Mum went into a Care Home today

[turbo]

Mum went into a care home today after 5 weeks on a short stay hospital ward. The Best Interests meeting and care home assessment was yesterday. I had to travel back very early this morning for a meeting I couldn't get out of. We didn't realise that Mum would go in today. I spent the weekend washing, labelling and packing at Mum's house and I am so sad that I couldn't be there for Mum today. Today has seemed endless. My sister will call me later to let me know how things have gone. All Mum wanted to do was go back to her bungalow and go back to how things were before. At the moment she is accepting that she is there for one week's convalescence but when we were visiting the ward last night my sister said she thinks Mum knows she isn't going back home.
The ward Mum was on was a nine bed ward but Mum seemed to think she was in a room on her own. I just wondered if it was unusual to have such a lack of awareness about surroundings. We are happy with the care Mum received whilst in hospital. The doctor
stopped to talk to her in the corridor last night even though he was on his way home. Apart from one nurse who was horrible and seemed to bring the mood of the whole ward down when she was on duty, we found all the nurses were really kind to Mum and had spent time getting to know her. Our only complaint was that the assessment took a long time.

Turbo

 

[Beezed]

Dear Turbo,

I am sorry to hear about your Mum. It is so hard when they go into care. All I can say from my experience is that it gets better. I seem to spend more quality time with my mother now. Hope you find the same and that your mum settles in well.

Best wishes
Jeanne

 

[TinaT]

My husband has been in a care home for two years. For two years, week by week, I've been telling him he is in convalescence and will be home soon. He accepts this and it gives him hope that he can improve and get back to 'normal'. I would want him to tell me the same if our positions were reversed.

I hope that she settles well and has the comfort of a routine to pin her day on. I find that the women seem to make friendships far more easily than male residents do.

I would keep a very close eye on her care and make sure that she is well looked after. If you have any worries talk to the manager. I know that I've been on the whole very satisfied with the level of care my husband gets, but there are always one or two 'blips' which because you visit regularly you can quickly put right.

xxTinaT

 

[NewKid]

Hi Turbo and good luck with this next stage. The emotions when someone goes into 'care' are, I think, mixed. If you can find a place that feels right most of the time, that's great and I agree it allows your relationship with your parent to improve in lots of ways - concentrate on the love! Also it is such a big part of the caring of that person to be present regularly and fighting their corner if necessary - a genuine partnership between relatives and CH that the care home should respect. Hope you all settle into this soon.

 

[wesbrencro]

Care home positive

My 94 year old single aunt went in a nursing home Monday, I visted her yesterday. Monday was very hard taking her in, but yesterday she was quite positive,says the carers could not do more for her, and she joined in some activities, not like her!
Also kisses the carers good night.
She had carers at home, but no one at night.
She asks about her home, we tell her she is in for respite to give her sisters ,aged nearly 83, a break. She does not know the day or date, so is not aware how long she has been in. One sister is quite ill, so is relieved to think of herself for a bit, go to the doctor!
The home encourages relatives to visit, my aunt is lucky she can afford to pay for a 'nice' home. Mind you, all the ones we looked at were very caring, keen to help with dementia.
Now we are not getting her meals etc ,we have more time to chat to her, and have' quality time'.
Sure it will all go well for you, thinking of you.
Brenda

 

[turbo]

Thank you Jeanne, TinaT, New Kid and Brenda for your positive replies.
So far I have only spoken to Mum on my sister's phone as I am 200miles away and returned home from seeing Mum on Tuesday. Mum is already asking when she will see me next. She is still desperate to go home.
This week we are repeating the process for my mother in law who also has dementia. She is going into a care home for four weeks assessment. My MIL is 100 miles away so not so much travelling.

Turbo

 

[Feezee]

Turbo
My father went into permanent dementia nursing care last week too. He thinks he's in a hotel or convalescing or something, and he wouldn't understand if I said where he was as he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, so I've decided not to say anything and just take it one step at a time.
The first week has been a little stressful just sorting out bits and bobs and ensuring that the things not written on the care plans are discussed, but I agree with the other posters, particularly around the ability to spend quality time with my father instead of cleaning/bill paying etc at his place. For the first time in ages I sat down with him and drank a cup of tea and chatted. Lovely - and just what he wants and needs.

There's been a weight taken off my shoulders as I wasn't able to care for him as much as he needed, and he seems to be settling in fine given his levels of confusion. I feel the home is right for him.

Good luck with the MIL. You must be expert at name tag speed sewing by now!
Feezee

 

[turbo]

Thank you Feezee, In some ways I do feel that a weight has been lifted as at least I now feel Mum and MIL are safe.
My name tags are of the iron on variety.!

Turbo