Sad day - had to have MIL sectioned

[nbfb]

Well we have just got back from FIL's place. A sad day for husband as he had to sign the papers for his mother to be sectioned tomorrow. They are both going to take her to the hospital tomorrow and I just had to go and pack her case. She won't be coming back and I had to write her name on all her clothes, her knickers and vests. It seems so final, although I know it is the best thing for her as we cannot cope with the very rapid deterioration. The last weekend was awful and I knew we wouldn't make it to the end of the week. We just picked her up off the bedroom floor before we left - she had climbed out to sleep on the floor in a foetal position. Terrible, terrible.
I can hear ***sobbing now.
I know we are not the first family to go through this - many of you have already. We are dreading telling the vultures - I am sure they are going to "kick off". I already had "I don't want to hear any more of the details as it upsets me, her children shouldn't have to hear this". Bah!

On a sad but happy note, both the CPN and the doctor cried along with FIL and husband. It seems that there are kind people out there and it is comforting to know that these people can be sad about the loss of the real person and not just see a problem even when it must be commonplace for them.

Wish us luck for the next few difficult days.

NBFB

 

[julieann15]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to see that this has happened- sending my love and best wishes at this difficult time for you all

Julie xx

 

[living in hope]

Hi
It will be a very difficult time for all of you but try and stick together and help each other through, thinking of you
Love
Lorraine

 

[Helen33]

Hello NBFB

I will be thinking of you all and wishing you well. I can only imagine how difficult this must be and I trust you will be given the strength to cope with all that it will involve.

Love and best wishes

 

[Skye]

Dear nbfb

What a sad time for you nd your husband, especially as you have no support from the rest of the family.

Tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day for you, I'll be thinking about you all.

Love,

 

[connie]

Such unhappy, difficult times, but quite understand your position.

Please, just never feel guilty. You have done everything that you could. Sometimes we have to admit that more care than we can possibly provide ourselves is needed, for their safety and comfort.

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. Stay strong. Love n'hugs.

 

[Sandy]

Hi NBFB,

It's amazing to think that only about a fortnight ago you wrote:

FIL is ready to let her go into the local mental hospital if they suggest it but I know that nothing will change, where do we go from here? We must make some progress.

It just shows how difficult it is to try and predict the course of events.

Even though the next few weeks may be quite difficult, hopefully when you look back in a year's time or so, you might be able to see it as a route to progress of a kind.

Your MIL will hopefully be stabilised as much as medication will allow and your FIL will have some respite. The next steps should be able to be thought about without that terrible daily pressure of 24/7 care.

That is a wonderful observation about being touched by the overt expressions of concern and sympathy from the CPN and doctor.

Try not to worry about the reaction of the other family members, you know that you've done your best. If they are shallow and immature people who can't deal with the illness of their parents, that's not your responsibility.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[Grannie G]

Dear nbfb

I`m so sorry it had to come to this but know a Section only happens when there is no alternative.
It will be a trauma for you tomorrow and loving thoughts and sympathy from all of us will be with you.

 

[Nebiroth]

I'm so sorry to hear that it has had to come to this. My father had to be Sectioned last year after a sudden deterioration left him no longer recognising my mother, myself, or his home and becoming very aggressive. Our experience was even more traumatic because it was all done in the evening with the consultant, doctor and social worker calling (although the "nearest relative can apply for a Section, it is preferred for an approved social worker to do it for obvious reasons). My father was still aware enough to realise what was happening and to resist - fortunately when the ambulance arrived the uniforms did the trick and he went like a lamb, poor soul.

Sadly there comes a point where families just can't cope, and professional care is needed for the health of EVERYONE concerned.

Once my father was in hospital there was a curious mix of guilt at having to have him "put away" but relief that we no longer had to try and cope with his delusions and aggression.

It was touching to hear how upset the CPN and doctor were. Our family GP visited us twice after the sectioning (without us having to ask) and gave my mother a big hug saying "I'm so sorry, my dear, but you must remember - this is no longer the man you married".

I am sure that doctors and nurses feel enormous frustration and helplessness in the face of this evil disease.

All you can do is keep in mind that this is now the only possible course of action.

 

[nbfb]

thank you for your lovely messages of support

I am sitting here in work fighting back the tears as I think of what is happening. *** rang me a bit earlier to say that after he has given MIL a bit of lunch they are going. She thinks that she is off to Chapel poor dab. Apparantly she fell five times through the night when wandering around. The sleeping pill didn't work obviously.

I have a contact or two at the unit - I am hoping that it will help. I guess we don't know what to expect butI will know more later, although husband is finding it overwhelming and difficult to talk about. It is a thin line between asking and pushing I guess.

"Also if you meet her on the ward, introduce yourselves and say you are related to me. Sad as it is, it will get her better care. You could also casually mention me to any of the nurses, a sort of 'Do you know **********? she works at this hospital' I don't know many of them over there, as its no longer my field, but it lets them know that you have someone on your side that knows the policies and procedures they must abide by".

I think this made me feel worse although it is well intentioned. Sorry to moan, feeling a bit upset.
Going outside to sit in the sun for a bit, a garden always lifts my spirits.
nbfb