Hello, I'm new to the forum

[blacklab]

Hi there
I'm 62 and my husband is 70. He has vascular dementia, diagnosed just over a year ago.
His main difficulty is speech. He has dysphasia. Memory problems also an issue and I find it difficult when he says I should have told him we were married (happened 33 years ago!!).
I feel very isolated although my children are supportive but do not live close by.
A recent problem is that he is withdrawing money every day. I'm concerned because he's carrying a lot around and will stand and flick through it of course. Secondly, I've no idea why he's doing it unless it's because of the bank issues on the news. He says you're allowed to do it and I don't understand. I've given up trying to explain......
I would love to find someone in a similar position as all the experts tell me all patients are different so they can never say what to expect next. You're left waiting for the unexpected.
I do have my Macbook though (noticed some I-Mac user threads) so life isn't all bad!!

 

[Royalslady]

Hi Blacklab - welcome to TP

My Mum used to do this and I don't think it is uncommon. She would take out £300 at a time and then wander around shopping, with all on display everytime she opened her purse. I have EPOA and spoke to her bank, who were very helpful and made various suggestions and advised their cashiers to diplomatically suggest smaller amounts when she went into the bank.

What we did in the end was transfer her money to an instant savings account, just making sure there was a small amount in her current account for her to access. Eventually, I took over the account for her and gave her cash each week - mind you it didn't stop her going into the bank and asking for money! I had to take away her cheque book and cash card. She did get cross with me, but I reminded her that it was for her safety and that I was just trying to help her. She trusted me and accepted the situation, but of course we continued to have the same conversation 3 or 4 times a week!

Is your husband aware of his condition? My mother is not, which makes it harder in a way and she too complains that I am 'treating her like a child' at times. I suppose in a way I am

I would definitely recommend talking to the bank. I am sure they are used to dealing with these situations as taking out lots of money is quite common in the elderly, not just with dementia sufferers.

Good luck!
Pat

 

[Brucie]

Hello blacklab, and welcome

Money looms large for some who have a dementia - the fear it is being taken from them, or that they don't have enough to live on - sometimes they withdraw it simply to prove to themselves that they can.

I've given up trying to explain.

first lesson of dementia learned then - you just can't explain these things to them.

While certainly every case is different in some respects from any other, there are many very familiar things that we all see. The money thing is common.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello blacklab. Welcome to the Forum.

Money seems to be a bone of contention with many sufferers of dementia, whatever the form it takes. My husband has been obsessed with money from day one and he was diagnosed in 2005.

I now have his Power of Attorney registered and am in the process of informing the bank. Also his mobility is making it more difficult for him to go to the bank now, although he once cleared our joint account and opened one in his own name, which could have been difficult.

I did ask the bank to let me know if he withdrew large amounts, but the failed to do so when he cleared the account. I suppose it depends whether your accounts are in joint or single names.

I hope you will be glad you joined Talking Point [TP]. It has been a lifeline for so many of us who feel as isolated as you do.

 

[Scottie45]

Hello Blacklab

Just wanted to welcome you to TP,i hope you find it useful.I can,t help you with the money issue, my mum lost the concept of money very quick it was one of the 1st signs that i noticed something was not right.You will get other poeple on the site who have had the problems you are having,all the best keep posting.Take care Marian x

 

[Skye]

Hi blacklab, welcome from me too.

My husband John also has severe speech problems -- that was always his main problem, now he doesn't talk at all.

I know how isolating it is, and I hope you'll find TP eases the isolation a bit.

Just to prove that all sufferers are different, we had no problems with money at all. Althought John used to check share prices every day, and keep an eye on the family budget, as his disease progressed he lost interest, and left all money matter to me.

Please keep posting with your experiences and problems. You'll find some people will relate to one, others to a different one. But there is always someone who has been there.

All the best,

 

[Lynne]

Hello BlackLab

Welcome to TP. Yes, worries about money &/or property matters do seem to be a common trait with many dementia sufferers, I suppose they are the basis of most people's 'security' in life, apart from family. Mum used to hide purses, wallets, cheque books, handbags, keys etc., & then forget the 'safe places' she had put them in, or that SHE had hidden them at all . That's when I was glad she only had a small bungalow - limited number of hiding places!

all the experts tell me all patients are different so they can never say what to expect next.

Well, true I suppose, but when I read it my first (cynical) thought was "that's an easy cop-out for them". But you will, as you read other posts here, find that there tend to be common symptoms & behaviours throughout the range of dementias. Not everyone shows all of them, but a lot of them appear regularly. Some of them are passing phases (in some people, not in others) but worrying & difficult while they last. Hopefully you may find useful some of the coping strategies shared by carers here.

Re. the bank, might it be a good idea to open an account in your own name, and use it to keep an emergency fund safe in case of sudden need? Perhaps - if your husband forgets that he had withdrawn cash from one day to the next, or how much - you could return some of the withdrawn cash to it. I suppose it depends if he can still read & understand bank statements. It can be like walking on eggshells, can't it, juggling common sense with reduced ability to understand. And of course, if he is still able to use a hole-in-the-wall to withdraw cash, it will be difficult for the local staff to play a helpful part, even if they are willing & understanding of the situation.

Best wishes

 

[one united]

Hello, black lab (we have one of those)
When my nan went in to hospital I found over £1000 hidden in her home.
She insisted on 'drawing' her pension each week and then just stashed it around the place.
She too forgot where it was because she once told me she'd been burgled as money had gone. I found it in her bedroom drawers.

My mum got made an appointee so gets all her pension. Nan is also too physically unwell (heart attack)to go to the bank alone.

It causes a few 'issues' still though!

 

[Juliebabs]

vascular dementia

Hello BlackLab,

I became interested when you had said your husband has got vascular dementia. My husband also has Vascular.

My husband does have different symptoms to yours, but at the end of the day it is still so frustrating, and until you go on to the Talking Point you realize that we are not alone, so I suppose it does help to know that.

With my husband, most of the time I feel that I have to walk on eggshells so to speak. I have to be so careful what I say. For example, whenever he is reading the newspaper, he starts telling me all about what is in the paper and if I say on a certain topic that he is talking about,and I say I find that hard to believe he then gets cross and says "if you don't believe me then read it for yourself". I can't get across to him that it is not him I don't believe. There are so many things I could tell you but I haven't got the time at the moment, there is one bone of contention, and that is about his driving, which really he shouldn't be.

It would be nice to hear from you, as I feel depressed most of the time, so it would be good to communicate with you.

Regards

Juliebabs.

 

[gigi]

Hello Juliebabs..

BlackLab hasn't posted for a while...

But you sound as though you need to talk. Lots of our members are dealing with Vascular Dementia and I wondered if you felt able to start your own thread to gain support? It does sound as though there are lots of issues with your husband where TP members could give you support.

as I feel depressed most of the time,

...It may help to talk about your husband's problems. Have you seen your own GP to discuss how you feel? Living with dementia is hard work for the carer...sometimes one of the hardest things is to acknowledge that we need support as carers...ask for it..and accept it.

Please bear in mind that although we come under the Alzheimers Society umbrella....TP supports families, carers and sufferers of dementia..whatever the cause. And Vascular is one of them.

Love xx

 

[Margarita]

Juliebabs

I can't get across to him that it is not him I don't believe. There are so many things I could tell you but I haven't got the time at the moment, there is one bone of contention, and that is about his driving, which really he sho

My mother also got vascular Demetria.

I can't get across to him that it is not him I don't believe.

I use to find that also when mum use to read the her horoscope .

"if you don't believe me then read it for yourself". I can't get across to him that it is not him I don't believe.

I find my mother always misinterpreted what I’m trying to tell her, sometime I have to give up just say. I must have got it wrong .

It would be nice to hear from you, as I feel depressed most of the time, so it would be good to communicate with you

I feel depressed most of the time,

I know what you mean.

I do hope when you get the time, you can share more on talking point .

Is there not a group you can go to like at your local AZ centre ?