My mother is going into a nursing home

erik

Registered User
Apr 7, 2007
25
0
Norway
www.pbase.com
I mentioned in another thread that my mother is going into a NH on May 6th.

I am a bit worried about how things will go on admission day. Some nursing homes seems to feel that it is necessary to inform the person moving in that they are going to live there permanently and then they insist on having a conversation with them about what expectations they have for their stay there...

Well, this is probably the politically correct way of doing things, but I hope they are sensible enough to realise that this is not allways the most practical (or compassionate) way of going about it.

Even my mother's doctor says about her: "She has no insight into her own illness and she is severely disoriented regarding her own situation"

My mother's understanding of her situation is (and has been for several years)that she's feeling "a bit under the weather" but that she'll be fine in day or two. She still thinks she pays the bills, does the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and so on. In her mind there is nothing wrong with her and telling her that she's going into a NH permanently would upset her quit a lot. (She would probably be furious actually) And what would be the point? Her short term memory is non exitant and she will not remember anything for more than a few minutes.

My mother has mixed dementia (Alzheimer and Vascular). She has severe pain from arthritis and rhumatism and she is constantly "dizzy" - caused according to her doc by restricted blood flow to the brain. When she has gone into respite care we have told her that she is going in to have her pain medication adjusted and to see if they can do something about her dizzyness. She accepts this.

I hope this is what we can do this time as well. Then we'll have to see how it goes and perhaps gradually bring some of her things and photoraphs in to try to make a home for her there.


I'll let you know how things go.

Erik
 
Last edited:

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Hi Erik

How about arranging to see the nursing home manager and talking about this?

You can explain what the doctor says, and also what your preference is for her.

In doing this you can begin to build a relationship with the team who will be caring for her and in doing so place a marker that says you want to be involved.

In so many cases relatives may not be involved from the first, and it really does help to be proactive.

It may be the home will be rigid in the way it applies any rules it has for residents - this will tell you a lot about how things may go in the future. Caring for rules more than residents is, as you say, politically correct and safe - but it is not necessarily caring, in the context of someone who has dementia.

These are all just my own thoughts, based on my experiences.
 

erik

Registered User
Apr 7, 2007
25
0
Norway
www.pbase.com
Hi Bruce,

Thanks for your reply.

You are right and I forgot to mention that I am meeting with the NH manager tomorrow. My concerns about admission day is of course one of the things I want to talk about. Other than that, I'm working on the list of questions right now ;-)

Erik
 

erik

Registered User
Apr 7, 2007
25
0
Norway
www.pbase.com
Had a very positive meeting with the NH manager today. They were very much interested in making admission as easy and painless as possible both for my mother and me so they were OK with my suggestions to do it the same way as when she has been going in for respite care.

Then we'll just have to see how she settle in and take it from there.

Hopefully things will go smoothly on Wednesday.

Erik
 
Last edited:

HelenMG

Registered User
May 1, 2008
194
0
Dublin, Ireland
Hi Erik,
I hope all goes well for you and your Mum on the 6th. We are bringing dad to his care home on the 11th. The manager is happy that we do it gently and easily for dad. It will be a tough day for me. Dad has not been in respite before, and reacted badly to day care, so he may react badly this time too though he has deteriorated much since. but I will play the "temporary" card with him and be there for him as much as possible the first few weeks, months and hopefully he will settle.
Looking forward to hearing how you get on.
Helen
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,720
0
North Derbyshire
That's good news Erik, I was myself a bit bothered by the "politically correct" approach, sounds like they will tailor it to your mum a bit more.

Hope it goes well.

Margaret
 

erik

Registered User
Apr 7, 2007
25
0
Norway
www.pbase.com
Hello again and thanks Helen and Margaret for your replies and support.

Things went as well as I could hope for yesterday. There was one nurse who seemed to want to go the "politically correct" route, welcoming my mother to her new home but I managed to pull her aside and mention what I had talked to the NH manager about the week before and things went smoothly from there.

It was of course quite emotional and I feel guilty as h... but whenever I think about it with a clear head I know it was the right thing to do.

The NH has asked us not to visit my mother for 10 - 14 days but I think I'll call them later today just to check how she's doing. It is a good NH and I have suspicion that my mother might be doing a bit better than me and my wife at the moment ;-) But I guess the real test will be when we go for our first visit in 2 weeks time...

Erik
 

erik

Registered User
Apr 7, 2007
25
0
Norway
www.pbase.com
I just called the NH to hear how M had been doing the first 24 hours. They told me she had been fine and in good spirits. However this morning she had severe muscle jerks again during breakfast and when they tried to help her she had almost passed out and had shown signs of being very confused... I suspect she might have had another TIA.

The nursing home my mother is in is part of a hospital so she really is in the best place if something happen to her.

Erik
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
0
Dear Erik

The other thing it "might" be (it was the jerking and almost passing out that made me think of this) is a seizure. This can be the result of healing brain scaring due to stroke damage. My mother was given anti-epilepsy medication to control those.
 

terry999

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
82
0
london
Hi Erik.

I know it can be a very upsetting time for both carer and the sick person.

I stayed away for about a week, was constantly worried. I got relative to visit mum; someone who she knew well.

My advice to relative was to say you're in hospital til you get better if mum asked about going home.

Stick with it, its tough but I can assure you it does get better for both you and your mum.
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
I know that nursing homes advise family to stay away for a week or two at the beginning but I never did. I don't think I could have at that point. There were times later on when I stayed away for a week or two but that was for different reasons.

Is it possible for you to go and have a peek at your mother without her seeing? That way your mother can continue to settle and you can be reassured.
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,720
0
North Derbyshire
Two weeks seems a long time to stay away. I couldn't have done that. Won't she feel abandoned? Would you stay away for that long if she were in hospital? 3 or 4 days I would say, and then a short visit, pretend you have an appointment to get to, the same a few days later. You have to think of the poor lady, she is important. 4 days I think is long enough. Anyway, she still thinks it is temporary, so there is no reason for a long gap in visiting.

Hope it was not another TIA, or worse, not sure what a seizure is. Thought it was a Stroke, so hope not also.

Let us know how she goes on. It's almost like my own mum. I miss visiting her.

love

Margaret
 

HelenMG

Registered User
May 1, 2008
194
0
Dublin, Ireland
Hi Erik,
I have been thinking of you this week as we plan for dad to move into a care home on Monday - May 11th. I have arranged with the home to let me stay over in their visitors room for a night or two and to be there during the day (I am sure they think I am being over anxious!!), I plan to stay in the background as much as possible , but to be there to reassure Dad if he gets distressed - or to help persude him to do some activities or to enjoy the lovely surroundings. I reckon it will still be tough on him (and me) though. Hopefully he will settle and we can progress from there. The nursing home manager said to me today though that I have to be strong so I am trying to be as objective as I can and to let them do their job too.
Big hug
Helen