New member - shellshocked over Dad

[Little Venice]

Hi fellow carers out there, my Dad - Des was formally diagnosed with vascular dementia last Nov, after many years of slow, steady memory problems and personality changes. He was put on aricept (for better or worse ??) and has in the last 2 days been admitted into an NHS care unit as my mum and brother, who live in the house, could no longer cope with his night time wanderlust - locking the doors only made him want to break them down to escape. I have visited him on his first 2 days as he's been settling into this temporary arrangement (we have to find a private home for him) and am slightly shellshocked at seeing him in such a situation - the people looking after him have all been fantastic and the place seems ok but it's not his home and it breaks my heart to see him there . We haven't had a proper meeting yet with all the relevant parties (SS etc.), that's coming up next week but initial discussions seem to suggest it's not practical for Dad to come home. Can anyone shed any light on the burning question of how to decide when it is no longer possible for a loved one to be at home ??

 

[Annoula]

welcome Little Venice,

i don't have experience about when it's ok to look for a home. but i suppose when the patient start having dangerous behaviours towards him and others and/ or the carers cannot cope with him anymore.

it's a bad decision, and no one takes it with a light heart. but if we leave emotionality aside, a good home can provide much more than a carer struggling everyday to cope.
somebody suggested that a home even if it's not the best, but if it is close to where we live is very good, because our beloved one can be in a safe environment and we can visit him very often.

 

[magenta]

Difficult patient

Hi
I have actually been through this sort of problem.
I really think you should be able to get a sleeping tablet that works. This is a phase and will probably pass in time. My husband did all sorts of things in his night time wanderings. Moving furniture, putting stuff outside and walking miles and hitch-hiking to name a few. The children and I now laugh about it. Many neighbours brought him back and the police 'found' him a couple of times. It is exhausting to live with but we have resolved it now and after about 18 months on sleeping tablets my husband is at home and sleeps well.

 

[erik]

Hello Little Venice,

We are actually struggling with this problem at the moment. My mother started wandering and wanting to go home about 5 months ago. She would be up all night trying to "escape" from her own apartment.

Her doctor prescribed Seroquel, and once we found the right amount to give her this helped to calm her down. Her doctor told me that this behaviour (night time wandering and trying to go home) is the most common reason a person with AD is placed in a nursing home (in Norway). My mother would try to get out just wearing slippers and a jacket over her nightgown... imagine what could happen to her if she managed to get out this time of year with snow and temperatures around -10C.

Besides she was also keeping us awake most of the night and after weeks with little or no sleep the situation was starting to wear us down as well.

Unfortunately the effect of the Seroquel seems to be slowly disappearing and my mother's doctor has told us that she really needs to be in a NH with a secure dementia unit now. She is currently in a NH for assesment.

It is a very difficult decision to make, but in the end, the deciding factors have to be the person's safety and the caregiver's ability to cope. I want to be able to care for my mother as long as possible, but I'm slowly starting to realize that I may not be able to cope much longer.

Erik