Bereavement

[susie]

We have just buried our 38 year old sonH My husband has frontotemporal dementia and understood very little of what the funeral service was about.
he has very little thought processes and cannot show emotions much. I knew that he would want to get back to his usual routine as if nothing had happened and I knew I would find that difficult. It is as if he has airbrushed our son out of his life, although I accept that this is his illness and lack of comprehension. I felt hurt as expected but never expected it to hurt so ,like a knife turning. After 5 years of coping on my own,I find having to cope with the loss of a child on my own so difficult. It is affecting my reactions to him and I as if I can't cry or mourn in front of him. Friends and neighbours are marvellous but the one person I want to give me a hug and sympathise can't do it.
Please how have others coped with bereavments?
Susie

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Susie

You have so much to bear that I can't even imagine how you are going on. Bereavement at the end of a full life is one thing, the death of a child no matter how old is something else.

I know this is going to sound trite but all you can do is cope minute by minute. I can't imagine your pain at this time, particularly as you can't share that pain with the one person who you would expect to feel as you do.

So very sorry.

 

[Skye]

Dear Susie, you have my deepest sympathy. Your grief must be unbearable just now.

I lost my own daughter when she was 18, and I don't think any pain is like that of the loss of a child.

I know how you feel about your husband's lack of emotion, too. My husband has advanced dementia, and there has been no emotional response from him for years. Many members experience the same, and it makes for a very lonely life.

But just now, you need him, and he is not there for you. Not his fault, but it makes the grief that much harder to bear.

Please keep posting. We can't take away your pain, but at least we understand.

Love and hugs,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Susie

I am so sorry to read of such a tragedy in your life. A double tragedy really, the loss of your son and the emotional loss of your husband.

I cannot imagine anything more dreadful and can only offer sympathy.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Susie

I am so sorry that you have had to bury your son Susie and without the support of your husband - this is heartbreaking. It is perfectly natural to long for your husband to comfort you and to be faced with the agonising pain at the realisation that he is no longer able to

My step grandson died aged 21 a short while ago and I witnessed his mother unable to gain any comfort from her father (my husband who has a dementia).

Thank goodness you have good friends Susie and give yourself all the time you need in your bereavement.

Love and sympathy in your loss.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Dear Susie,
I'm so very sorry that you have lost your child and your husband is unable to comfort you. The loss of a child is most poignant, because of all the lost potential. It also feels so singularly unfair.
Love,

 

[bucko]

Dear Susie, my sincere condolences. I know it will be hard for you to accept what has and is happening to you, but I do hope you take some comfort in knowing that others are thinking of you and share your grief. You are not alone. May God bless you and help you to cope.

 

[roundy]

so sorry.

I was just about to log off then saw your post and had to take an extra couple of minutes to let you know I am thinking of you. It must be so hard,you just give yourself time,can not imagine what you are going through right now but I am sending you all my love,it seems so unfair,stay strong.

I will be thinking of you.
Love Lisa.xxxxxxx

 

[twinone]

Dear Susie

So sorry that you have lost your son and that your husbands illness makes things even harder as you cant turn to him for comfort.

I do hope that you have got support from friends and family as you will need them at this sad time.

Thinking of you at this sad time in your life

Lots of love
Janet

 

[gigi]

Dear Susie

Words fail me...

What a dreadful time you must be going through.

The loss of a child at any time in life must be heartbreaking...but when you cannot share your grief with the one you most want to....that must be unbearable.

My thoughts are with you.

Love gigi xx

 

[Mameeskye]

Dear Susie

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I can't even think about what it would mean to lose a child and to be bearing this caring for a husband with dementia who cannot share with you your grief seems particularly cruel.

I don't think that there are any ways to offer solace, just to say that we are here for you. Your husband would be too, if he could but make sense of his world. He does it not to hurt, but because in his illness he has no other way, but that does not mean that you have to hide your emotions. It is ok for you to feel the way that you do.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[Linda Mc]

Dear Susie

I really feel for you at this very, very difficult time.

Recently I lost my dear brother the first of my many siblings and had no support or empathy from my husband so know just how you feel. How I longed for a hug from him or some words of sympathy a sad and very lonely time.

You like me will be thinking before this awful illness how differently our husband's would have reacted and shared our grief.

The support I had from TP members meant so much because they are the ones who truly know what we are going through.

Thinking of you.

Love Linda x

 

[susie]

I can only say how comforting it is much support from TP members. friends are great but unless you have experienced dementia, you have no idea how lonely it can be. I'm sure My husband would react very differently if he was well.
As you all say, a little at a time.
Today is another day when our son is not suffering so I can only try to be positive.
A big thank you for all your thoughts.
Susie

 

[julieann15]

Dear Susie
Our thoughts are with you at this sad time

Love Julie and Ian xx

 

[living in hope]

Dear Susie,
So sorry to hear of your sad loss, I lost my mother last July and wanted comfort and support from my husband but unfortunately he did not know what to do, I dont think I've really coped with it, I've not allowed myself to think to much about what happened as I am only just coping with my husband and cannot mentally take any more anguish. My only advice is to take support from whereever offered and take every opportunity to talk about your feelings
Thinking of you
Lorraine

 

[sad nell]

just wish i could put my arms around you. love Pam

 

[cider]

Dear Susie

My heart goes out to you and I wish like many others that I could take your pain away but sadly I cant. Losing a child rips your heart out, I lost my first son and then two years ago also lost my Grand daughter. My husband has AD and there are times I just wish for a hug. You will get support from TP I am new to this but I have sent you a huge hug.xx

 

[patradnor]

Dear Susie
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.
Love and Hugs Pat x

 

[alfjess]

Hi All

I thought I had it bad, Mum having dementia and then passing away and Dad in a care home suffering with dementia.

This is nothing compared to losing a child.
Mum and Dad have had a good life, but I couldn't imagine the pain I would feel if I lost one of my Daughters

All my sympathy for your loss

Love
Alfjess

 

[God's Servent]

susie

I understand what you are going through at this time. One feels so alone. If you would like to chat more fine Please remember the good times.
Thinking of you