How to deal with Mum

[kia]

Hi Kia,

No he did not stay overnight at the NH although he did spend a long time each evening with her, as well as calling in on his way to work for a little while, she used to create etc if he did not, but since she has been home he has been staying with her, which as you say is not doing him any good at all. He has stayed home from work today and I actually managed to get away from school by 1.30pm (only supposed to work mornings) so have tried to talk to him. Have also spoken to SW and got in touch with the Admiral Nurse for the area, she is trying to arrange to bring forward MILs appt with the Mem Clinic. Oh also found out today that the GP has taken her off his list as he was told she was in a NH out of the area, yes she was but it was an interim measure....... so now have to reregister her etc, hubby has now gone off down there to kick up a fuss, both SW and the Admiral Nurse have both said that should not have happened Nels

ohh dear never rains but it pours eh a bit eager of your gp to do that too isnt it cos sure1y she sti11 needs to gp and he shou1d have checked first with fami1y before taking her off the books so your hubbys is right to kick off but cant be good for him even more stress and on the one afternoon u get together why not gent1y suggest to him he takes the nite off from visits he deserves it and treat yourse1ves even just a nite watching the tv together wou1d be nice cos sounds 1ike your 1osking yourse1ves in caring for her and your sti11 a coup1e.I think your best bet wou1d be a home rea11y cos u both sound strained and i know with my brother and me we were too were both so much better now 1et me know how u get on xxxxxkia

 

[suszyq]

Hi,
I do feel for you. My mother has been in a CH for 4 weeks now. The kind staff, the stimulation and the social interaction are absolutely brilliant. She is much better in herself, but I get these tearful phonecalls in the evening, she really layed in to me last night saying I 'put her there' etc and she wants to go home. There is nothing for her at home, she's isolated and was dependent on carers. For her the 'grass i greener', eventually she calms down, left me distraught and when I rang to day she was right as rain. When I visit her during the day she is mostly fine and I usually plan it so that there is an activity scheduled when I leave. I suppose what I am trying to say is, like other replies, that it's timing. The evenings are obviously the worst for her and the staff have told me that it is sundowning. No answers but loads of sympathy.

 

[Nels]

Hi thanks for the replies. Still no further forward, I had to stay all day at school and came home to find that hubby had fallen asleep on the settee apparently had done this throughout the day, in between being phoned by MIL, who then puts the phone down and wanders off. Carer had replaced it when she called at 5pm and then phoned him, MIL has also stopped eating the meals on wheels, not even touching the sweet, but devoured the fish and chips he brought in Offered to phone GP as they were still open (just about) but he said he will do it tomorrow. Feel he is 'shutting down', does this if he has too much to do and cannot prioritise. He has admitted to me that she has to go into a NH but she is refusing to go at present, have told him in no uncertain terms that she has to go and showed him some posts about how others have the same problems. I will stay with her Friday night so he can sleep as I do not have school on Sat, hurry up the end of term! Thanks again everyone. Nels

 

[kia]

Hi thanks for the replies. Still no further forward, I had to stay all day at school and came home to find that hubby had fallen asleep on the settee apparently had done this throughout the day, in between being phoned by MIL, who then puts the phone down and wanders off. Carer had replaced it when she called at 5pm and then phoned him, MIL has also stopped eating the meals on wheels, not even touching the sweet, but devoured the fish and chips he brought in Offered to phone GP as they were still open (just about) but he said he will do it tomorrow. Feel he is 'shutting down', does this if he has too much to do and cannot prioritise. He has admitted to me that she has to go into a NH but she is refusing to go at present, have told him in no uncertain terms that she has to go and showed him some posts about how others have the same problems. I will stay with her Friday night so he can sleep as I do not have school on Sat, hurry up the end of term! Thanks again everyone. Nels

hiya u both sound at the end of your tethers my dad was the same point b1ank refused to go in do u have a ss yet and a cpn nurse on board cos their your first port of ca11 then u can insist on the assessment but i do fee1 for u was in this boat not 1ong ago xxxxxkia

 

[frederickgt]

Nels,if you want to talk,I live in Hornchurch.

 

[Nels]

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was a 'good' day and between myself and SW persuaded hubby to stay at home last night, although I woke at 4a.m. and found him downstairs wide awake, think the broken nights have upset his sleep pattern, I lured him back upstairs with hot chocolate and a biscuit, oh how times have changed. MIL was fine only got out of bed once (the alarm people phoned me this morning at 7 to reassure) but today has been up and down. Carer found photos and table strewn around the floor when she arrived at 8, as if she has swept them on the floor. Next door neighbour heard her tapping about 2.30pm and went in, she was complaining that her son had not been home for his food, her MOW.... in between ok but she has hidden her alarm button, hubby has looked everywhere about 8.30 neighbour heard her again and found her without her skirt on asking for son. Night time carers arrived, still could not find alarm button. Will see how she goes tonight. Hubby is going to see some homes that have vacancies tomorrow, today she was willing to consider these but not go back to the NH she has been in. Nels