Not so Good Friday

[Tender Face]

Feel like I've sold my soul today .... urgent call from estate agents yesterday forced me to mum's to arrange for completion of sale by next Friday (yes, it's incredibly lucky in some respects in the current climate) ..... sat here now with endless boxes ..... wondering how on earth she will feel about the fact I have secured a 'man and van' for tomorrow to remove the bulky and non-sentimental ..... the day we would normally do nothing but eat fish and pray ....

Rounded off the day with a two-minute visit to solicitors to sign contracts and agree completion details ... and just wanted to scream 'Is that it?' .....

Denial, disbelief ... I dont know what it is ... but it's less than a year since mum was taken from home ..... and it feels, well ... obscene .....

Sorry, just had to let that out, Karen, x

 

[JPG1]

Karen,

Find Peggy Lee.

She always had a way of summing up a lot of our ponderings.

Well, mine anyway.

And always came out smiling, as you will do too - eventually.

You are not Mephistopheles, nor Faust.

Take care, and let it out!

.

 

[Helen33]

Hello Karen

... wondering how on earth she will feel about the fact I have secured a 'man and van' for tomorrow

I like to think that those that have left this earth now see everything differently

This is certainly a time of mixed feelings - glad that you've managed a sale in this climate and sad that the timing leaves a lot to be desired for you and probably sad that it has had to happen at all!

This is a very big step Karen and I just wish you all you need in order to deal with it

Love

 

[Vonny]

Denial, disbelief ... I dont know what it is ... but it's less than a year since mum was taken from home ..... and it feels, well ... obscene .....

Hi Karen,

Obscene is an excellent word to descibe what is happening. I can't begin to think how I'd feel about clearing out mum's stuff in such a hurry, and on what clearly was a contemplative day for you both.

Try and make some space for yourself as well as sorting out the boxes and the van, will send some positive {{{vibes}}} and (((hugs))) your way

Vonny xxx

 

[sue38]

Hi Karen,

As a solicitor I have dealt many times with bereaved families, sometimes with the Probate itself and sometimes with the sale of a house. I have always tried to be compassionate and give the family my time, but never really appreciated how difficult it could be for the family, until I dealt with the estate of my best friend's mum. As I tried to go through the issues she curled into a foetal position, and I realised then how traumatic the 'business end' of a bereavement could be.

Some families want you to be business like and not dwell on the emotional side, others need you to be more sensitive. I'm sorry if your solicitor got it wrong. In any event, 2 minutes is not acceptable.

I'm sure the sale of your mum's house feels like a final farewell to your mum, and to your dad if this was their home, and you need to take time to say your goodbyes. But you have your memories and other keepsakes to keep their memories strong.

Take care, and don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Norman]

Karen
a bitter sweet situation for you
Mum would understand why it is so.
Norman

 

[Tender Face]

Not often I admit this - but I am falling apart ....

And where's mum to help me when I need her? Or dad ...?

This has to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life ....
....................

K, x

 

[Helen33]

Dear Karen

We are here to support you in the ways that we can. I will be thinking of you today and hope that it goes smoothly and that you don't have additional obstacles to climb (as can happen)!
You feel like you are falling apart but you won't Karen. From what little I know about you, you are held together by some pretty strong stuff

A warm hug (((HUG))))

 

[JPG1]

Karen,

You will get there, it will take time, but you will get there.

I feel for you, as do all those of us who have been where you are now. It's hell on wheels for a while. Hell on speed.

But you will eventually make sense of it all and the pain will ease.

Take care,

.

 

[maryw]

Hi Karen, Just to let you know I am thinking of you and that I am almost in the same boat, less than 4 months after my Mum's death. We have just agreed a price for her home yesterday. I blubbed when I signed the estate agency agreement, I expect to blub at the Probate interview a week on Monday and I expect to howl when I have to part with the house. I suspect it's just normal and it's probably good to admit how you feel. It's all the memories isn't it? And it feels like a violation to remove your parent's belongings without their permission, as it were. I read a very good book "The Final Reminder - How I emptied my parent's house" by Lydia Flem. I would recommend it as it puts you in touch with what are just normal feelings.

I think losing a parent must be one of the most difficult things in life to handle, particularly the second parent. My dear Dad died nearly 30 years ago, but I still think of him every day. It doesn't stop me moving on. I think the grief remains, but we just learn to live with it in time.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs at this difficult moment for you. x

 

[Skye]

Dear Karen

You're not falling apart, you know!

You are going through one of the toughest times of your life. But you'll do it, and you'll come out stronger. Your mum and dad expect nothing less.

I'm not making light of it, I know how hard it is, and will be for a long time to come.

Just get through it, I know you can. Then be very proud of yourself, and give yourself a treat. Keep those boxes until you feel ready to face them, they'll be ready for you when you're ready for them.

Take good care of yourself.

Love,

 

[Tender Face]

Well, I'm still in one piece - just. Thanks to Plan B - I stay firmly under the duvet while hubby attends to matters. By 4am this morning, still sleepless, I realised I just couldn't witness it all - so wrote out instructions to remind him where specific items were to be delivered and left him to it. Someone said to me last night it is like having the funeral all over again ... I felt it was 100 times worse .... this was goodbye to both mum and dad, and indeed my childhood ..... but realised I didn't have to be there on this occassion and there is only so much masochist in me ....

I must share .... when hubby arrived home he was emotional himself (had always been very close to both my mum and dad) and announced how glad he was I hadn't gone then he laughed: 'But your mum is still looking after you!' Apparently when they had come to move the bed, there was a small bundle of notes stashed underneath ... exactly the amount we had agreed to pay the removal men!!!! Think my 'Gigglenicks' is smiling down on me and that was her way of giving me her blessing for what I was doing?!

Knowing mum's simple faith she would be telling me Good Friday was the most fitting day for this to happen, .... a painful ending, but a time to look forward to new life too?

Thanks all for the support ......

A bit wobbly but slightly better, Karen, x

 

[JPG1]

Quick thinking, Robin! Can your hubby be hired out? For a fee, of course.

Your Mum is certainly watching - but you knew she would be.

Well done both - or rather, all of you.

Take care,

.

 

[Skye]

Apparently when they had come to move the bed, there was a small bundle of notes stashed underneath ... exactly the amount we had agreed to pay the removal men!!!! Think my 'Gigglenicks' is smiling down on me and that was her way of giving me her blessing for what I was doing?!

Why does that make me cry? Not with sadness, just very moved. Isn't it wonderful that in the worst of times something happens to raise our spirits? Your mum knew you would need a boost!

Well done hubby for doing it for you, and well done you for admitting you needed help.

It will get better -- not immediately, but step by step.

Love,

 

[lesmisralbles]

Dear Karen

Thinking of you and sending love
Barb X & Ron X

 

[DianeB]

(((((Karen))))) I can't imagine how difficult this has been for you. I hope when all this is completed you will be able to find some Karen time, time where you can try and unwind and look after yourself.
Reading about the money under the bed I hope gave not just your hubby but also yourself some comfort in knowing that Mum was trying to offer her help too. Some things like this work in mysterous ways and give us hope that our loved ones are behind us all the way, not just at times like this but throughout our lives too.
Where ever you are .... Mum and Dad are also, her life and your Dads will live on forever in your hearts xxxx

Sending you loads and loads of hugs xxxx

 

[barbara h]

Hello Karen

Just read your post about the sale of your mam's house and just wanted to let you know that i understand exactly how you feel. It's like reading my post as the sale of my mam's house was all done within a year of her going into hospital and then the care home. I agree it is one of the hardest things i have had to do and as i pass the house every day i was dreading seeing someone else living there. Yes it has been very hard at times but as time goes by it does get a bit easier, the people who bought it are really nice. On the couple of occasions i have spoken to them when they are talking about the house they always call it "your mam's house" which to me is what it will always be.

Good luck with everything and hope all goes well and you are feeling better soon.

lots of love and hugs
barbara h

 

[Taffy]

Hi Karen,

Just sending caring thoughts your way. Whoever said, "Life wasn't meant to be easy" was spot on.

I do hope life holds a peaceful future for you.

Love Taffy.

 

[Cate]

E mail on its way chuck.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Mameeskye]

Karen

It is so so ahrd when you have to take this final step. My MUm was in the NH and had ben for about a year, my brother had a Nervous breakdown, my inlaws wouldn't cope with the boys so I sent my DH to clear her house with instructions as I was just not physically strong enough at that time, when it came time to set it on the market.

Once he had finished the main clear up I went down armed with hoover and cleaning materials and set to...no way was my Mum's house going to be mucky for the viewings. The good thing was that becuase DH had shifted furniture around it did not hurt as much as the family home was gone.

Funnily though from the tme Mum had been admitted to hospital a year earlier the house lacked life and stopped feeling like home.

(((Hugs))))

It is difficult (I still have boxes to sort through a five years later and a year after her death!)

Love

Mameeskye