talk like the way you describe! My Grandma and Auntie talk to my mum like she is stupid!! and speak slow and patronising!
The only way to cope is to see past it and to do every thing you can to make his life better and as 'normal' as can be! Try talking to them about the way you feel about there comments and feelings! I know its easier said than done because the only way i over come it is moan to my dad about it!
I reallt hope that things get better soon!
Regards Laurenx

 

[Trying my best]

My mum is in the advanced stages now, cannot really communicate anything at all, or understand even the most simple of sentences... but she still gets cross when people talk to her in a patronising voice - She rolls her eyes and tuts! She may not understand WHAT is being said, but I firmly believe that she still perceives HOW it is being said! Good luck.