Don't know what to do!

[katdan]

When we visited last night he was agitated again, he thought we were all in America! I think that he thought my brother was in the Secret Service. When I spoke to the nurse she told me that on Sunday he was very agitated and wandersome, there is a sign on the door asking to keep it closed as he went walkabout. The worst thing was that she said he had got hold of a walking aid and was trying to hit people with it because they would not let him go out to his wife - Mum passed away three years ago.

The most upsetting thing for me was that when I was leaving I asked him for a kiss as I always do and he would not let me kiss him, he said NO loudly and turned his face away.
I feel as though I have lost my Dad and that there is another person inside him.

Speak soon

Katdan
x

 

[jenniferpa]

I am sorry katdan. All I can say is that this disease can be so variable that when you visit next he may well not be like this at all. Not that that is probably of much comfort.

 

[Squibbs]

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with your Dad. As I wrote before my Dad went into an EMI nursing home a week ago and I can honestly say he has totally settled there. He looks cleaner and more cared for than he has for the past 3 years and hasn't asked about 'home' once. On the down side he doesn't seem to know us now - he looks pleased to see us but is not sure who we are and if I try to hold his hand he looks embarrassed and moves his hand away. I'm telling you this because if you do have to make the decision to admit your father to residential care it isn't necessarily bad news. We feel that we have done the best we can for him and us (I have slept better in the past week than I have for 2 years previously) Just try to find the best home you can for your father's needs and dont let the hospital rush you! Good luck! - Sue

 

[katdan]

Help

Can anyone tell me if one of the symptoms of vascular dementia is hearing voices. Dad seems to listen to someone and asks us if we hear "him". He then does things as "he" tells him. Last night when we visited he said that there was a bomb in the hospital and was on his way out of the ward, only that my brother and I were walking down the corridor I don't know where he would have ended up.

I have lost my Dad today
He has not died or gone away
Dementia has taken him from me
He is not my Dad that I see

Katdan

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I don't know about vascular dementia, but my mother certainly had hallucinations with her Alzheimer's. She once referred to the "little girl in the house". Of course, there was no little girl anywhere. So I think hallucinations are part & parcel of dementia, but not everyone will suffer from them.

 

[Margaret W]

Dear folks, been through all this, you have to fight your corner sometimes. I don't have the worry any more cos mum died in November, suddenly, but the previous 18 months were distressing for us all.

No, you don't have the services of a social worker if you are privately funded, unless there is some extreme reason such as abuse in the care home. It is all down to you. You negotiate your own care plan for your parent (not having a clue what should be discussed or included) and at the 6-monthly review meetings you are entirely on your own. It is a disgrace. So an old person with some money and no living relatives (or no relatives who are interested in her or him) has no support at all. I don't pretend to understand it, but have written to my MP on more than one occasion and the best reply I got was that since Labour came to power my mother had no need to pay for anything other than "hotel costs". I asked him to direct me to the nearest hotel that would wake me in the morning, get me dressed, give me my medication, help me out if I had "the runs", call a doctor for me when necessary, phone my relatives when needed, chat to me, give me cuddles, provide me with activities in the afternoon, undress me and put me to bed, but he didn't make any suggestions. Oh, and I forgot, that would monitor my movements all night while I was wandering up and down the corridors in a state of confusion.

Silly man.

Good luck

Margaret

 

[katdan]

Good News

Just to let you know that Dad has improved greatly, he no longer hears voices and has calmed down and he is not so agitated or agressive - thank God. He is still in hospital on a medical ward but there is nothing medically wrong with him. We have been told that he needs to go to another hospital to be assessed but they will not accept him until a psychatrist at the hospital he is in at the moment has seen him to say he is ok to go. We have been waiting a while for someone to see him and as he is medically well I can't see why there has been a delay. I am concerned that Dad may contract something while he is on the ward.

I will keep you informed.

Katdan
x

 

[living in hope]

Hi
Glad your dad is better and that he is going somewhere for assessment, this must be a great relief for you, I wish you, your dad and your family all the best and hope the assessment brings the best outcome for you all.
Love
Lorraine

 

[katdan]

Thanks Lorraine I will let you know how we go on, hopefully it won't take to long!

Katdan
x

 

[MarkEdge]

Now the hospital have told us he is ready to be discharged and needs to go to an EMI registered nursing home. As he will be privately funded . . .

Hi Sue

Given that the hospital recommends a nursing home, have the PCT done a Continuing Care assessment on your Dad? Don't just assume that he needs to be privately funded.

Hi Katdan

Same really applies to your situation - the PCT should carry out a CC assessment on him first rather than SS, especially given his cognitive and behavioural issues.

Regards

Mark

 

[katdan]

More News

Dad was discharged on Tuesday, he was assessed and has gone home. He is having carers 4 times a day, first visit not until
11 ish then 1.40, 6.00 and 10.20.
Yesterday I received a call from one of dads neighbours to say that he was outside in his nightwear and was locked out. I had to leave work and go and get him from his neighbour. He did not know why he was outside. Then at 10.30pm I received another call from the carers to say that they could not get into the house. I went down but could not get in because he had but the chain on thhe front door and bolted the back door but he was in bed. I have been given something that monitors his movements which I can access on the internet. It shows which room he is in, there are no cameras just sensors but it does give me a bit more peace of mind, although sometimes it is hard to work out if it is dad or the carer who is moving about.
I am not sure if he will be able to cope at home but we will have to give it some time. The staff at Trafford General where he was assessed were very good in particular the OT team. I do not know how they do their jobs but thankfully they do a great job.
The information about the care package has been non existant
I don't think even the carer knows what he should be doing. Hopefully I will be able to meet him tomorrow and discuss dads likes and dislikes.
Thanks for being there and I will keep you informed to how he gets on.
Take Care
Katdan