Absolutism
Hazel,
No offense taken, I was thinking today it must be that time of the month, I'm offending people again and getting hurt by their expected and quite justified responses (sorry to those who hate talking about such things) But its been medically proven that women think differently at such times, (see:
http://physorg.com/news7524.html ) and although some can control it I have extreme and I mean extreme difficulties, I've always had troubles with hormones and this worries me in light of Dad's condition.....
I should have recognised the symptoms last night when I was on such a huge high (completely natural, I don't do drugs because my brain is messed up enough) I also pigged out on biscuits today the last time I did that was a month ago.
Yes Brucie I become absolutely absolutist at such times (not always a bad thing, too much compromising sometimes can get people in trouble, but...). I recognise that being absolutist is the incorrect tact to take here, I do try to soften my views with the 'here's a different view' and all that, but still I'm too forceful at times I know. I do try not to be.
So please everyone bear in mind that I am very 'absolute' once a month and don't dare tease me about it until about 6 days afterwards, okay??? Gentle with any responses I'm very fragile at the moment, but then I deserve the same harshness i give out don't i?
Either way I'm happy now because that other view got put out there.
To put it in perspective, let me tell you some evil historical background to me. I was very tentative about joining this forum because I have been a member of a similar forum before but the other one was to do with being a step-mother. Anyway I offended a lot of people for sticking up for the step-children (people on it kept saying it was okay to not to try and be nice to their steps, it was scarey what they said about these children
) I've had a lot of majorly stressful times with my step-daughter but could not would not, yes I was being absolute, stand for this opinion to not be questioned. I could understand the step-mothers frustrations, I'd been there, I am there, but like sometimes on here I kept being told by everyone that 'I didn't understand and that I was just fortunate I was so strong.' I'm not fortunate it sucks having to be strong all the time, it means I do a whole lot of giving and yet regularly I don't get a return on it, (no Hazel the amount I get returns on it is far less than what I give out). I have however been programmed by two parents that insisted I be strong. To cut a long story short I was asked not too nicely to leave that 'private' forum.
I am delighted to say that ATP is
completely different and I am glad I am able to put my view across. Believe me I do try not to offend.
I am sorry I have difficulties not understanding those who can't be as 'strong' as me, because I wasn't born this way I learnt it, so I have difficulties understanding why others can't, I had to go through hell to get here, (I guess I'm a little jealous of people who haven't been forced to be this strong)....but then childhood programming is so more successful than adult training. Please though also be aware that I am only 'strong' on the surface when i feel I have to be, I'm the same scared little girl on the inside who wants her Dad back.
I guess all those lonely folk got to my heightened emotions this week, and with with the shock of Jenny's death notice last week, the messages about Christmas were all too much for me.
Please recognise that I do try to do what is right, its oh so important to me...as you will have guessed,...I do think about the consequences of being wrong and of hurting others, I suffer deeply when I do realise I have hurt people, or if they think I have meant to or didn't care. I will say this though that the world needs people like me, because I fight hard and strong for those who can't, I refuse to buckle. I am a good friend to have when times are tough and I never expect anything in return. Its very lonely being so absolute I'm lucky I have Keith who can manage me and just shake his head and say 'Sweetheart you think and feel way too much and too deeply'.