Unhappy with social worker

[mandyp]

Hi....me again!

Dad and I are unhappy with the social worker that is in charge of his case.

Dad thinks she's deaf, or chooses not to listen and talks over the top of him.

Those of you that have read my 'many' recent posts will know that Mum has been in respite. Dad was reluctant to say the least. The SW and nurse (and me) forced him into it. One of the reasons he didn't want to was because he'd have to pay for it (again see earlier posts on Mum's debt). The SW said they would sort 'something' out. This morning he's received a bill for the respite (which unsurprisingly he can't pay). I'm furious as I know he made it very clear that Mum couldn't go into care as he simply can't afford it.

The SW also visited Mum in the home and said that she didn't seem too bad, in fact Mum's foot was tapping away to the music......Mum's feet and hands never stop moving, she constantly fidgets.....she'd be lucky if she even knew music was on! Perhaps the SW would be better to see her with poop in her hands/hair and the state her bottom was in when she got out of the home. Perhaps she'd like to try to get her onto a toilet.

I can't help think that while this stupid woman is in charge of Dad's case, he will continue to get no support at home. I can't help feel that she's implying Dad is a fraud (as an indication, he changed Mum 9 times yesterday, the entire bed twice during the night).

The phsyciatrist and Dad's doctor both want Mum in full time care but Dad is resisting, surely that should be enough for her to know that he desperatly needs help.

The incontinence people have given him the special toilet seat (again see earlier posts), it hasn't made any difference. The only other thing they will supply him with is the adult nappies (which he can't get on her as she resists, it's hit or a miss if he manages). I've bought him the matteress protectors and seat protectors.

I'm not sure how to tackle this, the woman continually points out to Dad how she's the same age as Mum (60) and how she can't believe that someone the same age as her is the way Mum is, it really irritates Dad.

Should I write to an MP/Councillor/Social Work (or all 3), highlighting all the issues that I'm worried about in terms of care/lack of support/the law is an ass etc, or is it only going to be a waste of time and Dad will still have the same duff Social Worker (the other stuff I want to highlight as it can't just be Dad having these problems).

Thanks......again!

 

[shelagh]

Duff Social Worker

Yes you DO need to complain - she is completely lacking in empathy and insight. Make a note ofg some of her comments anfd then either write or ask to see her team leader and make sure your voice is heard. Your Dad and Mum need some decent support
good luck
Shelagh

 

[jenniferpa]

The reality is, if you do nothing, your father will be stuck with this appalling excuse for a social worker for certain. So yes, absolutely, complain as loudly as possible to her manager and on up the chain. I am normally an advocate for going "through the process": thats is following the guidelines that your LA will have with regard to making complaints, but I'm not sure you can afford to wait for that process. The LA website will be the place to start, though.

With regard to the respite cost, while this may be different in Scotland, this is something that comes from the person in respite's assets, not the carer. I have always thought this was the wrong way round, but in your father's case this should be better, as your mother has negative assets from what you say. Unfortunately, I believe it is possible for the LA to bill for respite in a very arbitrary way. However, in your father's position I would point out that they said it would be sorted and that your mother can't pay this bill, and if they want to be a creditor, they can get behind everyone else.

This is not relevant to your immediate issue but have you managed to get him to any debt counselling service yet on behalf of your mother? I can't help feeling that if she was to be declared bankrupt (and it's not as if she will have any need to rebuild her credit) that this situation would be much improved for him.

 

[Sandy]

Hi Mandy,

I agree with what the others have said in that your dad needs to have a social worker that he can trust and that has some insight/empathy with his situation.

It sounds as if this SW has no experience working with someone who has young onset dementia.

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't pleased with the way your mum's toileting had been handled during respite. It can be a very difficult area and the short stay of a respite visit doesn't always provide the enough time for trust to be built up regarding personal care.

Other than that, what did you and your dad think about respite?

If the SW was not an issue, what do you think your dad would accept now in terms of help and support?

Take care,

 

[mandyp]

It sounds as if this SW has no experience working with someone who has young onset dementia.

Actually and I find this more worrying, she doesn't, Mum is the first. However she does deal with older people and she's so awful at least Dad is younger. I dread to think what older people's experience would be.

if she was to be declared bankrupt

I did think of that, Dad is less than keen (pride I think), however I don't think it can happen as she is still joint owner of the house so I suspect that would be classed as an asset. Dad would rather the credit card company had a 'heart'....perhaps a wee bit unrealistic.

debt counselling service

Dad managed to see the Citizens Advice people while Mum was in respite and they are contacting the creditors on his behalf, but they don't hold out much hope, we will have to wait and see on that (and I will post again to keep people updated that may be in a similar position on the result)

Other than that, what did you and your dad think about respite?

Oh dear, it was awful. Poor Dad was in a terrible state, so upset to see her amongst all the old people (she looked so young). He felt she deteriorated while in there. Twice she smelled when he visited and had poop all over her hands (which made him think he took better care of her. He felt they just sat everyone in front of the TV. He couldn't sleep for worrying about her and felt everyone had forced him into something he didn't want to do. He feels guilty and that he's failed her, it was awful and didn't work out as much of a break for him. That said, he is struggling and is realises he can't manage for too much longer. Just a mass of emotions really.

what do you think your dad would accept now in terms of help and support

Even some daycare so that he could get out and get shopping etc, a wee break to do his crossword would help (he talks about a couple of days a week, in an ideal world). The issues with Mum's toileting make it difficult to leave the house.

I'm really undecided what to do, I spoke to him tonight and explained that I'd like to vent, even in the knowledge that nothing might get done but just because the situation is ridiculous and who knows what this woman is like for other people and to highlight how poor the level of care/support seems to be in our area.

 

[jenniferpa]

You know, I'd forgotten you were in Scotland where the rules are different.

I realize he won't do this, but I really do think it would be better if he didn't attempt to pay this debt and let the credit card company take what steps they can. It's not like she'll be needing credit and unless the rules are very different in Scotland, it's her debt, not his, so all they can do is chase her (if the card were in joint names or he cosigned for them then obviously ignore this). However, I do understand that he feels duty bound to pay this debt.

At least the creditors now know the situation and I would be very interested to hear what they have to say about it.

 

[Sandy]

Oh dear - sounds like your poor father feels like he is caught between a rock and a hard place.

The lack of services for younger people with dementia is a real problem.

Would your father consider a sitting service coming into the home so that he could go out and get a break? I know many carers would prefer to have 'time off' in their own homes, but this can be one possible alternative for carers of people who won't/can't go to day care.

Have you ever contacted the Glasgow Younger Persons Support Service? They might have some other ideas:

http://www.alzscot.org/pages/regions/youngerpersons.htm

Take care,

 

[keane]

Mandy

Definitley complain about that social worker. How dare she imply that your mum isn't that bad. Sometimes people are just so insensitive and have no idea what it is like living with this day to day. It makes me so angry. Anyway none of this venting is helpful to you.

I am so worried about you and your poor dad. Firstly, I think i would try and get proper legal advice regarding this debt. There are solicitors out there who are speacialists at dealing with people who have Az. There must be a way round this. I am awaiting a phone call from my mum's solicitor and will ask him about this.

I am really sorry that the respite didn't seem to work out. As other people have said I can't re-iterate enough how apalling the lack of support /services are out there for younger people and more generally people with dementia currently available. Our social worker is very kind and understanding but has nothing to offer in terms of support. We are currently looking at respite care for my mum and I am having to do all the research into suitable care homes myself. I would say that don't give up on the respite option - go to the quality care commission and see what's available in your area http://www.carecommission.com. It will provide the inspection reports of all the care home near you. Also - if you were unsatisfied with the service recieved - complain. It is us as the 'clients' who need to drive up standards in these places. I know it's not easy to have the energy to do this sometimes but we need to.

Love to you all

Caroline x