Father in denial ???

[kianfan1712]

Hello,

I am new here and was hoping to get some advice.

For the last 2 years or so my fathers mental health had gone down hill. All the clasic signs I have read about for dementia / alzheimers are clearly there.

2 years ago when I first started noticing things weren't quite right I told my mum we should speak to his GP. I was told in no uncertain terms NO !!!!

Anyway 2 years on and things are deteriorating fast and my mum is now at the end of her tether. She has spoke very briefly to the GP who says bring him in and we can discuss things.

This is where the problems start, we try approaching the subject with him and he is complete and utter denial that there is anything wrong with him and that we are simply ganging up on him and trying to get him put in a home so my mum can have the house to herself.

My mum is not in the best of health herself although mentally she is all there and the way things are going at the moment it is only a matter of time till she ends up in hospital due to the problems she is facing on a daily basis. She is now beginning to think that maybe I was right 2 years ago and should have spoken up then.

I do have a brother who lives local and up until recently he too has not wanted me to do anything about this situation, think he thought by ignoring it then it may go away.

The advice I am looking for is how do people deal with situations like this when the parent is in complete denial ?? I am so tempted to go behind everyones back and go directly to the GP myself and face the concequences later.

Many thanks

 

[Vonny]

Hi, and welcome to Talking Point

I am so tempted to go behind everyones back and go directly to the GP myself and face the concequences later.

This is what many people have had to do. It is possible that the doctor can call your dad in under some pretext or other without giving away your involvement.

It's worth writing down all the things you think are relevant and try to keep a diary of events so the doctor has a clear picture of the problem.

If you can get your brother onside it would help because if your dad does have dementia it's going to become more difficult (sorry! ) as the disease progresses and you and your mum are going to need all the support you can get.

Best of luck and there will be others along soon who may have other strategies up their sleeves.

Keep posting and good luck

Vonny xx

 

[devon-lad]

Same Boat

Kianfan hi

I am so much like you, my dad seems not to realise he has a problem and my mum , i think, is too affraid to approach the subject.

I also am tempted to go behind their backs and to talk to the doctor and my auntie, and also bear the results.

my blog sounds so much like you, please have a quick look and see if you identify the same things.

would you mind me adding you as a friend because it seems like we are both starting a journey from the same starting point.

we could exchange ideas and feelings. im sure i feel the same as you, we both want to help our family but dont know where to start

regards

Andrew

 

[KenC]

This illness has a lot of things going against one way or another, and sadly its past and present record is something that many do not like.

It is now one of if not the most feared illnesses there is because it is untreatable, along with the fact that, dementia is something that a lot of people really do not want to talk about, because of its Stigma.

Many elderly people can remember about what happened to people with dementia in the past, and it is something that they never want to talk about, never mind about thinking it is in their family.

I was once told that if I could say its name I was helping myself to cope with the illness, but many refuse to accept they have it because they are terrified of the unknown, or in some cases what they know will happen.

But it is well known that everyone goes down this route a different way, and each person is effected by the illness in many different ways, so nothing is as predictable as we assume.

Never the less we would rather not have this illness.

If you at all worried then speak to her doctor, and explain what your problems and worries are, and try to get your brother on board as support if you can.

Best Wishes

Ken

 

[JPG1]

Dear KenC,

When cancer used to be called The Big C, the world sat up and took notice of it.

There was then a lot of fear too about cancer, because it was considered untreatable then. Nobody wanted to talk about cancer then, just as they don’t want to talk about dementia today.

Research funding went then into cancer research, and more. Since then, enormous progress has been made into diagnosing, treatment and care of cancer related problems.

Same with HIV and AIDs – both then unmentionable. But since when it became mentionable, it came to be considered and researched and accepted as ... a serious medical condition.

Has the time now come for Dementia to be called The Big D?

So that the wider world might, at long last, sit up and take notice.

Just wanting the wider world to wake up and at long last, take notice of this thing called Dementia.

Thanks, KenC, for your thought-provoking post!

.

 

[kianfan1712]

Very Big THANK YOU

I would just like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and reply to my first post here. It makes me realise I am not alone in my situation and the feelings I am having.

THANK YOU SO MUCH

 

[Iainwh]

Has the time now come for Dementia to be called The Big D?

So that the wider world might, at long last, sit up and take notice.

nah, calling it the big D will make people you are thinking of a pack of nuts down the pub.

 

[Cl13]

Hi and welcome to TP sorry I missed you yesterday, long story,
You are in a difficult situation it was easier for me as mum had had a breakdown and could not be on her own and so came to us.
I just told mum I was going to the Drs and she came with me, she didn;t realizse she was the problem untill I was crying in the surgery, it was then all out in the open, Dr arranged for consultant and social worker, once you've reached this point you cas access help in the form of meds, apply for help at home, day care ect, every-ones needs are different ofcourse but this help starts in the same way for all of us,
Take care and by4now Lynn