quick update on mum

shelley

Registered User
Mar 29, 2009
57
0
hi ive not posted for a while so i thought id give a quick update on mum.
Mum has again detereated in the last couple of weeks,and im getting frightened now,she as lost so much weight over the last 4
weeks,the doctor gave her vitamin drinks.
When i saw mum last week she looked blind,her eyes wasnt focessed
at all ,they were sunken with no expresion,she looked at me with nothingness i felt so sad.
I would do anything to have mum back to normal just for 1 day so that i could tell her how much i love her,i thought about writing a letter to her ,as there are so many things i want to say,however i dont think she will understand.shelley
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Dear Shelley, I'm sorry your mum is reteriorating so quickly.

Why not write the letter, and read it to her anyway? You can't know how much she can understand, it might get through to her, even though she ca't respond. And it would give you comfort to leave it with her.

Love,
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,584
0
Telford
Dear Shelley,

I'm sorry your mum has deteriorated so quickly. This wretched illness always springs surprises on us.

Get that letter written! It will do you good and as Hazel says, when you read it some part of it may be understood by your mum even if she gives no indication of it.

None of us knows what goes on in our loved ones heads, whether they have dementia or not. You never know, it may help both of you

Vonny xx
 

KathM1958

Registered User
Jul 23, 2009
14
0
Derby
Shelley

I've thought the same as you, that I would love to have my mum back as she was to tell her I love her. I realise now how much I took her for granted and that saying 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone' is so true. We weren't a 'touchy feely' family but I've kissed and hugged my mum so much in these last few weeks that I wish I'd always done it.

I agree with the other posts Shelley, write your letter and read it to your mum. I've got so much to tell mine, I might just do the same.

Kath x
 

Angela66

Registered User
May 29, 2009
56
0
Scotland
Shelley,

I can totally relate to what you say. In fact, that could have been me writing it :eek:

My mum has also deteriorated in the last few weeks and it scares me greatly too. I always thought I was a strong person but all of this has made me realise just how weak-willed I actually am and again, its the helplessness and not being able to make a difference to mum's life that really gets to me. I feel like I've lost my "real" mum and understand now when the doc told me months ago I am grieving for the mum I had :(

When I visit my mum in the assessment ward, I dont know this woman. She looks at me like she's never seen me before. I hug her loads and give her loads of kisses on the cheek but there is no response. I dont necessarily need to feel love from her because I understand she is ill, but I would really love if she could feel every hug and all the love I have for her but I truly dont think she gets anything from me. It just feels so empty when I see her now. I look at pics of mum this time last year where she is laughing and think, "wot happened?" I'd give anything to see just even a little smirk on mum's face these days. Its been so long, all she does is cry a lot.

I know what you mean about your mum "looking blind". I look into mum's eyes, there is no emotion ... just a great big nothing. I long to see laughter in her eyes, or even just a little glimpse that she's not "hurting" mentally. She doesnt say very much at all and just looks like a little startled rabbit facing an oncoming vehicle. She did say the other day when I was visiting though "I'm not your mum" ... that hurt like hell but I kinda understand where she's coming from.

She too has also lost an incredible amount of weight, mum was always a little plump .... "fat and happy" I used to say to her!! :)

Every time I leave her in that place I cry loads. Then I get angry with the world and ask all the usual stuff which I'm sure we've all said on TP, "why did this have to happen to my mum" etc. Then I feel bad for crying cos I think, why the hell am I crying, mum's the one who's going through mental torture at the minute, my head's fine. If I could be in mum's head for just one day to see whats going on in there.

'You don't know what you've got till it's gone' .... thats very true, had I have known mum was going to become so ill, I would have done things so differently with her. I just feel so cheated that I probably wont be able to make things up to her now :(

I was always a big believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason" .... please someone tell me the reason for this then? I try stay strong but I feel I'm losing to this damn illness with each passing day.

Sorry, I feel like I hi-jacked your post but reading yours gave me the inspiration to write down what I was thinking too and just to let you know, you're not alone.

I hope I can find the strength and energy to go on and hopefully you will too Shelley.

Dont give up on your mum ;)

Take care,



Angela x
 
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Stimpfig

Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
135
0
Germany/India
Shelley: I would write that letter and read it into her ear. You will feel better for having done it.


I 'went on a brain tour' here (http://www.alz.org/brain/01.asp) that gives one a better understanding of the changes in the brain through excellent visuals.

Although I can't remember exactly (!), I think it is here I read that the ability to hear is the 'last to go' of the sensory functions.

Angela: You are not alone - I felt the same way with my mother but I noticed that when I kept at hugging her and speaking into her ear, she responded with a smile or by turning her face or uttering something. I have to say that each day is different with her; some days she's very responsive but some days are like the ones you describe. Also responses vary with time of day. My mother also responds positively towards carer/other people when moved around in the wheelchair than while lying in bed as she continues to hallucinate and sees monstors on the ceiling when supine.

From my experience, speaking into the ear slowly, clearly and soothingly is very helpful in eliciting some response. Not sure if anyone else has experienced this but worth a try, I would say.
 
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