Do any other carers get these physical symptoms?

[Mjaqmac]

Hi All

This might be an odd question but it seems when you think that only something is happening to you then it usually works out it's happening to others. I don't know if this is an anxiety thing but since January I have been having these horrible feelings of what I can only describe as deja vu follwed by a sick feeling in my stomach like I'm on a rollercoaster, I told the doctor about it in Jan but she said it was exhaustion. Has anyone else had experience of this through exhaustion as a carer?
Thanks.

 

[Bookworm]

Meaning of feelings?

Hi All

This might be an odd question but it seems when you think that only something is happening to you then it usually works out it's happening to others. I don't know if this is an anxiety thing but since January I have been having these horrible feelings of what I can only describe as deja vu follwed by a sick feeling in my stomach like I'm on a rollercoaster, I told the doctor about it in Jan but she said it was exhaustion. Has anyone else had experience of this through exhaustion as a carer?
Thanks.

I don't know if my similar symptoms equate - no nausea but roller coaster a bit, & a cold hand gripping my heart & a tear always at the ready.......I call it grief.....loss.....fear of the unknown. But most especially a modified form of bereavement - all stretched out over months & years....little parts of my life with my husband dying each day, things i took for granted no longer secure. Is this any help or is this quite different?

 

[Clive]

Hi Mjaqmac

This sounds a bit like I felt every time my phone rang. A horrible feeling came in the pit of the stomach. All my muscles tightened and my brain screamed “Oh dear… here we go again… what has happened to mum now.

I would answer the phone and, instead of feeling relief that it was NOT about mum, I would feel very annoyed that anyone else should want to phone me and block the line… just in case mum was trying to contact me.

Instead of relaxing and enjoying a conversation I would just want to terminate the call… and get back to worrying about when the phone would ring again.

I don’t think you are alone. It comes with the territory when you are Caring for someone with dementia.

Best wishes

Clive

 

[Helen33]

Hello Magic

I can remember posting not long ago about feelings of anxiety/panic which I have never had before. It was a bit like what Clive was saying about when the phone rang I would feel like a strong knot in my stomach and a tightening of the chest and I could hardly breath. I thought it was because I could not deal with another thing and was afraid that something would happen which I could not deal with and then everything that I am balancing would collapse.

I dealt with it by trying to breath the feelings out as soon as they came rather than feeding the feelings. For me it worked but I had to make a definite effort to do this each time because if I didn't let them go straight away it was like they took root I am having the feelings just typing this and remembering. It is awful.

Love

 

[Bookworm]

Helen is right

I am having the feelings just typing this and remembering. It is awful.

I agree Helen & I get the feelings just reading this!

 

[Amber 5]

Yes! I have recently been thinking about asking the same thing. I felt sure that others must be going through this, but now I know.

I have lost half a stone recently without even trying and that feeling in the pit of your stomach is never far away. A couple of weeks ago it was there constantly and I kept crying at the drop of a hat. It has left me dreading the phone ringing, even though I know it will be my mum wanting a chat - the same chat we have three times a day (or more). I feel guilty for feeling this dread as all I want to do is to help her as much as possible. I've even started taking the phone off the hook at bed time though, as I was wearing myself out not sleeping and worrying about whether she would phone during the night.

I know many people wish they had their mum still around to worry about, so I feel terrible admitting these things. It's not that I don't want mum around, it's just learning to cope with the new life I now have since mum's decline and diagnosis. Also worrying about what will happen next and the stress of finding somewhere suitable for her to move to. The feeling of grief is so strong sometimes, losing mum slowly - ever so slowly and the unpredictable future. I seem to have lost any cheerfulness too. It must be awful for my husband and daughters - I need to get a grip.

Sorry to go on, but yes!! I can definately relate to what you describe, sympathise and hope that we can learn to deal with it.

Take care.
love Gill xx

T

 

[Starshine]

Oh YES

Just had to say I am releived too, I thought I was just going barmy, the dread of the phones, do you know even now Mums not here if the phone rings the same dread is there, the tenseness and the fear daft eh! but the worse is the tensness I can't seem to shed, I remember rushing round at full pelt with everything caring for Mum and used to end up so tense by the evening, my neck felt as if it wasn't supported, sadly still have that awful feeling, I am hoping it will go eventually, hopefully I haven't put permanent strain on, BUT I so feel for everyone still going through the sheer hard work of it all, NHS should be caring for each and every one of us carer's (maybe free sessions at local saunas, gyms with massages thorwn in eh! - NO I am not joking - but Yes I guess its a joke - SHAME) we are taking so much strain and pressure with our loved ones caring. Good Luck everyone.
Starshine x

 

[Donalda]

Love

gripping my heart & a tear always at the ready.......I call it grief.....loss.....fear of the unknown
Feels good to talk about it. People do not seem to realize the pain of seeing your loved one changing everyday.
Geel I would need a hug right now.!!!!
DonaldaXXXXX

 

[Cl13]

Hi, I have felt completely out of control 3times, 1st was the day the hospice phoned to say my dad had died, I was at least 1.1/2hrs away, mum was completely on her own, I just froze, shaking,
and phisically sick all over and I was on my own, it wasn't until after I'd stopped being sick that I was able to get hold of my husband who was out at the time.

2nd the day the hospital phoned to say they had mum and she couldn't be on her own, I was the realization of months of speculation as to what was wrong with her, I was sick 3times on the hard shoulder on the M6 and again as soon as the care door opened at home,

3rd, I was coming out of Tesco's a week after I brought mum to live with us I'd left her in the shop in her wheelchair with the security man, and there he was " Arrrg the bl...y car park warden"
I'd forgotten to put my blue badge out, so there he was printing out a my £70 ticket, I was so angry I through the shopping out of the disability trolly that I'd just removed from mums chair, into the boot of the car
I finally got mum and just sat in the car and cried like a baby,
and again as soon as I got out of the car at home I was sick all over again,

By4now Love Lynn

 

[evedan]

Feelings

By the sounds of it we all get this dreadful guilty feeling of wishing everything could be NORMAL...I do not answer the phone now until 6-30pm as it was getting to the point where i wanted to YELL PLEASE STOP PHONING ME so even however many times mum phones she never querries why i don't answer so that made me feel less quilty......reason being she does not remember she is doing it.Now i smile and say to my husband QUOTE..It is keeping her occupied and giving her something to do!!!!!I am not being horrible in saying that but at the end of the day we do have to think of our health.So you are not alone but we all do our best.. Sorry for rambling on but it helps to talk...

take care
Eve

 

[Mjaqmac]

Thanks everyone for sharing, I don't feel so loopy now as it's happened to others. I suppose we are just ordinary people having normal reactions to a very abnormal situation.
I think it's the fear of change and loss, the uncertainty of everyday that is behind the ever-present anxiety monster that seems to hide inside of us reminding us we are not the masters of our lives, this disease is.

 

[puddin'ead]

Thanks Mjaqmac for asking the question, and everyone who answered, I don't know whether to be glad or not I'm not alone :/

 

[Helen33]

Evening Magic

we are not the masters of our lives, this disease is.

I would find it very hard to accept this Magic. I know my husband has this disease but I do not see it as the master of his life. I do not see it as the master of mine either.

I don't suppose anyone has noticed but I have never referred to the disease as 'his or her disease'. I always refer to it as impersonal. It is so important to me not to 'own' it. Many people when making reference say "my husband's/wife' Alzheimers etc. etc.

Forgive me Magic for going on

Love

 

[Iainwh]

When was the last time you couldn't give a flying fig if you lived or died?

Just thought I would ask!

 

[lindsaybaigent]

Living or dying...

The living/dying thing doesn't seem so important....
Just want to be able to sleep for ever...
But only sometimes.

 

[Mjaqmac]

Hi Helen

I suppose I feel like this disease is my master because it has been dictating my life to me and how it's going to be lived since 2000. I watched it claim my mother and went a bit mad along with her on her journey then i thought I was free, got married and had a child and it came back to claim my dad, because of dad's illness I have not been able to have the freedom to enjoy my marriage as I would like, there are many limitations to what we can do because of dad, nor can I be with my child as I would like, For example my husband will be taking him to his first family party with other kids tonight in one of those funworks factory places and I cannot go because I have to stay with dad, I couldn't take him as the kids screaming would drive him nuts and he will needs pads changed etc as he is on a laxative. I have been a carer for 22 years now (my mother had several other illnesses and I had to give up work at 21, a promising career, to look after her) it's all I've known and frankly I despise my way of life, I want to be free yet I love my parents and have to do right by them or I would not be able to live with myself.
These are some of the reasons I feel like this disease is like a huge chain around my neck and is dictating to me, even in moments of peace my stomach is taking huge lurges as my dad is progressing very fast now and I know soon I may have to make decisions that will crucify me if I cannot continue to cope with him and my toddler together, it's such a very hard day, everyday, as I know it is for almost everyone on TP, it's no wonder some of us are in a state of high anxiety!

 

[Margarita]

I think it's the fear of change and loss, the uncertainty of everyday that is behind the ever-present anxiety monster that seems to hide inside of us reminding us we are not the masters of our lives, this disease is.

I get those anxiety attacks, but only when someone talking about my mother AZ from when she was first diagnosed, disagreeing with me on my mother diagnose from a brain scan .

I get a rush of epinephrine that increases that feeling of "fight or flight" response . If I do not walk away , just keep listening I have to fight it, end up with anxiety attack, but the moment does pass.

If I think of how my mother Demetria changes over the year I just feel sad, but it does not bring on an anxiety attack.

 

[Skye]

, I want to be free yet I love my parents and have to do right by them or I would not be able to live with myself.
These are some of the reasons I feel like this disease is like a huge chain around my neck and is dictating to me, even in moments of peace my stomach is taking huge lurges as my dad is progressing very fast now and I know soon I may have to make decisions that will crucify me if I cannot continue to cope with him and my toddler together,

Hi Magic

Do you think the day is near when you have to make that decision? It sounds as if it is.

Of course you want to do your best for your dad, but maybe that 'best' is to let someone else take the strain now?

You have coped with so much -- 22 years is mind-boggling! You deserve to enjoy your marriage and your son. You shouldn't have to miss out on the fun of watching him grow up. Your dad is important, but so are they, and they need you too.

It sounds as if your own health is suffering, and that's not good for any of you.

I know it's a hard decision, but you wouldn't be abandoning your dad. You would be able to enjoy quality time with him when you visit, and have time for your own family.

I'm not trying to persuade you, it has to be your decision. But please think about it.

Love,

 

[Margarita]

From reading your post 16 Mjaqmac , sounds like your fighting it also to tolerate the situation your in . no wonder you end up with an anxiety attack.

Main thing is to recognize it, keep talking typing out when you think, feel about it .

 

[Pollypusscat]

Hi!

What really makes me sad is how many people suffer for so long in silence thinking that they are the only ones having these kinds of feelings. I did. And although I don't like to think of you and others feeling so badly, in some little way it helps to know I'm not alone.

I haven't been in the situation very long, but I'm being pressured (gently) to go back to work and have issues there as well. However, I have found some help through counselling - just an hour a week, but it's surprising what comes out of that. And, I have finally given in to coaxing from GP and the Dr at work to try antidepressants - and my goodness, they're working!

My problems haven't changed, but I feel more able to deal with them and feel more in control. It's something coming from inside - the world outside is still the same, but I'm 'me' again. I know it's not for everyone, but I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss them in the future.

Take care
Best wishes
PollyPC