Wife going into respite for first time tomorow

[zebb37]

after 18 years together with hardly a day apart (except when i was in hospital last year) my Anne is going into respite for a week tomorow.

I shall miss her chronically although I know it is abreak I desperately need.

Worse than that, I feel terribly guilty.

 

[lesmisralbles]

I shall miss her chronically although I know it is abreak I desperately need.

Worse than that, I feel terribly guilty.


Pleas do not feel gulity
As you said, it is a break you desperatly need.
If you need and want to carry on looking after your wife, take this break, get refreshed

I know you will miss her, I do know that.
Do not feel guilty.

Barb XX

 

[Helen33]

Dear Zebb

Respite is high on my agenda at the moment and already it is causing me anguish so I can just imagine how you feel with it being just round the corner so to speak. However, I think Barb is right when she says it is a means to being able to offer the best possible care at home for as long as possible and in order to do this we have to have breaks.

I will be thinking about you and wishing you well. If you are able to let us know how you get on I would particularly appreciate it. My first respite is in 3 weeks time.

Love and best wishes

 

[julieann15]

Recharge time?

Dear Zebb
Please do not feel guilty- look on it as time to recharge your batteries in order that you will have the strength and resolve to carry on caring for Anne when she comes home?

Love Julie xx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Zebb

Be thankful your wife has agreed to respite. I would love a break but have not yet found a way my husband will accept . I can assure you if and when he does I will not feel guilty and nor should you.
It is a last resort.

 

[gill@anchorage5]

Good Luck with it!

Our first attempt at respite was difficult and turned out to be no respite at all! To the extent that 5 years went by without us trying it again!!!! More to do with the place Dad went to and at that stage I don't think it was right for him

But now we have regular planned respite breaks (different place and Dad is much "further down the line" now) and quite honestly I couldn't do without them now.

The first respite is a huge hurdle - with all the associated guilt. I still get the guilt factor each time he goes in, but I know that without it I couldn't "recharge the batteries" to enable me to "care" as well as I (hopefully) do!

Good luck with it - it will be worth all the anguish!

Take care

Love

Gill x

 

[jackson]

respite

hi zebb,just read your post regarding respite.i can actually empathise with your situation with all the fears and trepidations
regarding your anne going into respite.im in a bit of a different situation to you whereas it is my mum who is in respite at this present moment in time.i was in a very worried state of mind when my mum went into respite the first time,which was infact recently (june 2009)there was quite a few issues regarding my mums care in the first respite home,whereas i actually removed her.my mum stayed at my home after that until the next incident which was quite difficult whereas my mum ended up in respite again another carehome in a different local area where i live,at the beginning i was extremely concerned regarding my mums care:but as time has passed i now realise that i was worrying unnecessarily,my mum is being very well cared for,and is coming home to me in the very near future.i would like to try and re-assure you of your concerns regarding your anne that i'm sure she will be very well looked after,and as pointed out previously in other posts i'm sure it will do you the world of good to have some valuable breathing space to yourself.believe me you do need it and will benefit from it.(consider it as recharging your batteries)i felt very guilty at first:but i now realise that it is definitely necessary for us all to be able to cope as carers.good luck and try to take advantage of the time you have for yourself.

 

[sad nell]

Zebb , my husband just returned home from respite, where he is well looked after, think that is the thing ,you have to find a place that you feel right about. but i have never felt guilty ,because i know i am doing the best i can, and nor should you, I find it easier not to visit too often, take a garment of annes that has not been washed it will carry her scent to bed with you, it was a great comfort to me to be able to smell my husband. love pam

 

[karenlsinging]

Zebb, I know it's hard but you will definitely feel the benefit.

My mum has been having regular respite now once a month for a week at a time for just under 2 years and the first couple of times were definitely the hardest. My dad is her carer 24/7 and he resisted the respite route for a long time even though her doctors and the staff who care for their whole situation kept pushing him to accept it. They have been married 58 years and had only spent a few nights apart in all that time. The first time she was in respite he popped in to see her one afternoon and was amazed at how "serene" she was. Quite settled, not distressed to be there and well looked after. That certainly put his mind at rest and he was able to accept her going in regularly, so much so that he had a boys holiday (they are all in their 70s!) to Tenerife while she was in earlier this year. No harm in popping in to visit during the respite, even if it is only for 15 minutes to put your mind at rest. We just say we have to get away to get back to work now and mum accepts it every time.

Mum is 80 and quite far down the Alzheimer road and frequently has no idea who dad is so he now looks forward to the next respite week as it is so distressing for him when she is fighting him off (to her he is just some random man trying to get her knickers off!). Thankfully we have had great help from Social Work and from healthcare professionals who now come in to help mum get washed and dressed in the morning and into her pyjamas at night. Again, these were all things dad resisted as "mum wouldn't like it" until I arranged them and asked him to try it. It is also a wee bit of company for him to chat to when they come in for half an hour as mum is no longer able to have any conversation. He was always the life and soul of any party and enjoys telling his stories and jokes to someone else!

Good luck and please accept any help that comes your way. You will benefit hugely from it and be ready to care again afterwards.
Thinking of you.
Karen L

 

[karenlsinging]

Hi again

Well the week must be over for you now. How did it go? Do you feel the better for the rest? I was thinking about you - my mum was in for a week's respite too and came home yesterday. I popped in to see her on Sunday and we took her out in the gardens of the hospital for a seat in the sun. She was fine. Nurses say she is very settled now when she goes in. Not long until she will go in full time, having had respite for 2 years now.
Hope you feel able to accept respite again - it does get easier and the guilt lessens too!
Karen