Update on Lionel

trackburn

Registered User
Mar 17, 2009
3
0
Swindon
Hello - im in the same boat with my dad

Hi I am Tracy and just joined Talking Point. I have tried to post something introducing myself but I don't know if it has worked!

I really feel for you Connie as I am going through a similar thing with my Dad. My Dad has dementia and is currently in the local Mental Health hospital pending a place in a care home. My dad has also turned from a gentle loving man into a monster when it comes to any intervention on personal care! My Mum came home from a visit today sobbing her heart out my dad was lashing out swearing and fighting four carers and then turned on her. This is happening more and more lately and just breaks our hearts. My mum and dad have been married for 52 years, had four children 3 of which died!! My dad was in WW2 and they have both been through so much. For my Dad to end his days like this is so cruel.

I am very concerned about how a care home will deal with my dads aggression and have only been given a choice of two because of the level of care he will need. Apparantly most will not be able to deal with it.

It is really good to hear that your husband is in a good home with staff that care. My thoughts and love are with you through what I know is the most difficult thing to go through.

Love Tracy
 

makalu

Registered User
Nov 2, 2008
72
0
West Sussex
For trackburn....

And you Connie, welcome back, IM glad you are feeling better.

Trackburn I too was worried about my dads behaviour and agression as we too are now looking for a home for him. My heart is broken and I thought that no where was going to want to take him as he can be very angry. Each of the 3 homes we went too assured us that they are used to dealing with clients with behavioural problems. To us it is so unusual to see our loved ones upset and angry and out of character, to the nurses that care its all part of their job and they are trained in handling difficult situations. Its easy to say that and I know that you will still doubt yourself what ever decision you go with. I am going through turmoil as to where/what facilities will be best for dad. its heartaching isnt it. At least we have this forum to help.

take care you all...
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Dear Tracey and Makalu

Thank you for your kind words.

I am so sorry at where you find yourselves. The right home for our loved ones is so important, sometimes very hard to find, and yet they are still out there.

I remember how very worried I was at the time when Lionel was at his most frustrated and agitated. The bad language, the lashing out at staff. The general despair of feeling that the home would not be able to cope...........

We were fortunate, and yes there are many more good homes out there. The trouble is we usually only read about the bad ones, makes good copy.

Attaching a picture I took of Lionel when we were together a couple of weeks ago. He looks so relaxed - and contented.
A blissfull evening shared.

100_1214.jpg
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Hello Connie....

It's so good to have you back....hoping you're feeling ok and not overdoing things.

Lionel looks so contented ...
A blissfull evening shared.

I think Lionel is/was echoing your thoughts.....:)

Love gigi xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Connie, that's a lovely photo of Lionel.

I obviously did him good, having you around for a couple of weeks, and I know you loved spending more time with him.

Love,
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello Connie
Lionel looks so contended - lovely picture.
I hope you are continuing to make good progress yourself.
Love Jan
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Hello Connie

I have just read through the link. What a wonderful home Lionel is in and how kind of them to care for you free of charge. This is unusual these days!! My sister worked in a dreadful home and it is so good to hear that it can be very different.

Best wishes to you Connie.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Lionel is still having lots of bouts of crying - most distressing.

The staff have started to wheel him into the 'relaxation' room at the home when this happens. Seems to help calm him down.

Unfortunately not an option once he has been put back on his bed, usually about 2.30., but even if it works for the mornings it is something. Must be better than medication - which is not a route I would want them to go down. (Not that they have ever suggested that).

He does not look quite so good this week - very drawn in the face. However this changes all the time.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Lionel is still having lots of bouts of crying - most distressing.

The staff have started to wheel him into the 'relaxation' room at the home when this happens. Seems to help calm him down.

He does not look quite so good this week - very drawn in the face. However this changes all the time.

Connie, sorry to read this news. My mothers face can change almost over a matter of hours.

Do you know what feature of the relaxation room is having the beneficial effect on Lionel? Is it music? Or lighting, or some scent? Is it something you could recreate to some extent in Lionel's room? I'm sure you have thought this through already, but perhaps there is a clue that you may not have hit upon?

How are you, dear Connie? x
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,097
0
Costa Blanca Spain
Does Lionel have to be put to bed so early each day Connie? I wonder if it is to try to prevent bedsores they do this. I'm so sorry that you are going through this distressing time.

xxTinaT
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Dear Tina, because Lionel cannot hold any part of his body up, even with his special chair, he is more comfortable and relaxed in his bed.

They get him into his chair for a few hours every day otherwise he would be bedbound, and therefore confined to his room.

Dear Deborah, it is a purpose built sensory room, Snoozuelem, with lights and other sensory equiptment. Short of putting his bed permanently in there, and depriving the other residents, I don't know what I could do.:)

Of course, even this may not always work.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
0
Kent
Dear Connie.............

I`m so sorry Lionel is still having bouts of crying. Just one more really upsetting symptom of his dementia.
I can only imagine how helpless it makes you feel.
Love xx
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello Connie:

It is sad to hear that Lionel seems so upset but wonderful that the home have some facilities to help calm him.

Does he just go to bed for the afternoon or is he there until next morning? Some of the residents in David's place go to bed for a few hours then up again for tea at 5.00 pm.

Does Lionel react to music? (mind you that might make ME more emotional!).

How are you now?

Love Jan
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Hi Jan.
Does he just go to bed for the afternoon or is he there until next morning?

Once Lionel is back in bed that is where he stays. As he has to be toileted (changed pads etc) on his bed, and any other form of personal care has to be done whilst he is lying flat, it does make sense.

I always play music to Lionel when I visit, and his radio is always on each day - tuned to Radio 2. Mix of talking and music, as I have observed that sometimes he does react, albeit fleetingly, to topics that are aired:confused:.

I am OK. Just off to the hospital to see the Research team to try to get onto a Trials Program for my chemo.

Take care now Jan, will catch up soon.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
y
Please let us know how it goes.
Have posted in the Tea Room Sylvia.


I had a really good start to my visit to Lionel today. He was awake and smiling and we sat and sipped a sherry together and listened to some music before lunch.

He ate very well and seemed very relaxed. I fetched a bowel of water and washed his hands, cut his nails, and pampered him with hand cream. Turned my attention to his feet - never easy as he cannot put hi feet down. However washed feet and gave him a foot massage,

The girls came to put him on his bed and I asked them to leave him a while as he was so serene. Not 5 minutes later the tears started. He was in such anguish, crying and shaking his head to and fro. No one could calm him, even the manageress came in (strangely she can usually get him a little calmer - but no)
I called one of the girls back and we hoisted Lionel to his bed, still sobbing. Changed him and settled him. Cring continued for some more minutes and then he fell asleep.

I sat next to him for about an hour. When he awoke he was calm for only about 15 mins and then tears started again.

I came away. It breaks me up to see him like that. What is so terrible in his mind?
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,849
0
55
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Connie,

I'm glad you had some happy moments with your Lionel, but sorry that the tears started again.

What is so terrible in his mind?

I so wish we could get in the mind of all our loved ones, especially those who cannot communicate their fears, to offer some comfort. :( It makes us feel so helpless.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
0
Kent
Oh Connie

Torture for you and torture for Lionel. It must be the most difficult of all times.
Love xx
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
The difference in my man...........

Just had to share with you, and the diary, my visit today with Lionel.

Such a sweet smile when I arrived. He was so happy, giggling and laughing to himself.

Managed to cut and then wash his hair. I am convincenced that he even managed to raise his head from his chair by a few centimetres.

Had a pleasant couple of hours together.

Mid afternoon as we were about to hoist him onto his bed I gave him a couple of chocolate buttons. He bit his tongue and grimaced. "Have you bitten your tongue? Shall I kiss it better for you" I asked..............He poked out his tongue for me to kiss :):)

Such happy hours.
 

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