Lillian May

[Kazzette]

I have just read tender face's post - the last, first.

Lillian May is my Mum and Tuesday September 22nd will be the first anniversary of her passing. I am finding that my torment is 'this time last year' syndrome and I seem to be reliving her last days like it was yesterday not only in my waking moments but also when I am asleep, when I actually manage to sleep that is.

It's not the day that troubles me it is the lead up to it. It might be because she passed away so early on that day but the three days before when I knew she was going is what I am reliving desperately wanting to be able to hang on to her.

My logical mind has long since deserted me and the only way I can get through the long days and even longer nights is by not believing that I will never see or touch her again. She's coming home and then everything will be back to normal......

So I am waiting...................

 

[Tender Face]

Dear Kazette, there is no advice I can give you – other than reassure you you are absolutely not alone. I found the ‘build-up’ to the date the hardest ... and those last 72 hours especially, yes, relived every moment, every conversation with nurses – tossed and turned all night just as I had last year in a chair beside her, cursed the fact the weather was even the same as had been her last weekend .... and no, I couldn’t seem to stop myself ... so I stopped fighting it.

I must say once I had reached the exact time of her death, it was though a weight had lifted ..... and I could stop the ‘reliving’ and start to reflect instead on all the things we had to be grateful for....

I hope you, too, can find that peace,
Much love, Karen, x

 

[Mameeskye]

Kazette

If you look at my posts at the anniversary of Mum's death in march/April this year you will find that it is not unusual to relive each hour. Like Karen I did it too. Like Karen after the time had passed I started to feel better about it.

It is hard.

(((((hugs))))))

May you find peace

Love

Mameeskye

 

[barbara h]

It's so reassuring to know that the experience of reliving the days up to the anniversary are experienced by so many people.

It was a year on July 1st this year since my mam died and i also found the week leading up to it much worse than the day itself,

But like everyone else once that anniversary was over i did feel better and you get rid of the 'this time last year' thoughts.

love
barbara h

 

[Lynne]

Dear Kazzette

Putting my hand up as another, re-living those awful but oh-so-precious last months of Mum's life, re-living the sleeplessness, regretting the times when I wasn't as patient as I should have been because I was just so desperately tired ...

Oh dear, not a good time of night to start myself crying again. Yes, feeling sorry for myself too; can't help it.