Another newbie / advice about dressing?

[green man]

Hi,

Finally got around to registering. Having read just some of the messages, I am heartened by all you good, loving brave people out there.

My 79 yr old mother has a diagnosis of vascular dementia. She has probably had it developing for several years, but it was only 18 months ago when my dad died, we realised quite how bad she was getting. It ended up with my brother and I getting power of attorney, and my aunt, my mum's sister, giving up her flat and moving in to live with and care for my mum.

If my aunt had not been so selfless I am sure my mum would be in a home by now. My brother and his wife live close by and pop in 2-3 times a week. I live a couple of hours away with my family, and feel guilty about not being able to do very much to help...

And if you have read this far, can I ask some advice?

Mum is insisting on wearing the same clothes for several days, and even making excuses - "I was in bed for most of yesterday so I only wore these clothes for a couple of hours in the evening", when in fact she had been up and about all day. She also ends up wearing oldest, most shapeless clothes, despite having wardrobes full of clothes, some still with their tags on.

I have read the fact sheet on dressing, but how do we best go about getting her to change her clothes and get rid of some of the old ones?

Thanks

Green Man

 

[heartbroken]

sorry no answers as I have the same problem with a lady I have just started to care for, so I am very intrested in the replys.

I have thought of asking her what day is wash day and would she like me to help her to sort her washing out etc

 

[ella24]

Hiya

my gran is like this with clothes. I think it is a combination of choosing easy/comfy clothes and finding whatever is at the front of the wardrobe.

Her evening carer is supposed to put out her fresh clothes for the morning when she goes in at tea-time but gran puts the left-out clothes away. The day-care people help to make sure she is well turned out before she leaves home too.

When I've spent longer periods of time with gran (24hrs+) it's easier to say things like 'I'm putting a dark load in shall I do that cardigan/trousers you've got on to fill it up', 'shall I sew that button on cos it looks a bit loose', or (and this is prob a woman to woman thing) 'why not try that lovely blue blouse with these trousers for a change'..... then whip the item away for washing (I hate the lying but needs must....) - short of standing over someone when they get dressed there is no easy way around it.

We have thrown older items out - especially if they dont fit any more (she can't remember what clothes she has anyway and didnt notice) when they hit the washing pile...

e

 

[Cate]

This was a big problem with my mum. Basically any new, or newish clothing she didnt remember as being hers and wouldnt put them on, so she kept to the old ones.

Rather than cause her distress the NH care staff used to whip her clothes away while she was asleep, wash and iron them, and put them back before morning, this kept mum happy.

If they got beyond shabby I used to hunt out replacements which were the same. Thank goodness for dear old M & S and their 'constant' range.

 

[Margaret W]

Hi

I really wouldn't worry about being shabby. Mum never bothered even when well. Not quite right, mum never really got her act togehter, she saw nothing wrong in wearing a blue skirt and a striped orange top. Cleanliness is a personal thing, if your mum was born in the age of no electricity (as mine was), well you only bathed once a week, if you were lucky, you never shaved your armpits, there were no such things as deodorants, and you just accepted body odour and stains on clothing. It isn't really dirty to wear stained clothing. It might not look nice, but it doesn't do anyone any harm.

Mum was useless with a needle and thread, so often wore a skirt with them hem half down, and it didn't bother her, so it didn't bother me either in the end.

Mum also wouldn't wear new clothes. I bought her entire outfits when she went into the home cos I was so ashamed of her previous clothes. A lovely blue jumper and trousers with a blue stripe, and she always wore the trousers with the striped orange top instead! After she died, I left all the new clothing to the home, for residents who were short of a jumper or two.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Magaret

 

[terry999]

Greenman - try your utmost to give your Aunt a break even if its for a couple of hours. When I cared for mum at home - even an hour going out by myself was invaluable i.e. a period of time when I knew mum was with someone and I didn't have to worry.

Mum had the same dress suit on all the time. Usefull in a way becuase I carried photo of her wearing it when she got lost.

AZer's forget where stuff is so everything has to be laid out, maybe leaving fresh clothes out in full view. Try the excuse we are going to chruch (or any place mum would normally dress up for).

In the end I had to force the issue because she was dirtying the skirt when using the toilet - hygene issues.
It was v.shabby in the end despite me constantly fixing it but that didn't worry me.
Sometimes it wasn't a prob as I would approach with "pls try this on its a present - its new and wanna see if it fits"

I would recommend elsticated skirts with dark patterns so stains don't show- so you can put new skirt over the old and pull down old skirt. This was very much part of my cleaning routine.

 

[julieann15]

Old favourites

we have similar problems with mum- she wears the same few things-thankfully she does change them but if we go around to take her out for lunch- she wears clothes from a small selection- she has wardrobes full of newer clothes but it is the old favourites that come out- she always denies having bought any new clothes since she moved here 8 years ago but she has as I have taken her shopping.

She spends ages getting ready- choosing something to wear but always comes out of her bedroom wearing the old favourite

Julie xx

 

[Willowgill]

I am also having this problem with both my parents although my dad is the worst and it takes a lot of effort to get him to change into clean clothes. He wears the same things day in and day out and when I started to do their washing a few weeks ago I was concerned that to 14 pairs of my mums knickers I'd only have 2 pairs of his underpants . He will also go several days without shaving but will do it eventually if I tell him he has to. I've now got to the stage of going in his wardrobes myself and getting a change of clothes out which he will then put on and express amazement that he's never seen it before. My mum has severe mobility problems and that coupled with the dementia has now left her unable to work out what she needs to put on or the strength to do it so she also wears the same things every day. Again she has a wardrobe full of lovely clothes but if I get something out she's not had on for a while she will say she's not wearing it - I believe this stems back to 'keeping things for best'! Something I do as well but am now learning that 'best' might actually be today

I have now realised that to tell them to be ready for a certain time for an appointment is no longer an option so arrive to pick them up half an hour beforehand in order to get them dressed and make sure she doesn't put more than one lot of make up on! I guess this is just part and parcel of the care. I think it is just a matter of time before I need to arrange for someone to go in to get them dressed as I don't have the time before work but Mum is so adamant she doesn't want this that I'm reluctant to force the issue.

 

[jenny48]

Dear Greenman
I have the same problem with mum, she says "I only put this on clean or its not dirty", so I have found the only way is to actually go into her bathroom, where she gets dressed and undressed, and take away the dirty clothes as she is getting ready for bed and leaving clean ones in their place I always make sure the clothes I leave are easy pull up trousers and jumpers or t-shirts as buttons and other fasteners can be very difficult.
Good Luck

Jenny

 

[pebble]

Dear Greenman
Your post was a bit of a wake up call for me - I turn out in the same old clothes week after week! My Mum who has mod alzheimers is quite particular about fresh clothes, which in part gives the carers a false impression of her abilities. Everyone is different. I am off to cheer myself up and get rid of this awful, but it is homely, purple jumper with a hole in the sleeve!! With very best wishes

 

[Amber 5]

Hi,
This isn't going to be of any help, but my mum is doing very similar things to what has been said already.
Also she has recently been out and bought herself a new skirt which she thought was a Size 12 but turned out to be a 24!!! She said oh I can wear a belt or just take it in or something. (I would say she is about a 12/14 and has lost quite a lot of weight, but she won't hear of it!) Anyway, we did get the skirt changed, I couldn't bear the thought of her wearing a size 24 with a belt.

Last year she took to constantly wearing this hat which became really grubby and annoying to the rest of us. I took her shopping and after quite a while she chose a hat which was lovely on her and very warm for the cold winter. But, magically another knitted tea cosy style hat has appeared and that is what she wears almost constantly (in or out). I was quite cross at first, but gradually realised that I need to leave her be and let her wear her 'security hat' as we now call it. I realised that I had probably pushed her into buying the new hat to make her look smarter and she felt too dressed up in it, (especially in the house!)

I bought her a thicker fleece too as that was all she was wearing to go out in and I was worried about her being cold. It was a trial trying to get her to try on coats, hence I ended up with a much thicker fleece. Anyway, have now managed to get a new coat which she seems to love (although at first she hung it up in her bedroom, keeping it for best!)

As she is living on her own, my brother and I are finding it a really difficult thing to come to terms with, that she is wearing dirty, stained clothing though, sometimes with urine too. I've been to the GP with her to try to approach the incontinence/accidents issue, but she was basically denying it to him. She stayed with me for about 10 days over Christmas and I know it was happening then as she mentioned it and brought underwear to me for washing. But since then doesn't seem to think there's a problem. (I provided her with appropriate pads and bought her loads of new knickers but she's not using the pads)! Sorry to go on, but if anyone has any ideas for helping to deal with this too I would be grateful. Probably need a separate posting.!!

You have to keep a sense of humour, but its not always easy!!
love Gill x