Lost new carer

[jenner]

Hi
My mum is 88 and has vascular dementia/alzheimers. I have just moved in her in with me. I am on an extremely sharp learning curve.

Doctor not very helpful, no medical help, tablets available because of her heart.

At the moment mum is prone in bed, refusing drinks, food or her other tablets (blood pressure/depression etc).

Won't get out of bed, or sit up, won't let me wash her or change her nightdress.

This has been going on for two days, and just screams and fights me off if I try to be firm.

First time on forum not sure if I have used correctly, but would appreciate any advice etc, from experienced carers.

 

[Charlyparly]

Hi Jenner,

You need to get in touch with social services as soon as you possibly can, so that both you and your Mum can be assessed for additional support. Not sure if you feel up to tackling the GP at the same time and insisting that he or she visits as a matter of urgency?

It's terrible that you've been completely thrown in at the deep end like this.

Do you have any family or friends who might be able to help in the meantime?

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

So sorry to read about your problem, but the weekend is a good time to ask for help because you usually get the duty doctor which in our area is a new face each time and therefore you get a different opinion and outlook on the "case". I am always pleased to see a new face and that has helped us on more than one occasson. Phone now if you have not already done so.
Lots of thoughts and best wishes

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi, and welcome to Talking Point (which you are absolutely using correctly).

My first thought is that if this is a sudden change you may well be looking at some kind of infection, probably a UTI (urinary tract infection). For many elderly people these are 'silent" infections without any of the obvious symptoms (burning, increased frequency, pain, fever) and present with simply (wrong word, because it's anything but simple) increased confusion.

There's a thread here about UTIs http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?t=13808

Is she continent? That is, is she getting out of bed to use the loo? My second thought is if she is actually getting up for that reason, then you may have to take the position that there is no reason she can't get up (for meals etc). This is going to sound hard, but once you've ruled out an organic reason for this behaviour you may well have to put it down to being stubborn. It won't kill her to stay in bed for a couple of days, but you don't have to be a waitress.

Having said all that though, I do think that if she is suddenly refusing her medication (which is a very bad idea if she has hypertension) you need to call the GP service now, lay it on with a trowel, (sorry but sometimes it's necessary) and insist on a visit.

One of the things you do learn as a carer is that it is very important to be assertive on behalf of the person you are caring for - not unpleasant you understand, just clear about the service you expect from professionals. It's not always easy, but it does get better results overall. If your GP, for example, continues to be less than helpful, contact the Practice Manager in a spirit of "what is it reasonable for us to expect?"

Take care

 

[foxhound]

I think all the other threads are bang on - especially pushing yr GP hard. A UTI does seem a likely cause. It may also be worth looking at some sort of anti-psychotic med to alleviate the sense of distress.

More importantly, things were much the same here last year -it is very very hard to cope with and you have all my sympathy. I actually ended up having the old girl admitted to hospital, where they found no UTI (on a medical ward) and transferred her to a vile psycho-geriatric ward from which I pulled her home after two weeks. Things then settled (in big fits and starts) quite well, and she is now much more at ease (albeit weak).

On a practical note, do try and tempt with favourite snacks and drinks - hang nutrition, just try and get some fluids down her. Lemonade (and sweet strong milky coffee) seems to be popular round here! I can also recommend tiramisu (S****burys do a VERY good one) and game (very strengthening and appealing to the palate). Mind you, so are bacon sandwiches - worth a try?

Good luck and do keep posting - it is a rough road and the support here is first rate.