Going to an imaginary home.

[Uncle Bob]

My dear old Ma often wants to be taken 'home' which she thinks is somewhere in North Herefordshire and is totally imaginary as she has a very comfortable home of her own which she shares with a friend and carer. Is this a common anxiety for dementia sufferers?? I'll be very interested to know and whether we should take her out and go and look for it just in case she gets it into her rather muddled head to wander off and try and find it herself! Looking forward to any suggestions. Thanks. Bob

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Bob

Is this a common anxiety for dementia sufferers??

In a word, `Yes`.
Dementia sufferers often want to return `home` , usually to the home of their childhood. My husband has been wanting to return `home` for years.
If you can adopt a delaying tactic by saying you will take your mother home `tomorrow` it might be the best way to manage this. Otherwise I`d try to distract her, or even go `round the block` arriving `home`, which hopefully she will accept.

 

[Norman]

Hallo Bob
sylvia has given you some good answers .
Distraction is the only way,but this can be a time for "white lies".
Don't feel guilty about this,we have all used them to try and make life a little easier for ourselves, and our loved one.
Norman

 

[Vonny]

Hi Uncle Bob,

I think driving round trying to find it may be counter-productive and confuse your mum more.

As Sylvia and Norman say, distraction and white lies are the best method. I was brought up by my ma to "tell the truth and shame the devil" but now she has Alzheimer's I find I'm "lying" to her more and more. It keeps her happy and that is the best she can hope for these day.

Vonny xx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I think what your mother is looking for is a place where she will feel safe and secure. Obviously, that's home. "Home" can also change during the course of Alzheimer's. My mother referred to the "blue house" at first, which is where she lived with my stepfather for over twenty years. Then home shifted to Torrance Street, which she moved away from in 1951 or so.

Home is not a place, home is a security blanket.

 

[connie]

Home is not a place, home is a security blanket.

How true Joanne, and something we all need to be reminded of from time to time.

 

[Softy]

I agree with everyone else yes its very common and one of the easier things to distract from. At least with the disease the concentration span is affected so they are easy to distract. I found that my Dad was more "homesick" on an evening when it was dark outside so the security blanket thing would seem to be right with him 2.

 

[Uncle Bob]

Going to an imaginary home

Thank you all for your encouraging and positive comments. I will try putting them into practice and try and be more aware of what may be the trigger for wanting to go 'home'. Bob