needing some advice

[suzw82]

hi,

i'm on here to try and get some help and advice... my gran (who is 84) was taken into hospital on Christmas Eve 08 with what turned out to be constipation. Up until this point she was a very fit lady who lived by herself and did not seem to be showing signs of dementia.

While she was in hospital we were told that she was suffering from delirium and that they were going to keep her in. She ended up being in hospital for a number of months and (in the opinion of myself and my family) she given very very poor care. As a result she became very weak, lost the ability to walk and picked up numerous infections including c diff. We put in numerous complaints about her care but never seemed to get anywhere. We were then told that she has dementia.

Eventually she was moved into a care home, which is where she currently is. Unfortunately this had made the situation worse and we are extremely concerned about the care she is currently receiving. There has been a catalogue of errors made by the home including losing medical records and samples, fogetting to take her for her meals, forgetting to give her her medication etc. She has been subject to physical abuse by other residents and has had men making inapproriate sexual comments to her and the best the home are doing is putting her in her bed in her room all day so that she is safe from other people. As a result my granny is terrified and cries constantly.

My gran is very close to my mum and my mum has been her carer for years. My mum is on the verge of having a breakdown due to the problems at the carehome. We have tried having numerous meetings with the home to address the problems but it does not seem to be improving. We have also tried going via social work and a doctor but again we are making no progress.

Anyway, I am on here to find out if my mum can take my gran out of the home and bring her to her own house to become her official carer? My mum is well aware of how much work this will be but we cannot cope with my gran being in residential care anymore and we just don't know what else to do. My mum has sisters who are willing to help with the care plus myself and my brother. Can we legally demand that she lives with my mum?

any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated, we are going out of our minds with worry.

thanks for reading this

Suzanne

 

[Vonny]

Hi Suzanne and welcome to Talking Point.

I'm sorry you have had to find us but I hope you will find some support and help here.

Has your gran had a Best of Interests meeting? I assume she has a Social Worker and I would get your mum to ask the SW to arrange such a meeting. Your gran is allowed an advocate and there should be a consultant present at the meeting and anyone who has an interest in your gran's welfare. I imagine this would include your mum and anyone else who would be involved with her care at home. Of paramount importance is your gran's safety and this should be taken into account in any decision regarding your gran's care.

I also suggest you call the Alzheimer's Society helpline on 0845 300 0336. You may also wish to call Age Concern's helpline which is 0800 00 99 66.

Please keep us updated, and I wish you and your family the very best.

Vonny xx

 

[Margaret W]

Well Suzanne, I am just a member on this website, and I am appalled by what you tell me. You simply have got to do whatever is needed to get your gran moved somwhere else.

It is not acceptable that she is put in her room all day because the staff cannot deal with inappropriate behaviour from other residents. Not acceptable at all.

Your mum can certainly bring her home, unless your gran has been sectioned (which seems unlikely from what you say), and if mum has weighed up the pros and cons properly (and get social services on board too), that seems to be the right thing to do.

But it seems odd to me that only a few months ago she had no signs of dementia and suddenly someone says she has it. I would question that. If she was previously fit and well, I would go back to the psychiatric consultant and ask what criteria have been used to determine that she has dementia and is not able to live independently (e.g. sheltered accommodation or even in her own home).

It seems to me that your gran has just been shunted off somewhere when it is not at all necessary. Any loss of moblity during her stay in hospital could surely be improved by some regular physiotherapy.

No, I wouldn't accept my gran being in that situation until it was fully explained to me why it was necessary.

Ask a lot of questions, Suzanne, and tell your gran that where she is is only temporary, cos it surely is.

Only my opinion, I have to add, I have no expert knowledge, but I wouldn't be accepting this without some answers at least.

Good luck, and SHOUT HARD.

Margaret

 

[Angela66]

But it seems odd to me that only a few months ago she had no signs of dementia and suddenly someone says she has it. I would question that. If she was previously fit and well, I would go back to the psychiatric consultant and ask what criteria have been used to determine that she has dementia and is not able to live independently (e.g. sheltered accommodation or even in her own home).

Good luck, and SHOUT HARD.

Margaret

I have to agree with you there Margaret, as mentioned in a previous post, its too easy to "label" an elderly person who may have "gone off the rails a bit" with dementia. In my opinion, its an easy option and a "cop-out" when they cant come to a conclusion.

So yeah, question till you get a result you're happy with. Not enough people speak up I think because we're told to trust the professionals but do the professionals truly know someone after a few meetings with them the way we truly know our loved ones? Hmmmm .... I dont think so

Take care,


Angela x

 

[terry999]

Dear Suzanne

I found your post really down-heartening - thinking of your gran in a room crying.

Of course it would be much better to get your gran's social worker onside - so she could possibly access her. A good SS worker can help alot.

Your Gran could have deterioated from unconnected problems e.g. my mum is/was markedly more confused when she has a urine infection. She needs a medical checkup.

Before you bring her home prepare the house; its much easier to do it when gran isn't there.

Does she know your mum's house. Incontinence might be an issue so carpeted bathroom/toilet is a problem. Things where she could trip/fall. I mean if you need building work/decorating down get it done now.

If prone to wandering a aler braclet is a good idea (www.medicalert.org)

Register with local GP and Social worker so you can get medical and SS to do assesment.

If you get nowhere fast, just bring her home. Afterall you'll know whats best for gran. Its a full time and then some looking after someone with dementia, but you could then find another home where she would be more comfortable.