I Failed Mary

[Brymar]

Hello all,

I'm sorry to say that I failed Mary at the meeting today.

Out of the blue her son who only ever contacted his mum to scrounge money and has never paid her a penny back arrived with a daughter who "fell out" with Mary twenty years ago,plus a daughter who lives 5 minutes away and only ever scrounged off her mum turned up at the meeting and systamatically ganged up against me and the one daughter that genuinely cared for her and had Mary consigned to a residential home.

Mary has always been terrified of going to a home as it had been used as a weapon by her "loving" family in the past when she had falls. "Oh don't be stupid Mother or you'll be locked up in a home"

Mary's younger brother lives in a Sheltered Housing complex nearer to where they intend to send Mary some twenty miles away in Aylesbury. So he is going to see if I can transfer there.

They say I can visit her as much as I like and even stay overnight If I wish. But it not the same. Why can't they let us be together till the end? Its what she wanted.

She ask me to marry her when she was in hospital last year I said yes but somehow we never got around to it. I am a fool !

I'm sorry I can't go on at present. I'll fill you in on the meeting tomorrow;. WHY WHY WHY

Bryan

 

[imac.girll1]

BIGGEST HUGS EVER TO YOU BRYAN. xxxx

 

[Izzy]

Oh Bryan my heart goes out to you both. Love n hugs. Izzy xx

 

[larivy]

sending you a big hug larivy

 

[Perdita]

So sorry Bryan-( you haven't failed her though)

 

[Sam Iam]

Oh Bryan, I am so sorry, my heart is aching for you both. Hugs xxx

 

[Lynne]

You haven't failed Mary, you've been out-gunned & out-manoeuvred.

She ask me to marry her when she was in hospital last year, I said yes but somehow we never got around to it

And is it too late? (I don't know the ins & outs of mental capacity requirements) Marriages don't have to be in churches or registry offices these days, do they.

Is Mary still in the hospital; could you speak the the chaplain there?

Apart from that, lost for words (well, decent ones anyway )

 

[scarletpauline]

I dont know what to say that the others haven't said but I do want to send you a big hug and say you didn't stand a chance with that lot! Love Pauline xx

 

[wiggy]

Im sorry to read your thread. All anyone can ever do is their best and you have done that X

 

[Nan2seven]

Oh, Bryan, such a sad post. But perhaps all is not lost. Tomorrow is another day. Sending love, Nan XXX

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

I too feel so sorry for the situation you have found yourself in, but do not know what else to say. Sending you lots of warm thought and wishes for strength.

 

[beech mount]

String them up by the b***s.
John.

 

[hazytron]

Bryan, do not give up hope. Easy to say I know, tomorrow is always another day and you have not failed.
The people who are blind to your status in Marys life, they are the failures.
Take care
Hazel

 

[Brokenhearted]

Bryan

Oh Bryan, I'm sorry to hear about this. You haven't failed Mary, everyone knows that, and so will she too. You've certainly been ganged up on though. Why not marry Mary by special licence asap? Surely that will give you more say in matters.
Good Luck & God Bless,
Brokenhearted x

 

[fredsnail]

Bryan it's so obvious how much you and Mary were very special to each other. I hope that you can still get married - but if you can't you are still special to each other.

You have not failed Mary - you were ganged up on.

Hugs to you and I'm speechless at the number of times I read that x and y who've not seen someone for years is able to assist in making a decision.

fs

 

[Margaret W]

Lynne asks the right question. Is it too late? Can it be arranged if you feel you both want it? I have been to a hospital wedding, it was very nice. The registrars were brilliant, the hospital staff did everything they could in the big day room. I made and decorated a cake, people provided flowers, it was a very special ceremony.

I am sure the hospital minister will advise about mental capacity.

I hope you succeed. It would be a very fitting thing to happen.

Margaret

 

[Beezed]

Dear Bryan,

What a dreadful turn of events. Don't give up hope, please keep fighting.

Love,
Jeanne

 

[jude1950]

capacity

Hi Brian,

I am a member but its very rare I post these days. Just to put my experience in I married my darling james three years ago on the 12 th January. we decided to get married so that when the time came to make decisions about his care and he could not do so for himself, he wanted it to be me making the decisions .

We had to get agreement from the psychiatrist in charge of his case and the cpn to say that he still had competancy, also he was interviewed by the registrar at the time we arranged the wedding and also just before the ceremony.

He was judged to still have competancy so we were lucky.
If your partner was unable to make her own decision about going into care or not there may be a question of competancy and if so you may not be anable to fulfil your wish.

 

[Bookworm]

Just to put my experience in I married my darling james three years ago on the 12 th January. we decided to get married so that when the time came to make decisions about his care and he could not do so for himself, he wanted it to be me making the decisions .

We had to get agreement from the psychiatrist in charge of his case and the cpn to say that he still had competancy, also he was interviewed by the registrar at the time we arranged the wedding and also just before the ceremony.

He was judged to still have competancy so we were lucky.
If your partner was unable to make her own decision about going into care or not there may be a question of competancy and if so you may not be anable to fulfil your wish.

What a really helpful & "from the heart" post. You have very much touched my heart Judith, Sue, xx