Humanist Funeral.

[Rosie]

My Dad has decided to hold a Humanist Funeral for my Mam who passed away on Saturday. I do not know much about the Service they perform & would welcome any information from anyone who has had any experience of arranging one or have attended a Humanist Funeral. Many thanks, luv Rosie x x

 

[ella24]

I have not been to a humanist funeral but have been to some humanist christenings (where I was a 'guardian' (like God-mother)). Hvae you looked at the Humanist Society website (linked to funeral page for you) http://www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-funerals-memorials

e

 

[Rosie]

Thank you for link, I will have a look and try to get some info but would still appreciate any comments from anyone who has attended a humanist funeral, Luv Rosie x x

 

[jenniferpa]

Yes, I did this for my mother. There is a website http://www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-funerals-memorials

that can help. The funeral director was also very helpful, and in fact gave me the name of someone who I did use. Something I did find slightly odd - this was slightly more expensive that having a priest or whatever (apparently churches subsidize this to some extent). Also, of course, the service is very much tailored to the specific person, so it takes more work on their part. The celebrant visited me at home (well mummy's home where I was staying) and spent more than an hour asking me questions about my mother and her life. It was both distressing and affirming. I also gave him some poetry and discussed appropriate music (piaf singing je ne regrette rien).

The service (at a crematorium) was much like a normal funeral service, except it was very personal. I didn't have any family there, sadly, but it would have been a great way to celebrate the end of a long productive life. At the end the celebrant gave me a copy of his "speech" for want of a better word.

I was very pleased (if you know what I mean).

 

[Rosie]

Thanks Jennifer for your information, sounds like it will be a good service, it is on Monday, so I will let you know how I found it , and share the experience with others who may be intrested, many thanks, Rosie x x

 

[Mameeskye]

My friend's Mum had a humanist ceremony and it was very moving. I attended it at a time when I knew my Mum's end was near.

There was a little bit about what Humanists believe at the start, but not too much, but it is a very common sense approach. Then a piece of music that my friend's Mum had loved and then the celebrant started on my friend's Mum's story another piece of music and a little bit more about her and a final piece of music.

It was a very moving ceremony and definitely something I would consider for myself. It centred itself upon my friends Mum and her interactions with others. It was very peaceful.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[Nan2seven]

Thank you for asking this, Rosie, and thank you Ella and Jennifer, for the link. Love, Nan XXX

 

[Heather777]

Funeral

Rosie, I am a Christian and went to my friends humanist service in February. I was wondering how it would go, you know not talking about God and afterlife and stuff. However, it was a very beautiful service and so personal to him. It made you laugh and cry and I never come away thinking that something was missing. In fact I believe that when you go to a funeral and there is no faith a Christian based service can feel really stiff and fake. I can imagine that it must take a lot of effort as you don't have a set plan but it means that the music, the words, the thoughts can be exactly for the person. There was a slot for a quiet time where people cpuld pray or think about the person. I would say it can be a truly, beautiful expression of a grieving family's love for the person.

My thoughts are with you as you grieve for your mum, it is such a strange place to be in when you lose her. I hope that you have time to think of good times and don't be hard on yourselves as you go through this process.
Heather x

 

[ROSEANN]

Dear Rosie

My brother died of cancer in June and he had arranged his own funeral and it was a Humanist Funeral.
We were a bit unsure about this but everything Heather has said is true.

It was one of the most beautiful services I have ever been to, everything about it was personal to my brother and I even had the strength to do a reading myself.

I wish you all the best for Monday and send love to you and your family.
Roseann xx

 

[Nebiroth]

It is very much like a "Church of England" style service, but there are of course no prayers and no hymns, unless they are selected as being a preference of the deceased. The celebration of the deceased's life will take place, people can speak if they wish, poetry read, music played and so forth. It will tend to be less formal. A celebrant will take the role usually conducted by the local priest/vicar/whatever. Many cemetaries now offer non-denominational areas where services of any type may be held without the display of religious sumbols etc because of the need to cater for so many "non Christian" services in modern times.

 

[Soobee]

I went to the humanist funeral of my university lecturer Rex and it was lovely. His family talked about him and his foibles and his life - things like hoarding broken scissors and waiting for the sandwiches to be reduced at the supermarket before buying them. It made much more sense to me to celebrate the real person and their good and bad points than to have an impersonal service for a God that meant nothing to him and his family.

There were several pieces of music played including:
Empty Chairs - Don McLean
I Shall Not Walk Alone - Ben Harper
and a piece by Jacqueline Du Pre.

We were each given a flower to throw onto the coffin as he was buried - it gave us each a chance to think about him and say goodbye without words. As a gesture it was very powerful.

 

[taylorcat]

Rosie,

Sorry about your Mum.

I also arranged a humanist funeral for my Dad.

The Humanist came to my house to discuss my Dad a couple of days before the service and at the end of her visit I felt a bit guilty that we had all been laughing.

The Humanist went over my Dad's life and we ended up telling her lots of little stories about him some of which we had long forgotten about but were so funny.

The service itself was just lovely, all about my Dad and his life.

I wouldn't hesitate to arrange another Humanist service.

 

[Rosie]

Humanist Funeral.

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences with me in attending a Humanist Funeral, the Humanist Representative is coming to my Dad's house today to have chat about our Mam and I will let you know how it goes. My Dad is adamant that the service is to kept very simple and non religious, I bought the book "Funerals without God" and found that very good to give an insight on what to expect, so I would recommend that book to read if you were thinking about planning a Humanist Funeral, I bought it from the society itself but i'm sure you would be able to purchase it elsewhere. Thanks again for all your replies, Luv Rosie x x

 

[Brucie]

I attended a humanist funeral 3-4 years ago and it still remains the nicest one [of many] that I have attended.

Also, frankly, the most meaningful - though I was extremely doubtful before I went.

Now that few people know or can sing the good [ie not happy clappy] hymns in a Christian service - they were always my favourite part of any Christian ceremony - those services all seem a bit of a box-ticking exercise.

I'll go humanist for mine.

 

[Rosie]

We met the representative tonight who will be presenting the Humanist Ceremony for my Mam on monday, he seems a lovely, down to earth gentleman, my Dad found it quite difficult at first but Richard soon put him at ease, myself & my brother found it quite therapeutic to speak about our lovely Mam. His whole attitude & the way he explained things really helped. I now know that if we had any reservations about going ahead with a Humanist Funeral, we are all quite at ease with how they go about doing the ceremony. My Mam's Funeral is Monday & i'm hoping that where ever she is , that she will be watching & approve the way it has been arranged & realize how much she was loved, & will always be loved by her family. X x x

 

[Rosie]

Thanks for all your replies, & sharing your own experiences with me, Luv Rosie x x x

 

[scarletpauline]

Before reading this thread I had never heard of a humanist funeral, but was really interested in it, it sounds lovely, then I saw on TV that Keith Floyd had a humanist funeral. Pauline x

 

[PamW]

Hello Rosie
When my husband died suddenly 10 years ago we arranged a Humanist funeral. Neither of us were religious and we had heard about this as a possibility, and I am so glad we did. As others have said the Humanist came to the house and talked with us, and we decided how things would work. And yes, we laughed as well while talking about him!
The funeral director put us in touch with the Humanist, a lovely woman, and also, when my stepson said "What would be really good would be if Dad could have one of those recycled cardboard coffins" produced a brochure on that, so he (a great fan of Formula 1 motor racing) was cremated in a British Racing Green recycled cardboard coffin!
Digressing slightly here ... Don had been a jazz musician in his youth, so one of his friends provided tapes of three of the recordings he made with his first band, and he played himself in, and out!
The Humanist really just organised events, she made a simple introduction and we did everything else - I spoke (not sure how I did it now, but I did!), as did one of his nephews, and one of his friends.
I told everyone to come dressed in clothes he would have liked to see them wearing - and they did - not a single trace of black! It has left me with good memories that are still as clear today as they were then.
Tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of the husband of a friend who lost his battle with cancer, and in the note she sent me about the arrangements she put "Non religious like a certain jazz musician's funeral I attended some years ago!" Have to admit to a few sniffles when I read that.
Oh yes, and I have told my children - and put in my will - that I am going to have a Humanist funeral when my time comes - and Don and his band are going to play me in, and out, with the same tracks we used for him!
My thoughts will be with you on Monday, Pam