I care for my mother who currently lives on her own about 16 miles from where I live. I help her get ready for bed each night after I finish work and get her as settled as I can. The problem I have is that often later in the evening I get a phone call from her to say she's not in her house and I must go and pick her up and take her up the road to her own house. I try and point out she's calling from her house but at the moment I'm having to drive back and get her back into bed. Sometime I need to walk her up and down the road a bit so she thinks she's been somewhere. Is this confusion usual? Does it get better? Are there any ploys I could use to stop this coming on?
Confusion .....
- Thread starter Sumsie
- Start date
Sadly this is very, very common. As it's in the evening it could well be an example of "sundowning".
It could get better, but on the other hand, it could get worse and the demand to "go home" could increase.
It could be brought on by
1) Anxiety, which leads to a desire to "go home" ie a familiar place she associates with comfort and security
2) Your mother no longer recognises the place she lives in, and thus has reached the conclusion she needs to go "home"
3) Your mother remembers a place she used to live in and wants to go back there
4) A combination of any or all of these
A similar desire to see long-dead relatives such as a parent or spouse can occur, for the same reasons.
Unfortunately, I think this is an issue that most people with dementia exhibit at some time or other, and all you can do is to offer comfort and reassurance to ease the anxiety.
There is no point in pointing out your mother's error, she will not believe you and will not understand, which will upset both you and her. It might be possible to cook up a story about recently moving to her "new house", she might believe that, she might not.
If your mother has reached this stage then I think it is time for a care assessment because there is a fair chance that eventually your mother may start to wander from the "strange place" she finds herself in in order to "go home", particularly is she is living on her own.
It could get better, but on the other hand, it could get worse and the demand to "go home" could increase.
It could be brought on by
1) Anxiety, which leads to a desire to "go home" ie a familiar place she associates with comfort and security
2) Your mother no longer recognises the place she lives in, and thus has reached the conclusion she needs to go "home"
3) Your mother remembers a place she used to live in and wants to go back there
4) A combination of any or all of these
A similar desire to see long-dead relatives such as a parent or spouse can occur, for the same reasons.
Unfortunately, I think this is an issue that most people with dementia exhibit at some time or other, and all you can do is to offer comfort and reassurance to ease the anxiety.
There is no point in pointing out your mother's error, she will not believe you and will not understand, which will upset both you and her. It might be possible to cook up a story about recently moving to her "new house", she might believe that, she might not.
If your mother has reached this stage then I think it is time for a care assessment because there is a fair chance that eventually your mother may start to wander from the "strange place" she finds herself in in order to "go home", particularly is she is living on her own.
hi Sumsie
I agree with the last post. Your mum needs to be assessed because her anxiety could increase and you can picture where this may lead - her wandering off in the darkness, getting lost and even more distress for her and especially for you.
My Dad has AD and is stopped recognising their house. he once said to our neighbour, "Can you tell me where number 7 is?" and the neighbour said, "You're standing outside it." My Dad wasn't having it. He wanted to go home and I doubt if he'd returned to his childhood home he'd have recognised it. He stopped recognising me and my brother too. Nothing we ever did or said helped my Dad and often we would make it worse and he'd get aggressive. Apparently sufferers from dementia seem to 'come alive' at sundown which is why once you're home your mum gets distrssed. Sod's law too!
Hope things work out for you and your mum.
joanne
I agree with the last post. Your mum needs to be assessed because her anxiety could increase and you can picture where this may lead - her wandering off in the darkness, getting lost and even more distress for her and especially for you.
My Dad has AD and is stopped recognising their house. he once said to our neighbour, "Can you tell me where number 7 is?" and the neighbour said, "You're standing outside it." My Dad wasn't having it. He wanted to go home and I doubt if he'd returned to his childhood home he'd have recognised it. He stopped recognising me and my brother too. Nothing we ever did or said helped my Dad and often we would make it worse and he'd get aggressive. Apparently sufferers from dementia seem to 'come alive' at sundown which is why once you're home your mum gets distrssed. Sod's law too!
Hope things work out for you and your mum.
joanne
Confusion
Hi Sumsie
My Mum has sadly just reached the same stage; she no longer recognises her home or her husband and feels she's being kept prisoner. Her anxiety is enormous. She went walkabout yesterday for 2 hrs and was found 7m in the town centre by a policeman. We're currently awaiting a reassessment of her condition to try to find out what can be done to help. Her confusion seems to be lasting all day but she settles down in the evening. She's with it enough to know something's not quite right and is accepting of medical help.
Wishing you luck.
Sue
Hi Sumsie
My Mum has sadly just reached the same stage; she no longer recognises her home or her husband and feels she's being kept prisoner. Her anxiety is enormous. She went walkabout yesterday for 2 hrs and was found 7m in the town centre by a policeman. We're currently awaiting a reassessment of her condition to try to find out what can be done to help. Her confusion seems to be lasting all day but she settles down in the evening. She's with it enough to know something's not quite right and is accepting of medical help.
Wishing you luck.
Sue
If your mum is not actually leaving the house you could try just agreeing that you will be over soon to help....but not actually go! She may forget the 'problem' once she is assured that you will sort it out. I would find a good phrase to use consistently, like 'I'll sort it out, it'll be fine'.
Of course, she may just keep ringing until you get there...but if you can develop a strategy to keep her happy and safe without you having to go over to her every time then it will pay dividends if she starts making those calls in the middle of the night....
I agree that it might be time to get more help too.
Best wishes
Snip
Of course, she may just keep ringing until you get there...but if you can develop a strategy to keep her happy and safe without you having to go over to her every time then it will pay dividends if she starts making those calls in the middle of the night....
I agree that it might be time to get more help too.
Best wishes
Snip