Hi all
Not logged on for a while after thinking dad was OK in new home and settling in OK, but he seems to have gone down hill. His speech is much worse and i am finding it really hard to understand him. The other day i went to pick him up to take him home for some lunch, but when i got there he was in the bathroom being shaved, when he came out, it has to be the worst i have ever seen him. He was in a real state. Making a strange noise like a child would do if they were pretending to shoot a gun at people along with the hand movements as if he were shooting a gun. I tried to calm him down and for a while he did not seem to know who i was, even spitting at me. He was really distressed and completely disorientated. I have to say i felt so scared and panicked as i said he has never been so bad. I could not get him to respond to coming home with me, he just seemed to shut off from me. The staff were telling me he would be OK to take home for a while and were trying to encourage him to go but i new if i got him home i would be in a lot of trouble. But not one person said to me they thought it would be not such a good idea to take him, I decided not to take him. He did not eat his dinner that day which is so unusual as he loves him dinners and puddings and just kept spitting it all out. To day i asked what the doctor had to say about his behaviour and i was told that i had no need to worry, its just the progression of the illness, but they find that he is worse after i have visited and that maybe i should not visit so often. Angry is mild to what i was feeling at this time. How dare they tell me not to visit so often. "I am all he has." Yes maybe when i have gone he gets agitated but surely they are trained to deal with this and should be able to work towards calming the patient. I go and see him every other day and if i could see him every day i would!. Am i wrong in thinking this? Has anyone been told this about there loved one? Some of the staff there are very nice and caring, but some i have realise are so forceful. I caught one member of staff while feeding someone almost shoveling the food in her mouth and with some aggression and when she realised I saw her she changed her manner. I am so sorry to go on but at this moment feel so helpless yet again because i feel i have made the wrong choice yet again and if i move him somewhere else it could harm him even more. I HAVE THIS ILLNESS. I HATE THE WAY I FEEL. SEEING DAD TRAPPED AND HELPLESS. I feel sometimes i am going mad with the guilt and sadness i feel all the time. Watching someone so precious just slip away and there is nothing i can do to help.
Much thanks
Elise
Not logged on for a while after thinking dad was OK in new home and settling in OK, but he seems to have gone down hill. His speech is much worse and i am finding it really hard to understand him. The other day i went to pick him up to take him home for some lunch, but when i got there he was in the bathroom being shaved, when he came out, it has to be the worst i have ever seen him. He was in a real state. Making a strange noise like a child would do if they were pretending to shoot a gun at people along with the hand movements as if he were shooting a gun. I tried to calm him down and for a while he did not seem to know who i was, even spitting at me. He was really distressed and completely disorientated. I have to say i felt so scared and panicked as i said he has never been so bad. I could not get him to respond to coming home with me, he just seemed to shut off from me. The staff were telling me he would be OK to take home for a while and were trying to encourage him to go but i new if i got him home i would be in a lot of trouble. But not one person said to me they thought it would be not such a good idea to take him, I decided not to take him. He did not eat his dinner that day which is so unusual as he loves him dinners and puddings and just kept spitting it all out. To day i asked what the doctor had to say about his behaviour and i was told that i had no need to worry, its just the progression of the illness, but they find that he is worse after i have visited and that maybe i should not visit so often. Angry is mild to what i was feeling at this time. How dare they tell me not to visit so often. "I am all he has." Yes maybe when i have gone he gets agitated but surely they are trained to deal with this and should be able to work towards calming the patient. I go and see him every other day and if i could see him every day i would!. Am i wrong in thinking this? Has anyone been told this about there loved one? Some of the staff there are very nice and caring, but some i have realise are so forceful. I caught one member of staff while feeding someone almost shoveling the food in her mouth and with some aggression and when she realised I saw her she changed her manner. I am so sorry to go on but at this moment feel so helpless yet again because i feel i have made the wrong choice yet again and if i move him somewhere else it could harm him even more. I HAVE THIS ILLNESS. I HATE THE WAY I FEEL. SEEING DAD TRAPPED AND HELPLESS. I feel sometimes i am going mad with the guilt and sadness i feel all the time. Watching someone so precious just slip away and there is nothing i can do to help.
Much thanks
Elise