Falling apart

[imac.girll1]

Well today was a bad one again, it seems to be a pattern right now, hardly a decent day at all lately.

It was lunch club day and after much chat last night stating that i would waken her, mother still got up at 7.15am, i had set the alarm at 8.30am hoping to try and rest a little.

She woke me then and i asked her to go back to bed, which she didnt, anyway i refused to get up until around 8.30, i just lay and watched the news.

Then knocks on door and calling for me to get up, which i did. Wish I hadnt!

Found her dressed in her cropped summer linen trousers, socks and her arthritic shoes, with a brand new blouse on, which i had put in her holiday cupboard for the holidays. It would be nice for her to have some clothing without food marks down them!

I asked her if she would change and explained that the trousers werent warm enough, (its very bitter right now here), and the blouse wasnt practical for the lunch club. Off she went in a huff.

I had already stated that i would look out her clothes for her, or help what ever she wanted, but no that wasnt good enough.

I then asked her why she was up so early, well i have to get breakfast at the club, i said yes but thats not until 10am, no no its 9am i have to be there!

I then asked her if she had her lunchtime tablets that i gave her the night before in the container in her bag, yes she brings it out with a massive amount of other tablets in the container!!!!

What are all those other tablets in there for? I ask. Well i have to take my tablets with breakfast, was the answer, i said i agree but you take them before we go out and then within 7-10 minutes you have breakfast at the club. Well i will take them when i get there, i said you cant as you have your lunchtime ones there aswell.

She says i know what ones to take! no you dont i'm sorry. I then had to go and work out all the little white ones so that she could take them, but while doing this i fell apart in the kitchen, and sat on the floor screaming, not just crying but really screaming, i have never done this in my life before, and all i got from the other room was stop making all that noise and whats the problem, which seemed to make me worse and i screamed even more.

It must have taken me over 15 minutes to pull myself together to sort out tablets, and all through this episode, mother sat saying hurry up i am going to be late!

She just couldnt understand, which i know she cant but it seems such a turnaround since even last week, i think she may have had another mini stroke as her whole being has gone down hill!

I took her down to the centre, and the manager caught me and said could i have a word, and i thought oh no what now?!!?!?!?

She took me to a side room, felt like going to the headmasters room!

OK whats the matter, i was like what, what do you mean?

YOU LOOK TERRIBLE, whats going on!

I explained what had happened and within a few minutes she turned round and said well would another day help and give you some more space, i can place mother in here tomorrow (thursday), if thats a help, i said that would be great, she said then, but not just tomorrow permanently Wednesday and Thursdays!

Ok its more expense but right now its worth it, although i am not sure of 2 mornings of her getting up at the crack of dawn episodes either.

Anyway not sure what else i can say but i am ok, and hope that all others are to.

Hugs and love to all,

xxxx

 

[Helen33]

Hello iMac

I am sorry that you are really feeling the strain at the moment but glad that the lady at the Day Centre noticed which led to some more assistance with care I suspect iMac that the mornings could be a longer term issue because your mum can't change. Have you thought about getting in an early morning carer to help with dressing and preparing your mum for the day? If you don't get some early morning assistance, I imagine you are going to have to re-structure your day in order to be able to be up when mum is!!

I really hope that your mum benefits from the extra day care and that you get some space especially as you are still working.

Love and a ((((HUG))))

 

[Annoula]

i am sorry about all that. i cant understand what you've been through.

when i start getting angry i sometimes start saying to myself "patience..patience".. or when i am being cynical i start saying "ommmmm".

but there are times that i only shout, swear and all the rest...

i hope you get some rest from all this.


take care!

 

[Vonny]

Hi iMac,

You are having a rough time. Have you seen the doctor? About yourself I mean? We can only take so much and you are at breaking point my love, and I think you need a break if possible, if not, at least some more help.

The good side is your mum clearly enjoys her time at the day centre, now it's time to look to sorting yourself out. PLEASE get yourself to the doctor. If you fly apart, what is going to happen to your mum.

Sending you huge (((HUGS)))

Vonny xxx

 

[imac.girll1]

Thanks to all for your kind words.

Its all been a little strained since i picked her up and brought her home, but i explained that if things continue i wont be able to cope, and i understand that she cant help herself at times, but to try a little harder to be patient.

Shes a little miffed at going a second day and doesnt understand why she is going 2 days running. This might be a short term thing as some of the clients at the centre are much much worse and i am wondering if some of this behaviour is being copy cat 'ed towards me.

Anyway I am going to be taking down some left over craft bits that i wont be using and hopefully this is someething that the clients and mother will enjoy.

I amstocking up on some small scrapbooks and pictures and things to take on holiday with us to sit and do at night time and am taking a scrabble board with us also.

Once again thanks to all for your kind words, it is most appreciated. I know i lost it today but maybe this is something that had to happen to me, as for some strange reason i now feel able to deal with things again, let alone the extra day.

Hugs and love to all,

iMac

xxxx

 

[Helen33]

Hi iMac

When are you going on holiday? I love scrabble but haven't played it for ages because Alan can't now and he wouldn't have wanted to before!!

Sleep tight.

Love

 

[Sandy]

Hi imac,

Good news about the extra day, but I can see what you mean about the morning routine.

What you described reminded me very much of the process of getting out the door and off to school when my daughter was about 6 - except she never got up before me.

I don't know if there is a solution for changing the time your mum gets up. Even if you were to put a post-it note on her clock saying "Lunch club day - no need to get up until 8:30" it might fail on a number of counts.

Many people have an internal clock and when they're ready to get up, that's it - a note saying stay in bed for another hour isn't always welcome.

I think the getting dressed issue may be easier to deal with by laying out some clothes (that you pick out together) the night before. That way your mother can feel independent in her ability to get up and get dressed, but you will have had some input into the process if necessary. Things might need to be adjusted for dramatic weather changes, but that's true for everyone.

I can understand what you say about wanting your mother to look "reasonable" when she goes out, but sometimes it's not worth the fallout (and the undermining of her confidence) to change just because an item is a little on the well-worn side.

It's all a series of trade-offs - Life, the Universe and Everything (not just dementia).

Take care,

Sandy

 

[imac.girll1]

Thanks Sandy,

I always leave her clothes out the night before with discussion with her what she might like to wear, but yesterday was one of the cases that she was in a cantakerous mood and nothing was going to suffice.

Having dealt with this for some time now, and of course having looked after my father with the same thing for 3 years, there are times i am just tired of the whole thing and yesterday was one of those days!

Once again thanks to all for their input and hugs.

iMac x

 

[JJP]

I understand completely, I went through similar times with my mum, less so with my dad - sometimes it just all gets too much. I know you know this but...you need a break! any chance anyone can help our for a day while you get out of the house and have a complete change of scenery with no mum to look after? Sometimes you just need that time...

The extra day centre should help massively, my mum was very resistant to going but god the relief when it went up to another day. You really really need to look after yourself, try and turn off your 'mum worrying' brain (very difficult i know)when shes away and dont do work or tidying, relax.

good luck

 

[hazytron]

Hi iMAC
So sorry you had such a difficult day yesterday, hope today will be better. I suspect that build up of pressure will have been felt by us all, at one time or another, and I think it is a good thing that you let it all out!!
Let us know how today has been.
Thinking of you
Hazel