Mum has agreed to respite

[ella24]

Hi Julie

It all sounds promising...

E care home manager has put mum on enhanced observations- particularly at night which is a mystery to us- she has also said that if at the end of the week's stay that she is not happy with mum going back to the flat with the care we had set up she will be calling SS.

Gran's CH manager did the same - and we discovered that gran was also night-time wandering the extent of which wasnt apparent when she was at home alone..... (and gran was seen as competent because of tea and toast)

Gran's CH manager also said that if there were any questions as to it not being a long-term stay she would have fought SS on that basis....

btw, we were on Deferred Payments/12 week disregard/self funding from Northants CC.

lots of luck

e

 

[julieann15]

Hi
I have just been to visit mum with Erin. She has had a good afternoon chatting with staff about all the stuff she did regarding crafts,community centre etc. She has eaten all put in front of her(think it was hot dog tonight for tea- described as sausage in a bread roll). She was happy and more relaxed than I have seen her for years. The scared look in her eyes had gone and she thought she had been there for some time.
I reminded the staff that she is a bit of a "late bird" and she would probably sit chatting with them.
She asked if she could walk me to the car-I said it was raining and the driveway is a little dark and I would pop in tomorrow to see her.
I have spoken to sis and we have decided if necessary to get the full assessment done we will pay for any extra week(s) ourselves and then claim it back from SS-I am sure they will love us by the time we have done with them.

And the phone will not ring tonight??

Thank you all for the support that you have shown both myself and Ian and his sister and partner-

Love Julie xx

 

[julieann15]

Hi
Have just called the care home and mum has had a good nights sleep. She got herself up and dressed for breakfast and is eating well. I was planning to pop in again tonight for half an hour but Erin has been sick in the night so it is best I keep her away. Have asked nurse to tell mum this and I will see her tomorrow.Currently trying to get the washing done
Mum asked to go to her room about 8.00pm- I bet she was shattered as she did not have her usual afternoon nap as there was too much going on?

Love Julie xx

 

[Helen33]

Hello Julie

It is really nice to read about mum being so settled and content in her new surroundings, albeit for a week or so She is clearly enjoying the food

I am not sure what the assessment is but I would imagine that it would take at least a week for anyone to settle into a new environment before any behaviours could be relied upon. (When I say at least a week - I am really thinking at least 3-4 weeks).

It sounds like you are striving for the best for mum and I join the others in wishing you well Julie

Take a day or two off and try to get some rest yourself.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

It`s good news Julie. Perhaps your MIL will enjoy herself so much she will want to stay.

 

[julieann15]

SS say mum will go home next Tuesday

Hi Everyone
Even if mum wants to stay she has to go home as she is not self-funding and SS are dragging their feet big time as they will need to top up the difference. They say she has got to have more assessments to living alone. We had OT go in and as mum can make a cup of tea, make toast and warm a tin of soup she is okay. Only in the last fortnight the toast in the toaster had started burning and she did not know how to eject it setting off the smoke alarms. She had a new shower fitted and burnt herslf under it on the first day she used it.Mum will not accept any more care going into the flat so we are back to our Ground Hog Day of Saturdays always over sorting out the mess and hopefully the care we had before?? The SW has not seen it fit to return the 3 calls my husband made to her last Friday.
We were told by mum's consultant that she needed to be in a CH by the winter.(his recommendation in the presence of the CPN). So next Tuesday as I am unavailable to pick up MIL and take her back to the flat with no food in the fridge they will have to do it??Incidentally this SW has met my mum once and that was last Thursday to see if she was in agreement to this break?

Ian's brother-in-law is on the case now. So for now we sit and wait?
Incidentally I have had a wonderful 2 hours sleep this afternoon while Erin caught up on some of the sleep she missed last night!

Love Julie xx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Julie,
Would the consultant put his recommendation in writing? I think that would be harder to ignore than a verbal recommendation. Perhaps if you explain you're getting a lot of resistance and a letter would be helpful.

Also, I'm curious too as to what they would do if you don't turn up on Tuesday. Tell them you can't do it & see what the response is. Is it possible to say you will check to see if food was brought in etc etc and if not, report them for neglect? I guess that would be over the top - pity.

It is so frustrating dealing with bureaucrats, isn't it?

 

[ella24]

Hi Julie

If the consultant can add weight to the arguement to stay, and the CH too, and the CPN, then surely SS would be leaving themselves VERY liable...

Gran's CH were prepared to help in 'reminding' SS about getting things moving (Deferred Payements were taking an age) - and were in contact with my grans SW (several times) to tell her about night-time wandering, disorientation in the evenings, and the fact that the CH room would be taken if SS dragged their heels, leaving gran without her /our chosen CH.

May be worth the CH manager having a word with SW....?

anyway, am glad MIL is settling well

e

 

[julieann15]

CH manager knows or our unavailability on Tuesday as does CPN. She says a week is not long enough for assessment and is on our side for more time at the CH. And yes if they send her back then it is neglect and should they do it then then the higher powers will be informed. I am not around this weekend as Ian and I are going to spend some quality time together knowing that mum is safe. I am going to talk to Mum's consultant on Monday but am hoping CPN will already have done this!

Love Julie xx

 

[jenniferpa]

I would refuse point blank to be available/responsible on Tuesday (at least until you find out what they have put into place).

P.S. I would also, at this time, make a formal complaint about incompetence re this social worker including her inability to return phone calls in a timely manner.

 

[julieann15]

Hi Jennifer
This is already in the pipeline. We are planning to demand another SW, Mum has told care home she wants to stay as she is enjoying care and more importanty the company and the activities and security, she has been out for a walk today with a a lady she is getting on well with AND a carer so no DOL there but she did not know why they had gone out for a walk??
The CH would like to take mum to Garden Centre for coffee and cake at weekend so where is DOL??

And we now have a hidden card under our sleeve if they try to ship mum out which noone is aware of?

Love Julie

 

[julieann15]

The SW has finally returned Ian's calls from FRIDAY!!
Her line manager is off sick but she is wanting mum to undergo a Mental Capacity test. In the meantime mum is thriving- she has palled up with a lady similar to herslf and they are enjoying each others company. This lady is now settling better too. Mum is not asking to go home and when she said how long I am staying I said a few weeks for full assessment and give your cleaner chance to shampoo the carpets she made no comment. The bewildered look she had on her face had gone and she is smiling a lot. She is also now using the lift which means she is safer.She is also sleeping well as she is not falling asleep in the chair from lack of stimulation.

Love Julie xx

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Julie,

Very good news about M.I.L. She sounds happy and is safe.

Love from

Christine xx

 

[BeckyJan]

I am pleased to hear how well your MIL has settled - it seems it is just what she needs. I thought assessments took from 3 - 6 weeks - they do up here anyway. You seem to have the SW sussed out amd hopefully the CPN and consultant are supporting you.
Good luck and enjoy your weekend. Jan

 

[hazytron]

Dear Julie

What fantastic news. You must be so relieved. I am soooooooo envious. I would give the world to see my Mum happy and safe.

Hazel

 

[karenlsinging]

I would also, at this time, make a formal complaint about incompetence re this social worker including her inability to return phone calls in a timely manner.

When I recently had to make a complaint on dad's behalf about mum's care after day centre respite was taken away from her and regular monthly respite was dropped, I wrote not only to the doctors (GP and hospital) whose care she was under but I also copied it to mum's MP, her MSP, her local councillor, the dementia co-ordinator, the respite co-ordinator, the day centre and the social work department. I posted it on a Thursday and by Saturday the ball started rolling when I received an immediate reply from my MP who started an investigation. Every single one of the departments I copied it to (apart from 1 very big one) replied to me and got things moving to get mum back into regular monthly respite. The only people who never replied directly were the NHS doctors! Although I received a copy of their reply to the MP, they never even had the courtesy to acknowledge my complaint!

Sounds like your mum is happy now - long may it continue. My mum is in for respite this week in the hospital where she will go in full time but they are waiting for a bed to become available for full time care. Dementia co-ordinator wants them to do a risk assessment on both mum and dad as she feels it is too high risk for mum to go home now after a fall out of bed and both of them falling when they were out for a walk. Mum is 80 and dad 77 and he is her full time carer. If they assess she needs to stay in suddenly a bed will be available! How does that work???? I suspect one of the respite beds will be used in the meantime so another poor soul will lose their respite.

 

[julieann15]

Update on mum's respite

Hi
As some of you will know my MIL (mum) went into respite on Tuesday. This is also so they can assess mum as we don't know the true extent of her confusion. She is settling very well and indeed has made friends with a lady who was not settling as well as the home would have wished. Each evening mum and A go to A's room to watch the soaps together.The home also take mum and A down to the local shop to collect a paper each day(this is something mum has always done each day)

Mum has not asked once to go home. On Friday the chiropodist went in and the afternoon is usually a little chaotic with ladies being moved in and out of the lounges to have their toe nails cut or feet soaked prior to the trim.Mum described it as a "madhouse and she doesn't know how thw staff cope working there!!" I have suggested to the home that they let me know next time the chiropodist goes in and they do mum's feet at the beginning and then I take her out for a few hours as obviously the change in routine albeit only after 3 afternoons unsettled her. And now she is only 15 minutes walk from me it is not the 40 minute drive I had before to find mum still not dressed when I get there

To date her and A have been waiting in the dining room fully dressed and washed BEFORE breakfast time

It is really strange not having all the phone calls from mum and not having to phone her all the time to check she has had her meds, meals and remind her what she is doing. I have phoned the home each evening and last week I saw her Tues,Wed and Friday each time taking Erin with me. My sons are going to call in after school next week and I plan to take mum to one of Erin's play groups with me and take her to town to buy something for Erin's birthday. I do hope she is still local for Erin's birthday so she can come around and share a birthday tea with us all.

All in all despite SS this respite I feel has been good for all concerned.
Oh I sent a four page letter of safety concerns I had for mum and having read it the SW has changed and is trying to get some more time signed off-perhaps it was the line "we cannot sustain the level of care we have been doing and should mum come back to the flat we will be holding SS responsible for mum's welfare and ultimately responsible if any harm comes to her"- at that point I think she realised we meant it!!

Hard but it had to be done because they would have let it go on and on??

LOve Julie xx

 

[Helen33]

Morning Julie,

This is wonderful. It is such a happy post seeing mum settled and content in new surroundings. To have made a friend is an added bonus. The benefits to you mean that you can actually enjoy the time with mum rather than having to spend all your energy on practical and safety issues

Well done in helping Social Services to see that they have to take responsibility for their decisions It's amazing how things can change once people have to be responsible for their actions.

A big 'well done' and now it's onwards and upwards

Love

 

[julieann15]

Update on Mum's respite

What is it with Social workers? Yesterday the SW attached to mum's case drove 30 miles over to the home where mum is to interview her. The Care home manager and deputy were unaware she was coming and had been in,interviewed mum and left before they knew she was there. A junior let her in and took ker up to mum's room. The only question she asked B was "how many visitors has mum had this week?"She did not ask to look at the extensive care records the home has kept or to speak to the manager/deputy.
L the deputy asked mum shortly afterwards who she had been speaking to and what about-NO idea!!When I spoke to her last night noone had been in to see her!!

This home is one of the best near me. Most days they have walked mum into the village to fetch her paper and yesterday morning ie just hours befoe SW called she had been down to the local baptist church for coffee morning(something she would never do when she lived at the flat despite our suggestions)

From feedback we have had mum was upset she could not go into the village one day alone to get her paper, CH manager asked her to wait for another staff member to come in and she went later. I would like to ask the SW if she would let her mum with dementia out into a village to fetch a paper- I think not? She repeated this loss of liberty to the SW but forgot about her trip to the garden centre at the weekend, to the local shops most days and the coffee morning she had only just attended

The home say she is happy and relaxed and last night mum said she wasn't sure if this was the place for her but neither did she say she wanted to go back to the flat. On Friday when I mentioned collecting things from her flat she made no comment of even having one.

The CH manager is going to make a formal complaint about SW as she always likes to be around to add comment

I am hoping to take mum to Erin's play group tomorrow and collect her paper with her but of course mum will not remember-just the one time she was asked to wait for E the care worker to come in to take her out-lol

There will be a best interests meeting soon- this time with ALL relevant parties involved -not just the ones SS wanted to be there.

Love Julie xx

 

[Helen33]

Dear Julie

You are doing such a wonderful job in ensuring that mum gets what she needs. I appreciate how much energy this requires but then at least it is energy spent with 'hope' attached to it that what is required is reasonably possible

Your posts have taken a distinct turn since mum has been in the care home because I can practically feel how much support you are receiving from the care home rather than you having to shoulder total responsibility for sorting out all the daily problems that were arising from mum living in the flat. I am so pleased for you

Love and best wishes