I am at breakdown today

timthumb

Registered User
Dec 6, 2009
283
0
west sussex
hug and support

hi helen you are doing your very best which is good enough...............i know with my dad i have phoned the ambulance 4 times in the last three weeks as just couldnt cope..............im sure people on here with more experience than me will be able to help
god bless you and just keep strong
 

larivy

Registered User
Apr 19, 2009
5,225
0
70
essex
Helen so sorry to hear whats happening to you if Alans son is saying his house is not suitable why not let him stay at your house and you go and stay with your daughter or book yourself in somewhere for the night. hopefully its a one off and Allan will improve. wish i could help you some how will be thinking of you larivy
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Oh Helen:
Don't know what to say - its just one problem after another for you. I know it will be sorted one way or another but in the meantime you are suffering.

Please keep strong. I hope its a one off. Optimistically I hope your support team can advise how to deal with this for the future.

Love Jan
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,097
0
Costa Blanca Spain
I know exactly where you are tonight. Tiredness and despair go hand in hand. I call it my 'big black hole' where I have somehow got myself lost. It is not a good place to be!

You truely are a star in the way you have coped with work and with meeting Alan's needs and you do urgently need a break. Good on you phoning Alan's son. I only wish I had done this with my two boys now and again.

Keep your chin up my love. I hope that you can at least get some peace for a few hours tomorrow whilst Alan's son takes charge for a few hours at least. Hopefully he will take him for the night. Of course his place is not suitable, none of our homes are suitable, but we have to cope the best we can with the home we live in. What a pathetic excuse!!

xxTinaT
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Dear Helen,

This is a "one off".

I feel for you...I really do.

But remember that Alan has been out of his normal environment..and came home and was very poorly.

Even though physically he may be on the mend mentally it may take him longer to readjust.

Please try not to panic. Your attention was diverted from Alan when this happened. It may not happen again.

Alan is still recovering..I know you are too.

But can I be frank...the last thing Alan needs is to be shipped off to a house he doesn't know with a son who doesn't know how to look after him. Better that his son stays with you to give you support and back up in your own home..if that's possible.

Thinking of you...

Love xx
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
2,607
0
Herts
Dear Helen
I am so sorry to hear about this problem with Alan, Gigi is right it does sound very much like David - they both seem to be having the same problems recently. She is also right that if you can encourage Alan to go to the toilet regularly this could help, although in David's case I am afraid it just doesn't work as he doesn't seem to know what to do if I take him to the loo - he can only perform when he gets the urge and when that happens we have 2 mins notice:(.

There's no point in me telling you to keep calm (I'm a fine one to talk!!)- it is awful and as you say you are on 'red alert' all the time. I have the additional joy of waiting to hear the toilet flush in order that I have sufficient time to run up the stairs to ensure David has wiped his behind - that's when the fighting starts when he refuses to be helped and I refuse to let him downstairs until he is clean.

I too think it is probably taking Alan a while to adjust - look how awful David was when he returned from hospital - he was peeing everywhere, going to the toilet - doing nothing and then wetting his trousers - that hasn't happened for a while now.

I do hope you have a peaceful night and things look better in the morning.

Take care and thinking of you lots.

Love and (((hugs)))
 

heartbroken

Registered User
Feb 17, 2008
747
0
derbyshire
Ho Helen I am so sorry I haven't been in touch I have been so busy, it sounds as things are getting hard for you please as i have said and you know ask for help get on to everyone for help, it sounds as you need a break phone the home again for restbite and keep phoning until you get somewhere

hope things are more peaceful tonight
sending you lots of hugs
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
I feel calmer now and this means that I can cope with how Alan is. It is the most dreadful experience I have ever had to deal with in my life.

Gigi, you can talk to me frankly and you are right it is the last thing that Alan needs. When I'm like this, calm, it is the last thing he needs. When I am full of anxiety it is better for him to be in a strange place with someone who doesn't know how to deal with him than to be with me. That's how bad it gets.

I do not at all feel guilty but I do feel very ashamed:eek:

Love
 

donkey

Registered User
Aug 16, 2009
1,225
0
sutton coldfield
helen never ever feel ashamed you have done everything humanly possible for allan,get allans son to stay with you and go out for the day, forget about the peeing im sure this will be a tempory thing or i hope it is. go and visit a friend go out for lunch anything that will take you out and give you time to relax a little, i ment what i said that i will be coming on the train when i can get some time off work. im glad your feeling calmer now and hope it will stay that way all through the night and tomorrow sending you love and cuddles lyn xxx
 

dancer84

Registered User
Dec 24, 2009
60
0
North East Eangland
Hi Helen
I do sympathise with you. Although John is quite good at the moment toiletwise, when we were away recently visiting relatives, John did a poo twice in the shower and weeed in the wash basin as he was so disorientated. It has settled down since we came back but took 2 weeks. I hope it is the same for you.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Helen....
I do not at all feel guilty but I do feel very ashamed

I'm glad you don't feel guilty...:)

But feeling ashamed is twaddle.

Read your thread and see what you have dealt with and overcome.

None of us are super-heroes. We are flesh and blood and there is no shame in weeping or wailing and throwing our arms in the air and saying that we've had enough.

The b****r about this disease is that we never know what to expect.

We know there's a tornado brewing, but can't predict where it will touch down, how big it will be, and what the aftermath will be.

But we will survive the storm.

Love xx
 

ChristineR62

Registered User
Oct 12, 2009
1,111
0
NW England
Dear Helen - sending you a massive hug, a glass of wine and some yummy chocolates ...

I really hope you can get some help and practical support - and please don't ever be ashamed. You are doing a wonderful job taking care of Alan the way you do, but none of us is a saint or a superman/woman.

I can't change anything for you - I wish I could - but what I can do is tell you that you and Alan are in my thoughts.

Love
Christine
xxx

PS What gigi said!
 

milly123

Registered User
Mar 15, 2009
896
0
England
dear hellen sorry to hear the trouble your having with alans tiolet abbites i do understand as harold was at that stage last christmas it started oct and by new year he didnt reconise a toilet i think he christened every thing in the house of course he had his favourite places i do hope it is with being out of his own envirament and he gets back into a routine my thoughts are with you fingers x milly
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Lyn, you will be warmly welcomed:)

I thought I felt ok this morning and I quietly and sedately got on with the morning chores. I got Alan up, washed, dressed and breakfasted and he seemed quite well although terribly out of breath at the slightest movement.

I rang the sitter to cancel and the tears flowed because he was kind and knew something was wrong. He said he'd ring the care Manager because he was worried about me.

Alan's son arrived and he witnessed me in tears to the care Manager from Crossroads. She was really kind and lovely and kept emphasising how hard it is when coping alone. Alan has gone for the day with his son and I felt instant relief as soon as they went out of the door. He son won't have him overnight but I am grateful for the day.

I haven't sent an email to the Social Worker as yet because it feels so final and I just can't press the send button.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
it feels so final and I just can't press the send button

I am glad you have the day free Helen.

I cannot see that telling the SW how you feel NOW and at your worst yesterday means that anything is final. Surely she needs to know how you are at the worst moments as well as when you are calm and coping.

Whatever options you are given now, or in the future, are for you to make the decisions. At least your brainwave of Crossroads sitters at the CH during respite might materialise, especially if you emphasise your desperate need for help as it was yesterday.

I know I am nagging but we do care about you.

Love Jan
 

Sam Iam

Registered User
Sep 29, 2008
3,151
0
62
WEST OF THE MOON
oh Helen,
I am so sorry for Alan & you. I have no wise words but I am thinking of you and sending supportive hugs and hopeful that this is a one off for Alan. xxx
hugs.jpg
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Helen, I hope you can relax a bit today. Call in all the help that you can to get through the coming week.
Hugs
 

Lancashire Lass

Registered User
Nov 24, 2009
23
0
Put your feet up

Hi Helen, I'm sorry that you have reached breaking point again. Put your feet up whilst Alan is out and have some 'me' time. Sending you love and kisses.xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
Sending you love and a cup of hot chocolate!

Izzy x
 

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